The Black Sheep
by AutumnSkiesAreBlue
Summary: Sirius' world is in turmoil. He's being hounded by Voldemort and his followers determined that he will eventually join them. He's betrayed his closest friends in the worst way possible and now his parents think he's returning to them. No, he will not let them force their ideas onto him. Even after the beat him to within an inch of his life. - Willow Incident/Leaving Home Story.
1. Murphy's Law

**The Black Sheep**

_So I'm attempting a long-fic again. It's clearly exam season once more. I'm not sure how far I'll get with it but I'm feeling motivated for it so far. _

_Anyway, this is yet another take on the whole 'Willow Incident' things and the events before and after Sirius leave home. It's been done and million and one times before (even by me) but this is another version :)_

**Chapter 1 – Murphy's Law**

Everybody who saw Sirius Black thought the same thing: he was just a typical, spoilt pureblood wizard. He had the aristocratic good looks, the natural talent and of course, the money. Yet to Sirius' friends he was an enigma. They knew he was anything but the child everyone thought him to be yet they struggled to see past the façade that Sirius wore every time he was in public.

Admittedly, Sirius _did_ have a typical pureblood upbringing. Before starting school at eleven he was tutored daily by the best tutors money could buy. He was given lessons in how to dance and how to treat his elders and inferiors (for the heir to the Most Noble and Ancient House of Black would never have any superiors who were not his relatives). And, despite being the family let down, once he'd started school he was tutored still further: he was taught the more intricate details of the family, politics and manipulation, things he would need when he inherited the fortunes of the Black family.

Part of this style of upbringing was the ability to hide your emotions from the world, the ability to make them think everything's okay when it is far from it.

What Sirius' friends didn't know was the great deal of pressure he was under. When another dark lord rose to power, the Black family instantly took his side with some becoming outward supporters and others cheering from the side-lines. As such, Sirius was pressured into joining him too; to become his right-hand man and lead the pureblood families back to their 'rightful position' in the world. Not only was Sirius aware that this pressure existed, he was also frequently hounded by the Dark Lord's faithful supporters with more and more offers from their master.

Sirius was floundering under the pressure. He wasn't a stranger to the weight upon his shoulders but what with his OWLs and trying to maintain his mask for his friends and admirers, it was all becoming incredibly tiring. Hence, at the age of sixteen, Sirius had turned to drink and cigarettes for comfort and solitude.

~#~

Sirius was in the Three Broomsticks in Hogsmeade. He'd just finished his lessons for the day and was exhausted. He'd received yet another letter from his father that morning stating the benefits of becoming a Death Eater for the family and the power he'd receive if he did so. In accompaniment his mother had also sent him a letter, a howler. Though this was a fairly common occurrence and the student population of Hogwarts were now used to such an event, Sirius couldn't help but feel his mother's words cut deeper into his self-esteem with every degrading and demoralising message. Despite evidence to the contrary, Sirius had always secretly believed his mother when she had labelled him a disgrace and unworthy of recognition. Naturally Sirius only ever laughed at the letters when they screamed out across the Great Hall but, of course, appearances had to be maintained.

After finishing his sixth Firewhiskey and snubbing out his cigarette, Sirius lurched up from his seat in order to return to the castle before meeting with his friends for the full moon. He paid his tab and was just turning to go to the basement when a voice called after him.

"Master Black, could I have a word?" It was Rabastan Lestrange and Thorfinne Rowle, two of Voldemort's lackeys.

"You can have two: fuck off." Sirius had half turned to see who had spoken but now attempted to continue on his way. Rowle blocked him off.

"Outside if you please Master Black." Both Death Eaters spoke to Sirius with the formalities thrust upon them by the pureblood hierarchy.

With no other choice, Sirius turned from his intended destination and followed Lestrange from the dingy pub, closely followed by Rowle.

"What do you want this time?" Sirius spoke harshly, addressing them both as his right hand twitched towards his wand.

"The Dark Lord wishes to make you one final offer." Lestrange, the taller of the two spoke politely but his facial expression was one of utmost disgust. "He says if you join us now he will still offer you the position of his right-hand, in the inner circle, though there will be no longer be any great riches."

"I don't give a rat's arse about Voldemort's _offers._" Sirius spat though as he said it he could feel the weight of his father's letter in his pocket.

"Do not speak the name of our lord!" The Death Eaters barked in unison.

"_Your_ lord." Sirius said. "I don't believe in your ideology, it disgusts me."

"The Dark Lord gave us another message to pass on should you turn down his offer, Master Black." Lestrange said, regaining his calm composure though his tone had a bite to it. "He said: should you choose to disobey him once more we should talk to your brother. Moreover, he said you would become a target of the Dark Lord and all his followers, you and everyone you care about would not be safe again."

"You leave Regulus alone!" Sirius barked colour draining from his face as his infamous rage began to fill him. He felt his muscles tense and his hand jump involuntarily into the pocket that housed his wand.

"Ah, now we can't do that if you defy the Dark Lord again." Rowle grinned dirtily from underneath his hood.

"It's me you've got dealings with not him. Just leave him be."

"It appears, Master Black, that you do not understand the nature of the Dark Lord; we cannot defy our Lord and he does not like defiance. If you refuse his offer it falls to your brother to pick up the pieces when he comes of age."

"And if I agree?" He snarled in return.

"Young Regulus Black will not be approached by the Dark Lord, if he wishes to join our righteous cause then it is his decision alone."

"Let me think on it." Sirius suddenly felt sick but the rage didn't leave him.

"Of course, Master Black. The Dark Lord has graciously given you a month to decide and your induction will be in three months' time, on your seventeenth birthday." With that, both Death Eaters turned on their respective heels and left.

_How dare they threaten him? This was blackmail, using Regulus to get to him, how dare they? _But Sirius couldn't let his baby brother take the fall for him, he'd spent a large proportion of his childhood protecting him from their parents' world and he wasn't going to change that now. But he didn't want to join the dark side. He felt more strongly against this than he'd ever felt against something before.

Sirius re-entered the pub with a dark look on his face, muscles still tense.

"Are you alright Sirius?" The barmaid, Rosmerta called.

Sirius just grunted in reply before heading down the steps and into the pub's cellar to get to the tunnel back to the fourth floor.

~#~

Upon exiting the tunnel by the mirror on the fourth floor, Sirius came face to face with an irate Transfiguration professor.

"Black! I have been looking all over for you, if you have been sneaking out of school again I will have no other choice but to have you suspended."

"Er. I was just coming back from the library." Sirius became aware of the smell of tobacco and whiskey on his breath at the same time McGonagall did.

"Last I heard, Mr Black, the library does not serve alcohol and cigarettes. My office, now!"

She stepped to the side to allow Sirius passage to the staircase to get to the first floor. Once inside she beckoned him to stand in front of her desk while she sat behind it.

"Where were you really?" Her curt tone never disappeared throughout her questioning.

Sirius was still left with no choice but to lie. Thankfully it was something he was rather good at given his upbringing. "On the fourth floor balcony. Having a few drinks before going up to the tower." Sirius knew to add a few pauses in his speech in order to give the air that he was telling the truth.

"I do not wish to have to add the use of prohibited items to your rather excessive record Mr Black, but you leave me no choice. I had been looking for you as you had missed a detention with me this evening and the headmaster had wanted a word with you."

Sirius couldn't help the involuntary shudder that went through him at those words. They had never been a good omen. Sirius didn't get on with Professor Dumbledore and never had. Initially he thought it was because he was always being sent to see him with the other Marauders. However, as time passed Sirius noticed that Dumbledore looked at James far more favourably that he did Sirius despite them both having records of equal length and severity. Therefore, Sirius came to the conclusion that the headmaster couldn't see past his surname and attributed all his misdemeanours to his family's reputation.

"Due to your recent behaviour in the last week the headmaster has decided to take action." McGonagall's curt voice cut through his internal monologue.

"What recent behaviour?" Sirius replied innocently.

"Your level of misbehaviour has increased dramatically in the last two weeks. This week alone you have hexed four students, been in a duel with two others, been caught sneaking off school grounds, Professor Jewkes informed me that you have not attended a single Herbology lesson all week and Mr Filch caught yourself and Miss Lawrence rather engaged in a fifth floor broom cupboard last night."

"Oh that." Sirius hadn't realised it had been such a short time span. But in truth, he'd been more stressed in the past few weeks and had hence begun acting out more than usual as it was the only way he'd found to cope with all the pressure.

"As such, the headmaster has seen fit to invite your mother to the castle for a meeting between myself, the headmaster and yourself."

"He did what!" Was he trying to get him killed? There was only a month left of term before the summer holidays, anything his mother heard of him now would surely be held again him when he returned home.

McGonagall was internally rather impressed that she had finally made the boy in front of her seem panicky about his punishment. However she soon quashed that emotion. She knew Sirius far better than any other professor at Hogwarts and knew that nothing would elicit such a response unless it was serious.

"I would appreciate it, Mr Black, if you did not raise your voice in my office. Now, we must leave for the Headmaster's office for your meeting."

~#~

Upon entering the Headmaster's spacious office, the first thing Sirius saw was his mother's face. Her small, beady eyes were glaring across the room and felt as though they were piercing into his soul. Her face was tinged with red from her anger. Sirius knew where he got his temper from and this offered him no comfort in the current situation.

Sirius couldn't help but flinch at the sight of her as the door swung shut behind him.

"If you'd take a seat Mr Black." Dumbledore said from the other side of his desk.

"What has the insolent brat done now?" Walburga Black sneered from Sirius' right.

"By insolent brat I assume you mean your son, Mrs Black?" McGonagall said cuttingly, she had severely dislike Sirius' parents since the first howler he'd received on his second day in first year. She could not understand how any parent could treat their child in such a malignant manner.

In response Walburga just glared haughtily back which Minerva was happy to return with her own patented glare.

"Mr Black's behaviour of late has gone from bad to worse despite receiving numerous punishments from the school." Dumbledore seemed gleefully ignorant of the exchange between the two women. "In the last month alone he has accumulated more detentions than most students get in their entire school career."

Sirius was eyeing his mother carefully. He could see colour gradually rising up her neck and her hands clenched in her lap, both warning signs of an imminent explosion. Sirius just hoped that she wouldn't do anything in public. He tried to remember to breathe.

"And what exactly _are_ these misdemeanours?" Walburga snarled through clenched teeth.

"Mr Black has hexed six students, been caught duelling three times, been caught out of his dormitory after curfew, been outside of school grounds without permission, been absent from various lessons, caused general disruption and last night was caught in a compromising situation in a broom cupboard with a fellow student by our caretaker."

With the last point, Walburga turned in her chair to scowl more pointedly at her eldest and least loved son. "I imagine this 'fellow student' was a mudblood was she, boy?"

Sirius knew he had to reply but at his mother's words he could feel the familiar anger rising within him though it had never truly gone from his earlier encounter with the Death Eaters.

"I would appreciate that you watch your language within my office, thank you Mrs Black. I don't see how a student's parentage affects the severity of this situation."

"Not to you, perhaps." She snarled back, only just biting back the comment of Dumbledore being a muggle-loving fool.

Sirius clenched the arms of his chair tightly to stop himself rising. He glanced out the window to see how much time he had before he was supposed to meet his friends. Another hour at the very most.

"We believe that at this stage Sirius cannot receive a suspension as he is close to taking his O. and a suspension would be detrimental to his future. However, if this behaviour continues Mr Black, you will find all your privileges removed."

"I wish for a word with my _son_, Professor if you please." Walburga demanded spitting out the words in disgust.

"Of course. Professor McGonagall and I shall wait in the antechamber." Sirius' eyes widened which was missed by two of the three adults. Minerva looked at the boy with a look of surprise colouring her usual stern demeanour.

The minute the large oak door shut, Walburga Black was out of her seat before Sirius even had a chance to flinch. As it was, his eyes were still staring at the now closed door longingly.

"How dare you besmirch the House of Black in this way?" She screeched so loudly that both Professors Dumbledore and McGonagall could hear her from the other side of the thee-inch-thick wooden door.

"Your father and I have been incredibly lenient with you over the years but we have now decided to make you feel the full weight of the consequences. You shall feel the extent of our anger upon your return home."

Sirius stared wide-eyed at her, still aching with the anger that had been coursing through his veins since his impromptu meeting in Hogsmeade.

"You are a despicable child, happy to simply leech off your kind and loving family-"

Sirius couldn't help himself. He laughed a laughter unheard within the walls of Hogwarts but familiar to Grimmauld Place. A dark laugh full of utter derision.

"You've never been kind to me. Never shown me an ounce of love. If it wasn't for Reg I'd have left that detestable house years ago." Sirius said in his low growl that the students and staff had quickly come to recognise. He steadily rose from his chair, breathing heavily.

"You ungrateful brat! Your father and I have suffered such shame because of you. If only you had been more like Regulus. He does not have any trouble understanding our beliefs."

"That's only because you brainwashed him before he knew the truth." The tension in the room was palpable, the conversation was steadily rising to their usual argument level, a level which could make walls shake.

"How dare you-" Walburga was reaching for her wand and Sirius was bracing himself for what was surely to follow when the door opened, admitting Dumbledore and McGonagall once more.

Walburga Black hastily pocketed her wand again.

"While I wish I could have let you continue your discussion for longer, there is only ten minutes until curfew. Mr Black, you should return to Gryffindor tower. Make sure you get there." Dumbledore said, oblivious to the tension between the two Blacks in his vicinity.

Sirius glanced out the window again. Dark was now falling rapidly.

"Yes Sir." He replied with only a little sarcasm before leaving the room and beginning to run down to the Entrance Hall.

~#~

It was while hurtling down the second floor corridor that Sirius' evening went from bad to worse. He ran headlong into Severus Snape.

"Watch where you're going Black!" Snape snarled.

"Oh just fuck off will you?" Sirius replied as he regained his balance, his hackles rising.

"Not so fast. You're heading off to meet up with that beast Lupin aren't you? Careful he doesn't _bite_."

Sirius didn't like where this conversation was heading. Snivellus had been trailing the Marauders all over Hogwarts for the last couple of months trying to find out where they'd been sneaking out to all the time.

"How is _Lupine_ now? He looked awfully pale at dinner."

"What do you care, you slime balled freak?" Sirius moved to shove violently past the other boy but Severus had other ideas as he pulled his wand from his robes.

"I saw you come back from the headmaster's office Black. Heard your mother screeching her disappointment. How does it feel to be so worthless even your own mother doesn't want you."

Something in Sirius snapped. He spun on his heel, wand in hand, a particularly nasty hex on his lips.

But Snape had anticipated it. Before Sirius could utter even a syllable Snape had flicked his wand and Sirius was blasted into the wall directly behind him with a sickening crack.

Unfortunately for Severus, Sirius was used to pain and so stumbled back to his feet, fire burning in his stormy grey eyes.

He raised his wand, pointing it at Snape before muttering the hex. Snape flew into the opposite wall – though considerably smoother than Sirius had been thrown – and was held there by an invisible hand around his neck. Sirius stalked up to the dangling boy and punched him square in the jaw, knocking his head against the stonework behind him.

"You couldn't help yourself could you Snivellus, had to keep nosing around in other people's private lives because you don't have one of your own." Sirius seethed. "It's not as if you're bright enough to get past the Willow on your own. You probably wouldn't even see the knot if it danced in front of you naked."

Then, for good measure, Sirius punched Snape once more. His head cracked against the stone wall and his body slumped to the ground as the spell wore off.

Sirius knew he desperately needed to calm down. He knew from previous experience what it was like to encounter a werewolf while he was angry. In fact, he still had the scar to remind him.

Pulling aside a tapestry a little down from the unconscious fifth year. Sirius slumped to the floor, his head in his hands and his muscles twitching. His life had finally gotten too much for him to handle. He didn't know what to do with himself.

~#~

Around half an hour later, Sirius managed to pull his head out from the bottomless pit of self-hate and fury it had fallen into. He checked his watch before cursing inwardly, the moon had risen and his friends would be waiting for him.

Staggering to his feet, he shoved aside the tapestry and cautiously entered the corridor beyond. Thirty minutes after curfew and a serious warning under his belt, Sirius didn't want to be caught tonight.

Sparing a glance up the corridor to where the motionless Slytherin once lay, Sirius found the corridor empty and he inwardly smiled with mental images of Snape bouncing off the walls on the way back to the Slytherin common room.

Opening the Great Oak doors just enough to squeeze out into the mild June air, Sirius took a deep breath. Beginning the steady walk down to the Whomping Willow, James jogged up to him.

"Where've you been? Moony changed ten minutes ago." James said, falling into step next to his best friend.

"Just had to clear my head Prongs, you know how I get."

When the Whomping Willow came into view, Peter ran up to them clearly flustered.

"James, Sirius. I don't know what to do! Snivellus just turned up; he found the knot on the tree and everything! He's going to find Moony!" Peter was shaking uncontrollably.

Sirius felt his stomach go cold as dread filled him. He stopped in his tracks. James on the other hand, sprinted towards the tree, transforming into Prongs midstride so he could run quicker.

Peter, hoping for comfort from his friends and receiving none, looked at Sirius imploringly as one look at his face told him everything about the events in the last forty minutes.

"Sirius what have you done!?" Peter exclaimed, "You don't just go telling our enemies your best friend's secrets!"

Sirius couldn't move. He wanted to do something, he really did but his mind was busy replaying the events from his confrontation with Snape earlier to allow him movement. He became vaguely aware of Peter scurrying off back to the castle, evidently to get a teacher in case James didn't get there in time. Sirius was currently re-watching himself telling Snape how to get past the tree. At the time he hadn't given it much thought, too caught up in anger and thinking Snape too dazed to understand what was going on. Clearly he had been wrong. He had never felt worse in his life.

While Sirius was still stood motionless in sight of both the Willow and the castle, he saw the silhouette of James stagger out of the gap in the roots, supporting what appeared to be an unconscious Snape. As he made his way towards the castle, Professor McGonagall appeared behind Sirius, glaring daggers every which way.

"What in the name of Merlin is going on here?!" She spat, "You were told to return to your common room immediately."

At this point she became aware of James staggering up to them. Prongs looked at his best friend and saw only guilt etched all over his face.

"What the fuck have you done?!" James snarled, cottoning on quickly.

_If you spot any faults with it please feel free to let me know._

_If you liked it let me know, alternatively if you didn't that's okay and you can tell me if you like._

_I'll try and update sometimes._


	2. What Have You Done?

**Chapter 2 – What have you done?**

_At this point she became aware of James staggering up to them. Prongs looked at his best friend and saw only guilt etched all over his face._

"_What the fuck have you done?!" James snarled, cottoning on quickly._

~#~

Professor McGonagall had gotten the gist of the situation fairly quickly. All it had taken was a look at the Whomping Willow, the even-paler-than-usual Severus Snape and the immensely guilty look on Sirius Black's face coupled with the sheer anger from James Potter. Taking immediate action, she sent all four boys to the headmaster's office, anger radiating off her in waves.

Upon entering the office, the boys instantly took their seats. Snape sitting in the seat furthest to the right, Sirius took the furthest to the left. To Sirius' horror and disappointment, James took the seat next to Severus instead of the one next to his best friend.

While the boys took their seats, Minerva held a hushed conversation with the headmaster.

None of the four boys present, or indeed any of the population of Hogwarts (teaching staff included), had ever seen Professor Dumbledore so angry.

"Explain." He uttered in a voice so deadly that it became clear why it was rumoured that the Dark Lord was terrified of the man.

Severus Snape was the first to jump eagerly into his story.

"Black tried to kill me. He sent me down the Willow to be killed by that beast Lupin!"

The faces of all those present blanched as what they had feared was proven correct. Or, in Sirius' case, realised just how the situation looked.

"Is this true Mr Black?" Dumbledore said turning to face Sirius, his voice as hard a stone.

Sirius couldn't speak. Couldn't even utter a sound. He just sank his head into his hands, clenching his hands in his hair. Even he could tell he was messed up at the minute. He felt so guilty he wanted to jump off the astronomy tower yet at the same time he was still incredibly angry; at Voldemort, at Snape and at his mother. All the while he could feel the alcohol behind his eyes, trying to control his thoughts and actions. He fought every single one of his emotions, trying to be as dead to the world as it was physically possible to be while still alive.

His deadened expression and lack of response gave the Headmaster his answer.

"Why, Mr Black, did you feel the need to send a fellow student to his almost certain death?"

"I didn't mean… I don't…" Sirius floundered. "It was an accident." He finished pitifully. _He _didn't even know why he'd done it; he certainly wouldn't do it now. He could only put it down to his messed up emotions at the time.

"What the fuck do you mean it was an accident?" James shouted, "We trusted you, Moony trusted you. You don't _accidentally _tell someone like Snivellus how to get to Moony. You know that this sort of thing features in every single one of his nightmares and you almost made them come true."

The sheer hatred coming from his best friend made Sirius outwardly flinch as he realised the enormity of his actions.

"Mr Potter, if you would please calm down." James returned to his seat, not realising he had stood. "Now, I'd like to get to the bottom of this entire situation if you please. One at a time, I'd like for you to tell me what you know." Dumbledore's voice was deadly, glaring at each of the students in front of him with such intensity that his pale blue eyes seemed to be alight with fury.

Snape was the first to launch into his story as Sirius was too numb to begin and Peter and James hadn't known how everything had started.

"Black attacked me, Sir. On the second floor corridor. He slammed me into the wall and assaulted me. I'd seen them Sir, out at all hours every month. And Lupin: all shaky and pale around the full moon. I wanted to know what was going on. Black told me that the answers to all my questions could be found under the Whomping Willow. He said that all I had to do was press the knot on the base and it'd stop moving. He then knocked me out; probably to run off to his little friends and laugh at what he'd set me up to do. When I woke up, I was curious, so I went down to the Willow and found the knot on the tree. When it'd stopped moving I went down there and I could hear all this growling. So I followed the tunnel and when I go to the end, the growling had stopped and I heard sniffing. As the door at the end was wrenched open, Potter turned up, forced the door shut with some spell or another and tried to force me out of the tunnel. I was resistant Sir, he was clearly having second thoughts about trying to let that beast kill me and I told him so. Potter hit me, and I hit my head on the wall of the tunnel. They were plotting to _kill_ me Professor!"

At the culmination of Snape's tale, every face in the room was pale with anger. James looked ready to curse his best friend where he sat. Dumbledore however, did not comment on the story, instead turning to the other side of the room to Sirius whose head was still clenched in his hands.

"Mr Black." Dumbledore called quietly but not gently. Sirius glanced up and for a second met those piercing blue eyes and recoiled unconsciously. "Is what Mr Snape has said true?"

"Y-yes. Well… no. Not entirely." Sirius mumbled. It certainly looked as though he'd sent Snape to his death and Sirius couldn't help but see it that way too.

"Then explain."

"When I'd left here I'd started to walk down to the Entrance Hall."

"Regardless of explicitly being told to return immediately to your common room?" McGonagall seethed from behind them.

"J-James and Peter where expecting me. I-I couldn't leave them. But I was so angry, I didn't know what to do. When I ran in to Snivel-Sniv-Snape and he hexed me, it just triggered something. I wasn't really watching what I was saying. I can't even remember what I told him I was that angry. When he was unconscious, I left to calm down before meeting the others. When I'd started to move again he was gone, I thought he'd gone back to the dungeons. I didn't mean- I'm-" Sirius trailed off, the apology extinguishing on his lips as he realised how he'd betrayed one of his closest friends.

Dumbledore had reached a new state of anger. He'd just heard a half admission from one of his students for the near murder of another. Albus didn't think the boy truly knew the consequences of his actions.

"And you two," He said turning to James and Peter. "Did you know of the attempt on Mr Snape's life?"

"No Sir." James growled, all the while glaring daggers at his former friend, appalled that Sirius hadn't even attempted an apology to any of them.

"Then can you explain to me how you are involved?" Dumbledore returned, though a little kinder than he'd been when addressing Sirius.

"I-I-I s-saw Snape running t-to the Willow and R-Remus and when he dis-disappeared under it I ran to get the- the others." Snivelled Peter.

"Then I ran to stop him getting himself killed." James interjected. "When I got into the tunnel, Moony had smelled him so I shot a stunner at the door. Snivellus was being uncooperative when I told him we had to leave the tunnel so I shoved him to get him to understand. He knocked his head and he was more pliant after that so I guided him out. The look on Black's-" Sirius flinched violently at the use of his surname. "-face told me everything I needed to know." He finished with a snarl.

"I see." Dumbledore's anger hadn't quite abated though he wasn't entirely sure how he should deal with this situation. He'd never had to deal with anything quite so severe in his time as headmaster. Thus, he decided to start small. "Mr Potter, Mr Pettigrew, you will each receive two nights' detention with your head of house for being out after curfew." Both nodded resignedly. "And Mr Potter, know that your actions tonight have been very brave, as such Gryffindor will receive ten points."

"What!" Snape exclaimed indignantly. "You're just going to let them off when they were clearly plotting with Black and Lupin to get me killed!"

"I believe, Mr Snape that you are severely over-reacting." Dumbledore's cold voice cut through the boy's protests, silencing him instantly. The headmaster turned back to James and Peter, "You may both return to your common room. I trust that no word of tonight's events will be repeated to the rest of the school's population?" Both nodded. "Then Professor McGonagall will, I'm sure, inform you of the times of your detentions tomorrow."

James and Peter stood and turned to leave the room. Peter looking fearfully about the room muttered a short "'night Sir," James on the other hand, swept from the room without a word to anyone.

Once the door shut behind them, Dumbledore's anger returned with full force.

"I hope you are both aware of the severity of your actions."

"Both of us? I've done nothing wrong!" Snape was indignant once more.

"Yes the both of you. While you may not have instigated the events of tonight, you certainly provoked them. You further put yourself and two other students in perilous danger. You still shoulder a proportion of the blame for these events." Snape hung his head, chastised. "I want your word that you will not tell another student of these event or of Mr Lupin's condition."

"So you're going to carry on protecting him? You're just going to let the monster get away with it?"

Sirius' shoulders, previously hunched with anguish, stiffened noticeably as he raised his head to glare at Severus. "Remus is not a monster." He growled menacingly.

"Mr Black, your input was not required." Dumbledore said coldly before turning back to the Slytherin, "Remus is nothing other than a student with a tragic curse placed upon him. He did not chose to be the way he is, Mr Snape, and he is no danger to other human beings at any other time of the month unless they come into contact with him during a full moon. On such nights, he selflessly removes himself from company and suffers alone. The blame is not his. As such, I want your word that no other student will hear of these events otherwise I may be forced to take further steps."

"Alright, alright, I won't tell anyone. Though they have a right to know." Snape continued to glare at Sirius whose face was no longer down-turned, though his hands were still tightly clenched in his hair.

"Thank you. Now you will receive two week's detention from myself which I will assign you nightly at eight o'clock."

"What!?"

"You may leave." Dumbledore ignored the boy's outburst.

"I've done nothing wrong!"

"You may leave." The headmaster repeated. Snape finally got the message and, with a final death glare to Sirius, stalked from the room and noisily down the stone steps outside.

With Severus gone, the two teachers' attention was drawn entirely to the sixteen year old boy sat between them.

"You are aware of the danger you placed several students in this night, not least your friends?" Dumbledore's voice was quiet and deadly.

Sirius nodded; eyes downcast once more.

"Look at me." The boy painstakingly began to raise his eyes, as they met those of his headmaster his blood ran cold and he flinched noticeably. Professor Dumbledore always had a way to make Sirius feel incredibly guilty, even for the most minor of offenses, the way he felt now was incomparable to how he'd felt at any other time in his life.

"You realise that you could have destroyed Remus' life tonight. That if Mr Snape had been killed, then the Regulation for the Control of Magical Creatures would have been forced to brutally execute Remus? Nothing I would say would save his life. Even with Mr Snape's survival, had Professor McGonagall not got there when she did, Mr Snape may have told a large proportion of the school Mr Lupin's secret and the same scenario could have occurred? It is wrong that you have unwittingly involved a boy who has spent his life trying to be just as everyone else. Are you aware of how close you have come to ruining his life?"

Sirius felt as though his heart had turned to ice. He hadn't realised it'd be so severe. "Remus'll be okay though, won't he? You won't punish him and the Ministry won't be after him or anything?"

"I will not do anything to punish Mr Lupin; he had no power over his actions tonight. Unlike some. Though I do believe he will feel a great deal betrayed by a friend he thought he could trust with his inner most secrets."

If Sirius thought the guilt was worming through his very being before those words, it was nothing to how he felt after. In truth, he hadn't thought about Remus' feelings past the utter desolation in his soul for betraying his friend's confidences.

"Before these events you were in enough trouble and I told you that if it were not for your O.W.L.s then you would be suspended. As such, you will be permitted to continue attending lessons but you will receive detention every night for the rest of the school year at the very least. You will arrive here every evening after dinner when I will tell you where to go for your detention. Once it is finished, you will return to my office where you will remain for the rest of the night. You are to bring any school work or revision material that you require for this period. Additionally, you will have all day detentions in here with me on weekends starting from seven in the morning, I expect you to be on time. You will also arrive here every weekday morning at eight o'clock. I will be getting daily reports from all of your teachers to ensure you arrive punctually and complete the work to your highest ability. If this is not done, further action will be taken which will undoubtedly lead to your suspension or possible expulsion, regardless of your upcoming exams. Furthermore, due to your complete disregard for the safety of others and the school rules, I will take two hundred house points from Gryffindor and I will be sending yet another letter to your parents. Am I clear?"

"Yes Sir." Minerva had never, in the last five years, heard the boy sound so resigned.

"Then return to your dormitory, you have wasted enough time tonight."

Sirius left, shoulders completely hunched in defeat.

~#~

Sirius made his slow walk back to the Gryffindor common room through the dark and silent corridors of Hogwarts castle.

He couldn't believe what he had done, even in his darkest moments he had never even thought to betray his friends.

His thoughts turned automatically to Remus. He never used to cope particularly well with full moons when left to his own devices. It was the presence of his three friends that calmed him down, even enabled him to remember some of the night. He'd trusted the three of them completely that night in second year when he finally confessed to their suspicions. He'd made them all swear never to tell anyone, not even people they trusted. He was so paranoid about what might happen if people found out. And now Sirius realised, his fears weren't as unfounded as they'd all initially thought.

All too soon, Sirius arrived at the portrait of the Fat Lady and seriously considered not going in and facing his friends. He knew they'd be angry, betrayal was the worst thing any of them had never imagined; they'd always trusted each other too much.

With a resigned sigh, he said the password and scrambled inside.

The common room seemed completely alien to Sirius. It contained only fifth and seventh years that were all revising and a smattering of other students who'd forgotten some homework or another. Regardless of the work going on in the room, the students appeared happy. Today had been the first truly sunny day of the summer and had instantly raised everyone's moods. But Sirius felt separate from everything, perhaps because their emotions clashed too horribly with his, perhaps because he felt more lonely and isolated than he'd ever felt in his life.

But, he thought: he'd done all this to himself. It was no one's fault except his own, not even Snivellus'.

With his head down-turned and hands thrust deep in his pockets, Sirius began to walk across the common room to the stairs that lead up to the dormitories.

Just when he thought he'd made it, he heard a shout from one of the comfy chairs.

"Oi Black, where d'you think you're going?" Sirius couldn't help but recognise the voice as being James', still fuelled entirely with anger. The common room fell abruptly silent as everybody's heads swivelled to face the two boys.

Wand held aloft, James stalked across the room, pinning Sirius into a corner. Looking into his best friends eyes, all Sirius saw was hurt and betrayal. He didn't draw his wand, he didn't want to. He deserved everything James would give him.

"What, got nothing to say for yourself Black?" The use of his surname hurt Sirius more than he'd ever say aloud but James caught his flinch. "What? Don't like your last name? Why not? You're just like the rest of them anyway."

Every occupant of the room gasped. There had never, in the last five years been a fall out between James Potter and Sirius Black and this one was set up to be apocalyptic.

"You're just as worthless and despicable as every other Black that walked this earth. You're just as insane, just as willing to hurt people 'beneath' you." James continued advancing. "You've tried to tell us all that for nearly six years and we believed you. How gullible can we get? But now I know the truth, Black. You're more than willing to betray your so-called friends for the sheer hell of it. You'd probably kill us yourself if you thought you'd get enough out of it. You're just like the rest of your despicable family. Well I've got news for you Black, the only thing beneath you is dirt, the rest of the world is just better than you."

Sirius said nothing to defend himself. He couldn't. He didn't truly disagree with anything James said anymore.

"I am disgusted I ever even considered you a friend. You should just run off a join Voldemort now instead of sticking around here." James' voice was a bellow despite having got closer to Sirius with every word.

James let his words sink in but one member of the silent crowd suddenly shook themselves free from their stupor.

"Potter, I doubt that anything Black has done-"

"Shut up Evans! This has nothing to do with you!" James roared back, not even turning to face her. The room came alive at once with whispers. James had done nothing but try to win Lily over for several years now and his sudden change of behaviour shocked everyone.

Lily stood there speechless and James neared his former friend again.

"You're nothing but a Black and you mean nothing to me." He spat.

"You're a worthless piece of scum that doesn't deserve to live. You mean nothing to me and you don't deserve friends."

With his final word, he drew his right arm back and struck Sirius will all his might. Sirius flew back into the corner and his skull made a sickening crack against the wall behind him, but he continued to refuse to defend himself.

"You're not to come into the dormitory again." He punched Sirius in the stomach and Sirius doubled over in pain and James punched him again in the face. James, wand still in hand, turned to go up the stairs to the dormitory but with his foot on the bottom step, he turned back. "And you're to tell Remus what you did in the morning; he deserves to hear it straight from the traitor's mouth." He raised his wand and shot a cutting hex towards the corner before climbing the stairs.

As for Sirius, the hex cut him across the cheek and he could feel the blood oozing down his face. He sank to the floor with his legs out in front of him and his back to the corner.

The utter desolation that hit him was unparalleled by anything he'd ever felt, it was as though the entire world had turned and tried to crush him down entirely.

The boy was completely unaware of everything that was happening around him. That said, not a lot _was_ happening. The room was so quiet you could hear the snores from the dormitory above. Lily however, thought she should try to comfort the boy she had never really liked, after all, he did seem incredibly hurt and upset about whatever it was that had happened.

Moving from her stunned position in the middle of the room she got within five paces of the boy before being abruptly thrown backwards. She looked at Sirius, expecting to find his wand raised but it wasn't even in his hand. It seemed Sirius' own self-hate was strong enough to allow his magic to forcibly prevent anybody from nearing him.

"Black! Look Black I just want to help." Lily called trying to get near to him again, ending up with the same result. "Fine, if you want to just sit there bleeding all over the place and wallowing in self-pity, I won't try to help."

Sirius wasn't even paying attention and Lily returned to her revision with her friends as the room filled with rapid whispers discussing the recent separation of the two closest friends Hogwarts had ever seen.

~#~

After around two hours, Sirius began to return to his senses. The first thing he noticed was that the room had emptied. The second thing he noticed was the time; it was half past one in the morning.

He tried to stand at first, but he was still bruised and the movement caused him pain. This turned his attention immediately to James. He didn't blame his friend at all; he thought his reaction was entirely justified in fact. The only problem that surfaced in his mind was where he was going to sleep now that he'd been barred from his own dormitory. While he could easily spend one night on the sofas in the common room, he didn't want to spend anymore there. And he wanted to avoid James and Peter, and later Remus, as best he as he could, not wanting to force his presence on any of them when he couldn't even forgive himself for his actions.

With this thought in mind, he carefully clambered to his feet and swayed slightly on the spot. He turned and pushed open the portrait and stumbled out into the corridor before letting the portrait swing sleepily shut behind him. As he began walking down the stair with the intention of finding an abandoned classroom to call his own for the rest of the year, a thought hit him. He instead turned to head towards the sixth floor corridor and the Room of Requirement, thinking that at least this way it'd provide him with the school things he needed, thus preventing him from needing to return to the Gryffindor common room entirely.

_I apologise for the delay but I suddenly realised that I ought to do SOME revision for my A-Levels (muggle N.E.W.T.s) so I had to stop writing. Hopefully now they're over I'll have more time to write._

_Once again, let me know what you think._


	3. A Distance Forming

**Chapter 3 – A Distance Forming**

"_You're not to come into the dormitory again." He punched Sirius in the stomach and Sirius doubled over in pain and James punched him again in the face. James, wand still in hand, turned to go up the stairs to the dormitory but with his foot on the bottom step, he turned back. "And you're to tell Remus what you did in the morning; he deserves to hear it straight from the traitor's mouth." He raised his wand and shot a cutting hex towards the corner before climbing the stairs._

~#~

Sirius awoke sluggishly the following morning. He had a pounding in his head that the boy quickly recognised as a particularly nasty hangover and a rough feeling on his tongue that practically screamed for water.

Rolling from the bed and staggering to his feet, Sirius suddenly got a look at his surroundings (albeit through half-closed eyelids). Though he had not been specific in his request from the room the previous night, the room seemed to recognise him and had furnished its insides with Gryffindor colours and crests. There was a low fire burning in the grate opposite, which sent comforting warmth through the room that was reminiscent of the Gryffindor common room.

However, the room was not his dormitory and he could not hear his dorm mates frantically preparing for the day ahead. Sirius sunk back onto the bed as remembrance struck him. The fifth year no longer felt the warmth of the fire; in fact he no longer felt any warmth at all. He felt as cold as if a Dementor had just entered the room, every previously happy, contented thought was wrenched from his mind as he remembered just what he had done.

How could he betray his closest friends so easily? They were all he really had left in the world as his family was close to giving up hope on him and he and his brother were no longer close. Sirius had never felt as close to anyone as he did his friends, he would have done anything for them if only they asked.

And yet, Moony did ask. The only thing he ever asked was that the three of them never tell another soul. And that was the one promise he had broken.

The sudden thought of Padfoot surged through his mind when he thought of his most betrayed friend. Padfoot, the dog: symbolic of loyalty and faith. How could he become such an animal when he so readily betrayed his friends? There was no way he could have the qualities of a dog when that was how he really acted. He was not the loyal hound nor the defender of his friends and he certainly wasn't a brave Gryffindor when he caved to Snape's wishes so easily.

Once again Sirius' thoughts strayed to Remus. He was probably in a right sorry mess in the Hospital Wing just like he used to be after a full moon, before they all became animagi for him. He would be undeniably confused at what caused his new injuries and why he had had such a horrible night. And he would quickly realise that the root of his problems was the absence of his friends the previous night.

With the image of a beaten and broken best friend in his mind, Sirius cast a quick time charm to find out how long he had until he had to see Dumbledore. He had just forty minutes to clean himself up, still bloody from James' wrath a few hours earlier, and try to explain to Remus what on earth he had been thinking.

Quickly showering in a side-room he hadn't previously noticed and grabbing the necessary books for the day from a shelf he could've sworn hadn't been there when he'd awoken, Sirius ran from the room.

He hurtled along the left corridor before skidding around the corner onto the Grand Staircase. He stumbled down two flights of stairs before stopping to an aggravating halt at the third staircase. After waiting two painstaking minutes, the stairs had realigned giving Sirius access to the fourth floor. He pulled open the heavy door leading to the fourth floor corridor and sprinted along it before tearing open the portrait revealing the Hospital Tower staircase. He practically jumped down all three sets of stairs and ran along the corridor before slamming to a halt at the threshold to the Hospital Wing.

All this time and Sirius hadn't thought to think what he was going to tell Remus.

~#~

Peering in from the doorway, Sirius saw that the room beyond was empty. Empty, barring the figure he knew to occupy the bed at the end of the Wing and the healer he believed to be in her bed in the office.

Stepping cautiously into the large, sterile white room, Sirius approached the bed at the end.

He'd only taken a handful of quiet steps before a hoarse but friendly voice called: 'Padfoot!'

The boy recoiled inwardly at the use of his nickname. It brought him back to his previous musings regarding his own failings.

Unfortunately, his scarred friend caught the aghast and stricken look that flitted across Sirius' face.

'What's the matter? What happened? I assume you lot got caught with some prank last night so you couldn't make it? I've not felt this bad for a little while now.' Remus however, smiled at his friend warmly, not blaming any of his three friends for an instant.

Sirius finally reached the bed, though he stopped short of its foot whereas he'd usually stand beside his friend.

'Remus…' the name clawed its way out of Sirius' throat before he'd had a chance to stop it. The pained sound instantly drew Remus' attention and he quickly lost his smile.

'What is it Padfoot?'

'I'm sorry Remus. I'm so sorry.' Remus looked confusedly on, taking in the hunched and defeated look in his friend's stature that was so alien to the boy.

'I never meant- I didn't mean- I swear to you I didn't mean to betray you.'

Remus' heart felt as though it dropped through his stomach and clattered on the floor. 'What did you do?' His tone was low and solemn, leaving no room for any argument or deviation in conversation.

'I- I told Sniv- Snape how to find you.' The dark haired boy stuttered before clenching his eyes shut.

'You did what?' Remus' low voice was positively venomous. 'Please tell me he had more sense than to follow your thick-headed directions? Please tell me he's not dead?'

Sirius could only shake his head.

'Oh Merlin, I didn't _bite_ him did I?' Remus looked in equal parts appalled, angry and devastated.

'No. No, he's fine and he won't say anything either. James and Dumbledore saw to that. I'm sorry Remus, I honestly didn't mean to.'

'Get out. I don't want to see you or hear your ridiculous apologies again.' Remus looked as though he expected, nay hoped for, some form of argument from Sirius, as he'd usually get when annoyed with him or telling him to do something. Instead, Sirius hung his head still lower and nodded to the floor before shuffling away to the exit.

While Remus had expected more of an objection from his friend, he was immensely angry with him. He had trusted his three friends more than anything, against his better judgement. But he had trusted them with his greatest secret and yet Sirius had thrown that away over a petty feud. Remus didn't think his former friend quite understood the consequences of his lunar condition, didn't understand what it meant if the world knew.

Remus watched his retreating back and noticed as a new shadow appeared in the doorway. He watched as the new shadow forcefully collided with the stooped figure hard enough to send him clattering into a nearby bed. Yet no words were exchanged and the broader, longer-haired boy collected himself before continuing his journey out of the room.

The shadow moved, accompanied now by another figure, towards Remus' bed. With the anger at Sirius' betrayal still coursing through his veins and the lasting aches and pains from his transformation, Remus was unsure if he was ready to face his other 'friends' and hear of how they too betrayed him.

However, the two figures approached the bed as they usually did at this time of the month. With one stood on either side, Remus had no escape from the words he thought inevitable.

'How are you Remus? Do you hurt a lot again? Are there any breaks?' James spoke softly and Remus looked up at the concerned tone exhibited by the dark-haired boy.

James caught the understanding behind his furrowed brow. 'You surely don't think we had anything to do with what that _git_ do to you? You know we'd never betray you or even intentionally hurt you.'

'I once thought that Sirius wouldn't do that either.' Remus spoke quietly, staring at his knees.

'Well the git showed himself to be more faithful to the family he claimed to detest than to the friends he claimed were better than his blood. Just showed himself to be a true Black after all, even after he spent so long convincing us all otherwise.' James spat.

'Don't say that James, even after all he's done. He's not _that _bad, not really. Is he?'

'Maybe not yet.' Peter spoke quietly, reminding the other two of his presence.

At that point the resident healer came bustling into the room. 'Right you three…' She trailed off, only just noticing the absence of the fourth Marauder. 'Two, you should go get some breakfast otherwise you won't have time before lessons start, you can come back at lunch. Remus isn't well enough to be joining you this morning.' She turned to Remus and continued talking, though with a much kinder and gentler tone. 'You were getting so much better after your transformations recently dear, and now you've suddenly regressed again. I can't imagine what caused it.'

A low growl uttered from James' lips so reminiscent of their former friend that they all stopped short.

'Off you go you two.' The matron said sternly.

Peter turned to the pale boy in the bed, 'we'll be back later Moony, try and get some sleep.'

'Yeah, see you later Moony.' James echoed.

Remus watched the retreating back of his two remaining friends with a heavy heart, starting to rethink his previous decision to trust his friends.

Madam Pomfrey moved in for her second round of healing as the dark oak doors quietly shut at the other end of the room.

~#~

Sirius had to sprint in order to reach Dumbledore's office before eight o'clock.

When he reached the stone gargoyle on the seventh floor it had already moved aside revealing the passageway and staircase beyond.

Trying to catch his breath as he stood on the stairs as they wound him up to the Headmaster's office, Sirius straightened his tie and tucked in his shirt, thinking it best to attempt a good impression.

He rapped on the door three times and listened to the sound echo beyond the heavy wooden doors.

'Come in.' A muffled but distinctive voice called.

Taking a last deep breath, Sirius pushed open the door prepared to swallow his fate. Though he expected to see a small crowd in the office, the fifth year was pleased to note that the only inhabitant was the headmaster.

Moving to stand in front of the dark wood desk, Sirius looked up into the eyes of Professor Dumbledore. He cringed inwardly at the intensity of the bright blue eyes that could always make him feel uncomfortable.

'Morning Sir.' He muttered in greeting.

'Ah Mr Black, right on time I see. I wanted you to meet me here in the mornings so that I could ensure you would make all your lessons on time and were in the right frame of mind for the day. As I have now done that, I will let you get to breakfast before heading to Charms I believe. You are to meet with Professor McGonagall at six o'clock in her office for your detention tonight. Good day.'

Noting the brusque dismissal, Sirius turned about and left the room.

~#~

Wandering at a fairly swift pace down seven floors, Sirius began to ponder where he'd eat breakfast. He really wasn't in the mood for food but knew his stomach wouldn't forgive him in two hours if he didn't. He didn't want the attention another argument with James would cause and couldn't bear the staring that he'd already had to endure while wondering around the school if he went into the Great Hall. It appeared that news of the argument the previous night had quickly spread through the whole school.

As a result of his musings, Sirius by-passed the open doors to the Great Hall. He was assaulted by the happy talking of his classmates in the brief time he crossed the glow emitting from the room. Instead he walked down to the kitchen corridor and pushed aside the painting of the fruit bowl and placed his order with the all-too-cheerful house elves.

~#~

Sirius was among the first to charms and was therefore at the front of the queue while his friends were where he'd usually be; at the back after having an extended breakfast. Once Flitwick had arrived and let the class into the room, Sirius made straight for the front corner, knowing it would be well away from where James, Remus and Peter would sit. Thankfully, there were more than enough desks for everyone to sit at so Sirius was not joined by another student.

The lesson passed slowly as Sirius struggled to pay attention. His mind kept wandering to his current predicament and the distance formed between himself and his friends. Unfortunately, this was all too obvious for his classmates who could see the physical distance between the previously inseparable four. Every time the Charms professor's back was turned, students turned to one another to whisper about this latest gossip.

It wasn't until ten minutes before the end of the lesson when someone was brave enough to enquire directly with one of the Marauders.

Todd Eilers, a fellow Gryffindor, turned from his seat in front of the trio and said: 'Oi James, what happened between you lot and Black?' Though he whispered, the entire class could hear. Even Professor Flitwick stiffened at the front of the room and tried to listen in surreptitiously.

'He showed himself to be a right dick and a true Black and that's unforgivable.' James replied bluntly.

'But what's he done?'

'That's none of your business.'

Upon realising he'd get no more information out of the dark-haired boy, Eilers returned to face the front of the room and the rest of the lesson passed in relative peace.

~#~

The following few lessons continued in the same vain, though their last lesson proved to be a little more interesting. The Gryffindors shared this lesson with the Hufflepuffs and as there were so many Hufflepuffs, Sirius had not the room to work alone.

Eventually paired with Faye Lockhart, the chattiest girl in the school, Sirius braced himself for the endless questions that were sure to follow the minute the professor stopped talking.

Sure enough, five minutes later when they'd been set to work on removing the pods from their Vervain plants Lockhart turned and opened her mouth to start the barrage of questions. Noticing this, Sirius "accidentally" prodded the stem of the plant causing sticky black ink to be squirted all over Faye Lockhart's golden yellow hair.

She soon ran squealing from the room and the class burst out laughing.

~#~

At six o'clock that evening, Sirius could be found outside his head of house's office after eating a slow dinner in the kitchens, awaiting her arrival for his detention.

By now the news of his detachment from the group known to the school as the Marauders was known by all houses, not just his own.

As such, when a small group of Slytherins turned to walk along the First Floor Corridor and spotted Sirius stood alone, they began to taunt him.

'Oi Black, I hear you broke up with your boyfriend.' Sirius spun, wand already in hand. Four Slytherins began their approach, each with their wands raised.

'Nobody here to save you now blood traitor. Nobody to have your back.' Carrow's voice was cold and sinister.

The four began to spread out and Sirius noticed the taller boy behind them and felt his gut clench in half panic. It was Tristram Wilkes, a seventh year known for his dark curses and skill at duelling. While Sirius' own duelling ability was well known in the school, he could not hope to beat four aspiring Death Eaters when Wilkes was among them.

'Shall we teach the blood traitor a lesson, boys?'

Sirius only just got a shield up in time as a slashing hex fizzled out just before hitting his noise. Instinctively dropping into a half crouch so as to duel better, Sirius quickly shot back a Jelly-legs curse which caught Rowle square in the chest and caused him to clatter into Carrow and block the next shot.

While Sirius was distracted with Rowle, Wilkes caught him with a hammer hex which threw him hard into the stone wall behind and his skull cracked against it. Blood trickled down his neck but he was not yet unconscious, though his vision was bleary.

Just as the older boy raised his wand with a follow-up curse on his lips a shrill voice called down the hall: 'What in the name of Merlin is the meaning of this?'

The four Slytherins spun on the spot, wands lowering as they turned; Rowle stumbled and fell over due to the lingering Jelly-legs curse. Sirius did not have the energy or the concentration to move and instead slumped against the wall, feeling the back of his head as he went.

'Into my office, now!' Minerva McGonagall flicked her wand and the door beside Sirius sprung open. The Slytherins trudged in, none looking even slightly remorseful.

Raising his wand to his head, Sirius tapped the deep gash in his skull and muttered 'etiam' and five neat stiches closed the wound and stopped the blood flow. It didn't, however, make the dizziness go away.

The deputy headmistress stopped in front of him and ushered him into the room behind the Slytherins. As he turned into the room, she vanished the small splash of blood on the wall.

When she had moved to stand behind her desk, all five boys were standing facing her, though Sirius was stood further off to the side and was leaning heavily on the desk behind him.

'What happened?' Her voice was low.

'Just teaching the blood traitor a lesson Professor.' Wilkes spoke, clearly the nominated leader of the group of students.

'And four against one is acceptable for you is it?'

Wilkes had the decency and common sense not to reply.

'I will not have duelling in the corridors of this school. You four will each serve detention with me for the rest of this week starting from now, I will also be taking this to the headmaster.' She now turned to the Gryffindor stood before her. 'Mr Black, am I right in believing that you are not foolish enough to start a duel with such abysmal odds and therefore were just the victim of this attack?'

''Es Professor.' He half-slurred in reply.

'Then as you were already due to be in detention tonight I will not add to it but I will not have the five of you together in my office for a detention.' She turned back to the five students as a whole. 'I believe Professor Whitlock needs his classroom cleaning after a student got violently ill before lunch. I will send for him to collect the four of you.' She nodded towards the Slytherins. 'You will each leave your wands with me.'

The Slytherins groaned in disgust but each handed over their wands with only a little complaining.

McGonagall cast a brief message charm which sped out of the room and seconds later the fireplace glowed bright green as the Ancient Runes professor stepped out.

'Ah, some willing volunteers for cleaning I see. Thank you Professor, I will take over from here.' The wizened old professor said almost gleefully.

The four students left the room, scowling at Sirius and McGonagall as they went. When left alone, the Transfiguration teacher turned to her student with an almost kindly look on her face.

'Are you okay, Black? No lasting damage?' Instead of waiting for his reply she cast a quick diagnostic charm.

Sirius shuffled uncomfortably as he felt the charm probe him, ''m fine,' he muttered.

'Yes, it appears you are. You have healed the cut well enough. You're just left with a concussion which should be clear by tomorrow.' She motioned for Sirius to sit at the desk he was leaning against.

Once he had done so, she spoke again. 'You're lucky. I was going to have you clean the Runes classroom but given your clearly disorientated state I thought it unwise. Instead you can do lines, that shouldn't aggravate the concussion too much.'

~#~

Once the tediously slow detention was over, Sirius grabbed his bag from under the desk and set off for what he now nicknamed 'round two'.

Professor Dumbledore's office was much the same as it had been that previous morning, with the exception of there now being a desk and chair settled in the corner.

'Sit down, I assume you have homework you can be doing?' Professor Dumbledore spoke from above a large book he was perusing.

'Yes, Sir.'

'Then you can be getting on with that for now. If you are finished then let me know and I will give you something else to do.' The headmaster returned to the book on his desk as Sirius sat himself at the desk opposite.

By ten o'clock, an hour before fifth year curfew, Sirius announced that he was done with that day's homework.

Dumbledore nodded curtly without saying a word before rising out of his chair and entering the room behind. Around a minute later he returned, carrying three heavy books and a long roll of blank parchment.

Placing these on the desk in front of the fifth year he said, 'From now on, when you finish homework and studying, I want you to write me an extended essay on werewolves, covering appearance and personality both during transformation and during the rest of the month. I also want you to detail the laws regarding werewolves and what happens to them if they are caught.'

Sirius blanched only thinking about what the books in front of him might contain.

Swallowing his punishment just a nod of the head, Sirius picked up the top book from the small pile in front of him. It was titled 'Darkest Beasts and their Threats to Humanity.' The second read 'Laws and Punishments for Magical Creatures.' He did not want to look at the third.

The rest of the evening passed quietly until ten minutes to eleven when Professor Dumbledore told him to leave and return again the following morning.

~#~

The majority of the term continued in a similar pattern, with Sirius avoiding every student he possibly could and they, in return, avoiding him. He continued to eat his meals alone and attend various labour-intensive detentions. The only difference to his usual routine occurred when homework was dropped altogether and instead replaced by studying for the upcoming O. .

Sirius had not thought the end of the year was so close until he received his exam timetable towards the end of June. He had just three weeks of school left before he had to leave and join his detestable family. Even with his current situation, Sirius would much rather be at school than at Grimmauld Place.

~#~

Sirius had never felt so prepared for any exams in his life. Thanks to his evening detentions with both teachers and the headmaster, he had studied far more than he usually would have done. Though he was naturally gifted at the practical side of many of his subjects, he tended to struggle with the theory as he just didn't have the patience to sit down and learn it.

Hence, going into his first exam, Potions theory, he felt quietly confident. While many other students were frantically writing down answers and crossing out words or toying with their quills until they began to fray, Sirius sat in his chair calmly going from question to question. He even found that he had finished with ten minutes to spare.

During the Defence Against the Dark Arts exam, the following Thursday, Sirius barely held back a laugh before it escaped from him. 'List the features of a werewolf that distinguish them from animals' for six marks. While the easiness of the question had made him laugh, the topic brought depression as he remembered why the question was so easy.

The following question did nothing to ease this feeling either, 'explain the best ways to deal with werewolves' for ten marks. Again, an easy question but the subject matter was uncomfortable.

Shifting in his seat, Sirius quickly scratched down a quick but detailed answer before hastily moving onto the next question on counter-jinxes.

Once the exam had finished, Sirius was one of the first to leave the room, despite being sat near the front. He desperately needed to get away and breathe.

Exiting the Entrance Hall through the Great Oak doors, Sirius initially headed towards the Black Lake but upon realising that many other students were also making their way there to relax in the sun after their exams he instead walked parallel to it. When he reached the outskirts of the Forbidden Forest he began walking along its border before passing out of sight of the school and its students.

Stood behind the groundskeeper's hut, he wondered if his emotions would be easier to deal with if her were in another form. He had not transformed into Padfoot since before the Willow Incident as it brought back too many bad memories and bitter feelings. However, he knew that the dog's mind was far simpler than his own and perhaps he would be able to run off a little of his restless energy that had been building up recently.

It took a little more focusing on the corner of his mind that belonged to Padfoot than usual before he could concentrate enough to transform. When he was on all fours, Sirius took off at full speed into the depths of the forest.

The feeling was blissful. He had forgotten how simple life was as a dog and how natural it felt for him. He always loved running on all fours ever since he had first managed the transformation, it was so much freer.

Yet, in the back of his mind a warning voice called for him to remember that he still had another exam in an hour and a half. It wouldn't do for him to miss an exam because he was running wild in the Forbidden Forest.

After around an hour of chasing rabbits and foxes (unfortunately he could find no more dangerous animals than these) he returned once more to the outskirts of the forest. Noticing that many of the fifth year students were returning back to the school he decided to change back into his human form.

Striding out of the forest he found that he felt considerably better than he had for a while. He hadn't realised how restless he had gotten without his usual mischief, night-wanderings and frequent escapades with the Marauders. Sirius was naturally an energetic child and often struggled to sit still or concentrate for long periods of time. It had helped a great deal to run with such freedom and carelessness out of bounds for a while.

~#~

The rest of the exams passed relatively easily with the only problems occurring in his History of Magic exam. Sirius had never done well in this subject though and it certainly didn't help that their teacher was so boring that he repeatedly managed to send half the class to sleep within the first ten minutes of every lesson.

Professor Dumbledore had not received a single complaint from any of Sirius' teachers; probably an all-time record for him as he usually couldn't go a week without getting in some form of trouble. After his final detention with the headmaster Sirius handed in the extended essay on werewolves he had been asked to complete.

It had been painful for him to research as he discovered what other people thought of werewolves as none of the books were written from a pro-magical creatures point of view. It also helped him to understand the extent of his betrayal as the risks of Remus being caught were huge and appeared largely to be very painful.

Despite his new understanding of Remus' situation, none of the Marauders had made any further contact with Sirius since his visit to the hospital wing around a month ago. It broke his heart that some of the only people he felt he could trust no longer wanted to know him. Yet, he accepted his isolation from them as he knew he had done wrong and didn't deserve their friendship and compassion. He felt lifeless and empty almost all the time without them, knowing there were increasingly few people on the planet who cared if he existed or not.

~#~

As the end of term arrived, Sirius didn't go back to his dormitory to retrieve his trunk and other belongings. Even if he had wanted to get them back he didn't know if the other boys would be willing to let him in.

So it was with a heavy heart and the few belongings the Room of Requirement had given him that he walked alone to the Hogwarts Express. There he found an empty compartment near the front of the train and remained in isolation as the train bore him towards an even darker and grimmer six weeks.

_I'm not entirely happy with this chapter as it's mostly just a filler chapter and nothing really happens. I tried to put some interesting bits in but I don't think it really worked. Sorry._

_I'm sorry for the delay, I have no excuses. Though I do have a new found respect for the incredible writers who post epic new chapters weekly. I do not know how they do it._


	4. All Quiet?

**Chapter 4 – All Quiet?**

_So it was with a heavy heart and the few belongings the Room of Requirement had given him that he walked alone to the Hogwarts Express. There he found an empty compartment near the front of the train and remained in isolation as the train bore him towards an even darker and grimmer six weeks._

~#~

When the train pulled in to Platform 9¾ later that evening, Sirius miserably noted the happy faces of the parents waiting to welcome their children home for the summer. Thankfully he knew his parents would not be among the awaiting throng as they preferred to send their house elf to collect their children rather than be seen in the company of those they deemed beneath them.

Sirius waited for the train to mostly empty before disembarking so he wouldn't have to clatter through the other students. When he finally stepped onto the platform he was once again assaulted by the sound of happy voices. Walking carefully through the crowds, Sirius accidentally caught the eye of Mrs Potter who smiled warmly at him and beckoned him to join them. Returning a wonky half smile that didn't reach his eyes, Sirius continued walking towards the back of the station. He tried hard not to see the hurt expression that crossed Mrs Potter's face when he didn't even turn towards her.

When at last he reached the back of the platform he first saw the figure of his younger brother. Standing tall and proud, the perfect pureblood son as Sirius was constantly reminded; Regulus was glaring in his direction. The second thing he noticed was a small slimy creature that stood beside his brother. As Sirius drew level with the pair he had barely the chance to exchange a scowl with Regulus before the elf seized his hand and apparated him to Grimmauld Place.

As the gloomy kitchen swam into view, Regulus turned to his older brother and said, 'no bags, brother? Or did you leave them with your friends?' His voice was snide and he wore a gloating and superior look Sirius knew his mother would be proud of.

Instead of replying as he usually would have, Sirius slunk out of the room and up the stairs, not stopping until he had shut the door behind him when he reached his bedroom on the fourth floor.

His room had always been his refuge. When he was little and his parents shouted at him and he didn't understand why, his room provided him protection. When relatives visited and the poncy pureblood acting got too much for him he ran away there to stay sane. After he'd started Hogwarts he transformed it so that it looked like everything he stood for so he didn't feel like a complete outsider in his own house.

He remembered spending a long afternoon in the dark library downstairs researching strong permanent sticking charms so that his posters, pictures and symbols of rebellion would be safe from his mother when he left for school once the summer had ended.

When once they helped keep him sane, his decorations now reminded him of everything he had betrayed in telling Snape how to get past the Willow. Yet he knew he would have to stomach his surroundings for the next six weeks as the rest of the house would prove to be far worse and he would not be allowed out of Grimmauld Place unaccompanied.

Deciding to run himself a bath before dinner, Sirius walked to the bathroom he shared with his brother, thankful that his musing had allowed Regulus to bathe and dress before him.

That night had traditionally not been good for Sirius since he started Hogwarts. His parents took the opportunity at dinner to talk to Regulus about his school life and his achievements over the year while criticising Sirius.

After dinner was always worse though. This was when Walburga and Orion Black made it clear how much they disagreed with their eldest son's choices and emphasised their disgust at all the trouble he had gotten into throughout the year.

He sank into the bath until his nose was just above the surface of the water. He was not looking forward to later that night. Especially as his parents were partially aware of recent events (though they at least did not know of Remus' condition). And he certainly hadn't been on his best behaviour before the Willow incident. The pressure of propositions from Voldemort and his impending examinations and worn on Sirius and as such he had really been acting out. Yes, his parents had a lot of fuel for later that night.

~#~

Dinner was almost bearable. While overly stuffy and formal, there were not too many insults aimed Sirius' way. Yes there were digs at his choice in friends and the company he kept and Regulus kept hinting at the recent separation from his friends and the rest of Gryffindor. But in his current state of emptiness, Sirius struggled to care. He kept his eyes on his dinner and only made eye contact when necessary. There were no sarcastic comments or indignant remarks and this change was clearly noted by Sirius' father and partly by his mother. Hope stirred within them that the Black heir had finally decided to conform to the family's demands.

This new hope did not save him after dinner as he was called in to his father's study as Regulus left to read in the front lounge.

The door had barely closed behind him when he found himself face to face with a very angry Walburga Black with her wand raised. While he had been expecting abuse fairly immediately, Sirius was taken aback by the sheer proximity of his mother and her haste (normally she'd start with verbal abuse).

'What on earth did you think you were doing demeaning the name of Black this year, boy?' His father snarled from behind him, near the door.

'Er, what?' Sirius replied, blindly spinning to face his father and putting his back to his mother's wand.

Within seconds of the words leaving his mouth, Sirius was forcibly thrown into the door face first. He felt his nose break and blood begin to pour into his mouth as he collided with the solid wooden door. Staggering backwards, Sirius found himself stood in the rear corner of the study instead of between his parents. This, he felt, was a far safer position as he couldn't be attacked from behind again.

'We have put so much effort into fixing the damage done by those disgusting half-bloods and blood traitors and you have never been thankful for our efforts. In fact, it seems you go out of your way to actively go against what we have been teaching you for the last sixteen years!' Walburga's voice was at a dangerous shrieking level.

Sirius had no idea what the woman was talking about. Unfortunately, Walburga noticed the brief confused look in her son's eyes.

'What is worse, you do not even seem to understand what you have done wrong.' She began to advance on Sirius menacingly, leaving her husband stood by the door blocking the exit. 'Let me enlighten you as it seems your vacuous mind is incapable of comprehending the external world.'

Instinctively, Sirius flinched backwards. He now knew what his mother was implying. However, where once he would have laughed or scorned her implication that the pain he felt at his parents' hands were to 'fix' him, now he just stared at Walburga's outstretched wand and waited for the pain that was sure to follow. The rebellion used to help keep him sane, now he started to feel as though he deserved the inevitable pain that was sure to come.

'You duel with those you should be seeking an alliance with, you cavort with those you should deem enemies and yet you do not understand what you have done wrong?' Her speech was intermittently broken up with strong stinging hexes and cutting curses aimed at the boy in front of her.

And yet, Sirius did not retaliate as he usually would have. He didn't raise his voice; he didn't scream and shout about the injustice of it all. And he didn't fight back.

This sudden change in their eldest son had largely gone unnoticed in Walburga who had never loved Sirius as much as her youngest son who, to her, had always seemed more obedient and doting. However, this more subdued version of Sirius had not gone unnoticed by the other Black in attendance.

Orion was thinking fast. You did not maintain the position he did within the ministry without uncommon levels of intelligence and common sense and he intended to put those virtues to use.

Quickly piecing together his heir's more reserved temperament, lack of communication and sudden respect for his elders, Orion came to the conclusion that something major must have recently happened. However, he also knew his eldest far better than he ever let on. He knew that regardless of the event, the change would not last long. Sirius had been rebellious, inquisitive and loud long before he started at Hogwarts, it had only intensified afterwards. Thus, Orion knew he had to act fast to manipulate Sirius enough so that he would become a strong asset both to the family and to the Dark Lord's cause.

When the combination of shrieking, hexing and cursing had died down to a less damaging level, Sirius looked as though he could barely stand. This had, by far, been the worst punishment his mother had ever given him, it had also taken longer.

Blearily looking up at his parents, Sirius was once again glad that his father had not gotten involved. While his mother was vicious and vindictive enough to do some serious damage, Orion Black was far more powerful.

As Sirius painfully pulled himself upright, Orion moved away from where he stood in front of the door and silently ushered his wife out of the room.

Taking this as a dismissal for him too, Sirius began to shuffle out after her, instead Orion called, 'stay Sirius'.

The boy stiffened his shoulders slightly as though in preparation for another round of attacks. He turned to face his father, his face a blank mask showing none of the pain that was nearly crippling him.

'Sit down.' The elder Black commanded, almost softly.

Even Sirius, who was well practiced with keeping his face blank of emotion, could not hide the shock that these words provoked. It had been a long time since Sirius and his father had had a normal, civilised conversation that wasn't for appearance's sake. He practically fell into the chair that was pulled out for him.

Orion wanted to laugh at the expression and body language emitting from his heir as he carefully sank into the chair opposite his son on the other side of the ornate writing desk. Sirius was cautious and looked as though he were a mouse in the lion's den with the way his eyes had widened ever so slightly and the way his posture was stiff.

'Life is not as easy as you once thought it was, is it Sirius?'

Sirius didn't move even a single muscle.

'You think I cannot tell when my own son and heir has gone through hardship? Of course I know Sirius, and I understand. I am, after all, your family.'

Sirius' mind was spinning at a pace even he was unused to. The combination of the pain and his father's words made it almost too difficult to even process the information.

'You must remember Sirius that family will always be there to assist you as long as you are willing to accept it. You are, after all, my heir and I will do everything within my power to help you through what has always been a difficult stage in any person's life.'

Sirius was wary. While his father had always been far calmer than his mother, Sirius had little trust for a man who had spent the last twenty years manipulating the British government so that he effectively controlled a sizable proportion of it.

Orion continued, sensing Sirius' wariness and confusion. 'Your mother has recently been in favour of bypassing you as heir and instead instating Regulus in your position. But Regulus is too weak; he is intelligent and powerful, yes but not exceptionally so. You have a natural gift for magic and leadership Sirius, while Regulus works hard to maintain his abilities, you have never had to do so.'

Despite everything he knew about the man sat in front of him, Sirius couldn't help but feel warmed by his father's words. It was nice for a change, to be compared positively against his younger brother, but there was more to it than that. Throughout his life, Sirius, as any other boy, instinctively sought acceptance and guidance from his father. As such, in his youth Sirius would try to impress his father though he always thought that he had failed.

In reality, Orion had always maintained a special interest in Sirius. He was, after all, the heir and no law or disownment could completely change that. But Orion had always struggled to show his interest in his firstborn, but he always paid attention to his every act and motion.

'I feel now is an appropriate time to begin to teach you more of the world. You are almost come of age and at that point you will be fully established at my right hand. You have ample qualities that suit you for that role, Sirius and I wish for you to begin that preparation this summer.'

Sirius worked hard to extinguish the small amount of hope that had kindled in him with his father's words. He knew his father was just trying to manipulate him into fitting the Black family mould and working for him, but he couldn't deny the craving for closeness these words seemed to promise. Hence, Sirius found himself nodding stiffly in acceptance.

'Good. Come to work with me tomorrow Sirius. I will be leaving at thirty minutes past eight. You should wear formal robes.' Orion smiled warmly at his son. 'Perhaps you would like to clean yourself up a little and rest before tomorrow?'

Orion did not actively acknowledge the punishment his son had received only twenty minutes previously. Sirius had almost been too shocked to pay much attention to the cuts that were still oozing and his nose that was on fire and his limbs that were aching as though they were made of lead.

Giving his father a cautious half smile at the soft dismissal, Sirius carefully eased himself off the leather chair and turned to leave the room.

'And Sirius, there should be no more need for further encounters like earlier this evening for the remainder of the summer. Goodnight.'

The words startled Sirius slightly but he carried on walking out of the study and up to his bedroom. He had not had a largely quiet summer since he had started at Hogwarts. It crossed Sirius' mind that his father was simply providing him with a new sense of security in order to encourage him to work harder for his family. This thought was quickly dismissed when Sirius remembered the acceptance he had heard his father declare for him.

Once he had healed his broken nose and the majority of the cuts across his torso, Sirius sunk into bed and, for the first time in a very long time, he fell asleep with a smile on his face.

~#~

The following morning found Sirius up bright and early – something unheard of since he'd turned twelve – and preparing for the day ahead.

He should've known the day would not be as simple as he thought it would be. His life rarely was.

At breakfast, sat opposite his younger brother with parents absent, Regulus remarked 'what the hell do you think you're up to?'

'What?' Sirius frowned back at him.

'Trying to get close to the family after you've shunned us all so much. Why are you even bothering?'

Finishing his last bite of toast, Sirius just shrugged instead of using the many retorts that would usually be running through his mind.

Just at the right time, Orion Black called 'Sirius, time to be leaving' from near the front, providing Sirius with the perfect excuse to leave his brother at the breakfast table wearing a confused look of betrayal. Sirius had no idea what was wrong with Regulus unless he was jealous that he was no longer getting all the attention from their parents now.

~#~

The day went smoothly enough, even if the ministry workers were perplexed at Sirius' presence. While they understood that powerful pureblood families allowed their heirs to follow in their footsteps by integrating them into their workplaces while they were still in school, none of them had seen Sirius before except at formal functions.

The bitter sharp emptiness Sirius had been feeling since he'd been abandoned by his friends began to ebb a little that day too. The acceptance from his father had gone a long way in convincing the boy that he was not totally isolated. Yet still the warning ran clear in his head that he had to be wary of his father's actions but doing so was difficult when he finally got what he had always craved.

Returning home later that evening brought Sirius sharply back to reality. While his mother remained civil, on the top landing Regulus was anything but.

'So what's this then? You lose all your friends so you try and worm your way back into the family?'

Sirius shot him a puzzled look before trying to pass him and walk to his bedroom. He was blocked.

'Well it doesn't work like that, _brother._ Just because you're the heir doesn't mean you can do what you like. I've spent my entire life being the 'good' son, being who you couldn't be arsed to be, making allies and learning what had to be learnt and you just waltz back in and you're instantly back in Father's good books. It does not work like that!'

Regulus looked as though he was working himself into a rage. He rarely ever got angry, Regulus always had the calm and control their father always preached to them both when they were younger.

'What's wrong with you?' Sirius asked quietly, possibly the longest sentence he had said in weeks.

'Me? There's nothing wrong with me, it's you! You and your pathetic existence and the way you've been recently. You're ruining everything I had!'

Sirius, unable to comprehend just what his brother was trying to get at, shook his head and finally shoved past him and entered his bedroom.

Still puzzling over Regulus' reaction, Sirius initially missed the large black owl sat on his desk under the window sill. He was, yet again, too busy stuck inside his own thoughts to notice such things.

This time however, the main focus was not his friends, though they certainly featured. Instead, Sirius began to query and analyse his brother's words.

For most of their early childhood, Regulus was often ignored in favour of Sirius, the heir. Sirius also had the personality which demanded attention whereas Regulus was far more reserved and introverted. However, after Sirius spent a weekend with their Uncle Alphard (Regulus didn't go as he had a bad case of mumblemumps), their parents had to start keeping Sirius out of the public eye. His weekend with his uncle had begun to open his eyes to the similarities between wizards and muggles, and Sirius wasn't the one to keep his thoughts quiet. From that point on, Sirius got less and less attention while Regulus got more and more as he fit the pureblood mould far better and was more willing to conform to their parents' ideals.

Sirius couldn't understand why Regulus was so put out that Sirius was finally getting some positive attention from one of their relatives. After all, Regulus always got the attention these days, Sirius only got noticed when he did something wrong.

This most recent rejection from his brother brought back all the feelings of rejection and isolation that Sirius previously thought had been set aside after his father's acceptance of him. Sirius was not the most expressive of people when it came to his feelings but he had always tried to let Regulus know that he cared about him, though he tried to do this more through actions than words.

Suddenly, an impatient squawk cut through his internal monologue causing Sirius to spin quickly to face his window.

Finally noticing the large, jet black eagle owl, Sirius' eyes widened. The scroll clasped in its claws looked as though it bore the mark of Lord Voldemort and Sirius instantly recalled that his deadline for his decision to join the Death Eaters was the previous evening.

Cautiously walking over to the owl, Sirius reached out a hand to take the scroll from its claws. While he managed to liberate the parchment he also obtained a deep gash in the back of his right hand for his efforts. When Sirius had backed away several steps, the owl turned its back to him and flew out of the open window.

The letter was, as he had previously guessed, from Lord Voldemort. It read:

_Master Sirius Orion Black the Third  
I do not appreciate insubordination and the lack of your reply to my gracious offer has reached the end of my patience. I have been made aware of recent events and as such I will be willing to give you one final offer.  
My offer is this: you will join my ranks as an ordinary servant with no preferential treatment. You will serve me as any other Death Eater. In exchange I will ensure the safety of your friends and family and none will be approached for the noble honour of joining my ranks.  
I expect your answer by the twentieth of September, allowing a week before you come of age and your initiation.  
Awaiting your response  
Lord Voldemort._

The words sent a chill down Sirius' spine. The words of the Dark Lord had never seemed so real before, now when he felt he had almost nothing he felt the true weight of the offer. When he was still close to his friends he felt that rejecting Voldemort was the best thing to do, he would lose his friends otherwise and would hence gain little other than the protection of his younger brother by joining with the Dark Lord. Now, his friends would hate him more if he did so but he had already done everything to make them despise him, at least this way they'd be safe. With James a bloodtraitor, Remus a werewolf and Peter a sometimes clumsy and weak willed wizard they really needed some protection from the Death Eaters.

But still, joining the other side, doing everything his parents want him to do, went so far against his morals that Sirius couldn't comprehend changing sides.

Throwing the letter onto his desk, Sirius did the only thing he could think of. He began a letter to the only person who – at this point in time – would listen and understand his predicament: his Uncle Alphard.

Before he really understood what he was doing, Sirius had written two sides of parchment and was searching for another sheet. With the original motivation to just explain the difficulty in making the decision to join Voldemort he had instead gone into detail about everything that had happened in the last month or so.

Sirius hadn't talked to anyone about everything that had happened over that time, he hadn't felt secure enough in himself to tell anyone how vulnerable he felt. Yet Alphard was one of those people who didn't need to be told, he could often easily understand what Sirius was thinking and feeling even when just reading his words on a piece of parchment.

Thirty minutes later Sirius folded the parchment and addressed it after sealing it. He gave a short whistle and seconds later his owl, Nyx, flew down from a gap in the eaves of Grimmauld Place and through his open window.

Carefully attaching the bulky letter to his owl's leg, Sirius stroked the feathers on the back of her head as she gave him an indignant look at the size and weight of the package. After Nyx had disappeared completely from view, Sirius sank back on his bed and continued to mull over the day's events until dinner.

~#~

It was a full week days later when Sirius finally got a reply from his uncle. He had spent the time largely in the company of his father and had joined him at the Ministry each day so far. The work was not something Sirius could imagine himself doing, he was not naturally inclined to try and manipulate others and the whole ordeal seemed far too dull for a potential career. This said, he didn't really think he would be allowed to choose a career for himself. Regardless of the activity, Sirius enjoyed the company of his father above all else.

While during the day Sirius mostly just helped out where he could and observed Orion's interactions with various members of the Ministry, the evening quickly became what he truly valued. After dinner, both father and son would retire to the luxurious study opposite the dining room. Here, Orion would pour them both a large brandy and pass Sirius a cigar (while he usually only smoked cigarettes, Sirius had been without nicotine now for eight days and was more than willing to smoke anything).

At these times Orion would begin to teach Sirius the ways of the British government, the loopholes in the law that were essential for him to know – and some that were less essential but certainly useful. He would also talk a little of his childhood and his school years which helped Sirius connect with his father on an entirely new level as he quickly found personality connections between them.

All the while, Regulus became far more distant and spent more and more time either in his room or out of the house altogether. Sirius barely noticed. What he did notice though, was his mother's new behaviour. While she was not completely civil, she at least limited herself to snide insults and only mild abuse. There had been no further punishments since the first night of the summer holidays.

After seven days of waiting, Sirius finally saw the return of his owl when he returned from the Ministry. He quickly shod his cloak and hurried over to Nyx, giving her a treat as he picked up the letter she had dropped onto his desk.

_Sirius  
Calm down.  
You can't fix everything at once and some things can't be fixed at all. This issue with your friends however, can be fixed. From what you have told me it is easy to understand why you did what you did and you certainly didn't mean to do it. Have you tried explaining what happened to your friends? They know you, they will understand why you told this Snape boy how to get past the tree if you explain it properly as you did with me.  
As for joining You-Know-Who, why are you even considering the offer!? I understand that you are young but you should know deception when you see it, especially you. The only thing you will gain by joining Him is notoriety, your friends will desert you for your decision and they will not be protected when they oppose Him.  
I will try to visit at some point over the summer but I am incredibly busy abroad at the minute, I shall be home in around two weeks though. Be careful of your father, I'm sure he's got an ulterior motive somewhere though I'm not yet sure where, just don't be too taken in by his interest in you.  
Stay in touch,  
Alphard. _

While the words on the parchment did not really provide any source of comfort, it was reassuring to hear from a rational voice he wasn't constantly wary of.

The letter was equally useful, worrying and hope-inspiring. It was useful as Alphard had confirmed Sirius' thoughts regarding Voldemort and his propositions and had finalised his decision to reject the offer. Not that he would reject it immediately, he would wait until he returned to school for that one. He could only imagine his parents' reaction when they found out as they were, after all, staunch supporters of the Dark Lord.

The worrying aspect arose from his uncle's warnings. Sirius didn't want to believe it, certainly not after the increasing closeness between himself and his father. But it also confirmed the half-thoughts he had been having throughout the past week and was backed up by his own knowledge of his family.

He didn't want to believe it, yet since he had started Hogwarts Sirius' self-preservation instincts had become stronger. He would have to be more careful around his parents, but he also knew he couldn't change how he acted around them too obviously otherwise they would know something had happened to change his manner.

Hope came from the idea that the relationship between himself and his friends could be salvaged. It was all he could ask for and he would try and do all that was possible to get them to at least acknowledge him again. Though, he had no idea how he would tell any of them what he had done. He knew that they never got the full story but the only reason he could tell Alphard was because the man had an incredible ability to read between the lines. But for his friends he would have to try.

~#~

The following three weeks passed slowly and far less enjoyably than most of the first. He continued to accompany his father into the ministry on weekdays and he avoided the company of his mother and brother most of the rest of the time. Sirius had even begun to look forward to the time at the Ministry as it offered relative peace compared to events at the Black household.

For starters, Sirius began to question his father's intentions more and thus was more reluctant and reserved than he had been becoming. He also felt that his father had noticed the change despite his best efforts to remain the same as he was before the letter from his uncle.

Secondly, Regulus was steadily becoming more confrontational with Sirius. He was more hostile and overly ready to start an argument or a duel. However, Regulus stopped being quite so obvious about his feelings after Orion caught him one day and pulled him up on it. Sirius saw Regulus stumble painfully back to his room later that night from their father's study and from that point on all confrontations were confined to when both parents were well out of earshot. While undeterred, Regulus behaviour towards his older brother only escalated after his punishment, though now Sirius made an effort to stay out of his way to avoid any repercussions for either of them.

The mood of the week was most certainly not improved by the arrival of the cousins either. They, excluding Andromeda but complete with parents and respective partners, arrived shortly before noon one day with the expectation of staying until after nightfall. Of course their arrival was planned as unannounced visits were unbecoming of high-born families but their visit was entirely unwelcome by the eldest Black boy.

Both meals and the duration between was filled with stuffy, formal conversation regarding the purity movement (Voldemort), appropriate marriages, those of lower birth and blood and Ministry affairs. This last issue as well as the first were things that Sirius was now expected to comment on and fully participate in conversation. All in all, Sirius was at the centre of attention, constantly pushed into the limelight by his father as the reformed heir and he hated every minute of it.

Throughout all the niceties, Sirius twice caught his younger brother's eye. Regulus was stood off to one side, conversing only with Lucius Malfoy who had accompanied Narcissa. By all respects, the younger Black boy appeared to spend a great deal of time glaring in the direction of his older brother whom he felt had stolen his position and popularity within the family.

The day did come with its blessings however. Due to the arrival of the extended family and the lateness of their departure, Sirius was not obliged to don his mask and converse with his father into the late evening in the ground floor study. Unfortunately, this small blessing did not outweigh the entire day spent pretending to be the good son who rightly upheld the family values. It did not outweigh the burning embers of anger he felt when he caught Bellatrix staring at him thoughtfully and eagerly every time Voldemort was mentioned. And it certainly did not outweigh the pain he felt when he felt the burning eyes of jealousy and betrayal belonging to his brother.

At the very least, the day had only really served to kindle a small semblance of emotion within Sirius that was not just despondence and dejection. Sirius was gradually beginning to feel like himself again, nearly a full six weeks after the Willow Incident.

This new feeling did not aid Sirius in his attempts to explain himself though. He had tried to follow Alphard's advice by writing a letter to one of his friends explaining what on earth he had been thinking that night. He had decided that the first person he had to explain himself to was Remus as he was, after all, his secret that Sirius had betrayed.

The only problem was that he couldn't quite manage to form suitable sentences that conveyed both what he had been doing and how sorry he felt for doing it. In the month so far of the summer holidays, Sirius had begun countless letters to his friend. In fact, the floor of his room was almost carpeted with crumpled bits of parchment. He had only managed to write two full drafts of letters and upon re-reading them, had instantly discarded them and incinerated them.

All in all, while the summer so far had not really been as bad as those preceding it, it had still been unpleasant and Sirius continued to look forward to the day he never had to return to Grimmauld Place. This said Sirius felt almost proud of himself at how well he had managed to stay out of trouble and had not received any more punishments from either of his parents. Little did he know, this semi-peace would not last too much longer.

_Not too much dialogue in this chapter but the next should be faster paced._

_Speaking of the next chapter, I hope to get it posted before I go to holiday (at the end of August) but as hopefully I'll be starting uni almost immediately after, it might take a while to post if it's not by then._

_I'd also like the thank those of you who have reviewed, especially those who do not have accounts so I couldn't send you a personal reply. You make all this worthwhile and you don't cease to make my day._


	5. Into the Fire

**Chapter 5 – Into the Fire**

_All in all, while the summer so far had not really been as bad as those preceding it, it had still been unpleasant and Sirius continued to look forward to the day he never had to return to Grimmauld Place. This said Sirius felt almost proud of himself at how well he had managed to stay out of trouble and had not received any more punishments from either of his parents. Little did he know, this semi-peace would not last too much longer._

~#~

It was midway through the fifth week of the summer holidays when trouble started to brew. Sirius was at the Ministry of Magic, shadowing his father again. They were heading towards the apparition point on the ground floor in order to leave for home when they were joined by a representative from the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures.

Orion and Minister Reynolds (head of the Werewolf Registration Committee) started talking about attempts to pass new laws when the Minister turned to Sirius.

'What's your opinion on the matter? Do you feel werewolves should have their human rights completely revoked or only partially?'

'Neither.' Answered Sirius without thought. Over the past week or so, Sirius had found himself on the verge of returning to his own pattern of speech and had stopped thinking so much before speaking. He still retained the slightly upper class note to his voice however.

The Ministry wizard, pretending to be polite but being entirely unable to hide the look of shock and disgust that crossed his face, turned fully to face the younger Black and asked, 'How so?'

Ignoring the tightening hand on his shoulder, Sirius plundered on. 'Because they're still human beings on twenty-nine days of thirty and hence deserve human rights.'

Orion's hand was now clenched so tightly that his knuckles were going white. Nothing changed in his expression however.

'And what about the nights when they are not human?' Orion asked in an outwardly normal tone of voice, Sirius however heard the steely undertones and he certainly felt the warning.

He refused to back down. 'They can be contained on those nights. Most would not object if they were treated as normal witches and wizards for the rest of the month.'

Thankfully, the three wizards reached the apparition point in the Ministry Atrium and saved the conversation from turning hastily into an argument.

Orion did not release his vice-like grip on his son's shoulder as he half-turned on the spot and dragged them both off to the front door of Grimmauld Place.

~#~

Lightning split open the sky as the pair appeared on the doorstep. Rain poured down onto their heads and ran down their necks before they could open the front door and enter the dry corridor within.

As they waited for their eyes to adjust to the gloomy half-light, Walburga's shadow appeared in the doorway to the front living room. She greeted her husband with a loving peck on the cheek and turned to her eldest son with a gentle smile that seemed lost amongst her cold features and asked gently, 'Sirius, could you collect your brother for dinner. He is in his room.'

Orion relinquished his hold on Sirius' shoulder and the sudden rush of blood to his arm made Sirius feel slightly dizzy. Shooting his mother a surreptitious perplexed look at her attempt at warmth, he began the ascent to the fourth floor.

Upon reaching the top floor of the old house, Sirius shoved open his bedroom door and threw his damp cloak onto his bed. He then turned and knocked lightly on the door opposite his own. When he received no answer he knocked slightly louder. The force of the knock pushed the door open slightly and upon seeing the room empty, Sirius pushed the door the rest of the way open.

With the door open he could now hear the sound of running water from the Jack and Jill bathroom he shared with his younger brother. He stepped into the room with the initial intention being to knock on the door and inform Regulus that he was wanted downstairs.

Sirius hadn't been in his brother's bedroom since his first summer after starting Hogwarts. A lot had changed that summer, his father had become even more distant, his mother had started to get abusive and his brother had turned his back on him.

The room had always been neat and orderly but Regulus' choice of wall decoration was certainly new. Hanging over the ornate and expensive four poster bed was an over-sized Slytherin banner that almost mirrored Sirius' own Gryffindor banner in the room opposite. What caught Sirius' eye however was the way the west facing wall was entirely coated in newspaper clippings, letters and photographs.

Completely captivated, Sirius moved forward, further into the room with his head cocked slightly to the side in confusion. Quickly scanning the wall in front of him, Sirius soon became aware that every item centred on Lord Voldemort and his actions since his rise to power a few years earlier.

Feeling his temper start to rise to the surface for the first time in over a month, the teen looked still closer at the clippings stuck to the silver painted wall. He saw that Regulus had outlined certain bits of text on some of the newspaper extracts:

'_Muggle village annihilated… killing curse appears to have been used in all cases.'_

'_12 muggleborns killed in Herefordshire.'_

'_Johnson, member of the Wizengamot and possessor of the Order of Merlin Third Class, was found dead after what appears to be extensive torture and with the word "bloodtraitor" carved into his forehead. He leaves behind a loving wife and three young children.'_

'_Entire Johnson family found dead.'_

'_Death Eater numbers swell.'_

'_Mass hysteria forces public to take refuge in their homes.'_

The sheer volume of information made Sirius' head spin and the content made his stomach roll.

He was so absorbed by the information decorating the wall in front of him that Sirius failed to register the cease of noise from the bathroom behind him and the gentle creak of the bathroom door opening.

'What the hell are you doing in my room?'

Sirius spun around to face his brother, clad only in a bath towel.

'What is this?' Sirius asked, eyebrows raised and gesturing vaguely to the wall behind him.

'Decoration.' Regulus answered bluntly. 'Now get out of my room before I call for Mother.'

'You can't honestly be thinking about joining this pillock?'

'What "pillock" would that be Brother?' Regulus still hadn't moved from his position in front of the open doorway to the bathroom.

'This Voldemort arsehole. He's a murderer Reg. You don't want to be getting mixed up in that kind of stuff.'

Lightning cracked, and briefly illuminated the Slytherin's bedroom.

'Why do you care now? It's not as if you've ever cared before. And so what if I'm thinking about joining him, he's got the right idea, purifying the world of the scum that have taken over, it's liberating.'

'How can you even believe that bullshit?!' Sirius' temper was quickly beginning to rise at Regulus' standoffish tone.

'I believe in the rights of our race, where is the "bullshit" in that, dearest brother?' Regulus' tone was steadily becoming coloured by the smallest hint of the Black family temper.

'We are humans Reg, _muggles_ are humans, _muggleborns_ are humans. We all bleed red. The only difference is in our heritage. I can't believe you fell for our parents' lies and coercion.' Sirius was almost pleading now though it surprised him at the amount of emotion this conversation managed to evoke, he had not been this emotive in a long time now.

'You've just been brainwashed by those bloodtraitors and fools into thinking that there's no difference between us. And then you swagger back in here after you've been abandoned by your so-called friends and you're suddenly close to father again. How thick do you think we all are to buy your pitiful attempts at fitting in?'

Sirius mentally staggered under the weight of the low blow dealt by the boy in front of him. He had no idea how dark and manipulative his innocent younger brother had gotten and how far their parents had wormed their sinister beliefs into his mind.

'You don't even realise what you are doing, do you?' Regulus spat, sensing the change in power and immediately taking advantage. 'You've taken away all that I ever really had. With you being the perfect first-born heir, I was always second best. You had all the attention, all the tutoring, Father favoured you, our relatives favoured you. And I was just shunted off to the side and ignored as I was worthless in their eyes.'

Sirius' brow furrowed as his brother continued.

'Then when you went off to Hogwarts and got sorted into the House of the Bloodtraitors and Mudbloods, Mother and Father began to see you for what you really were. Then I started to get the attention, the care and the love. Mother even started to consider replacing you with me as the heir. And then you come crawling back into Father's good books and I'm pushed by the wayside _again._ You are ruining my life! You don't give a damn about me and you never have done. I wish you were gone. In fact, I wish you were dead and never interfered with me ever again.'

Sirius blinked. The sheer venom and malice in the younger boy's face and voice was overpowering. It took several moments before Sirius could gather himself sufficiently to answer his brother who was still fuming in front of him.

Head bowed, Sirius' voice came out rather huskily. 'Believe that if you will Reg but I always cared. Mother wanted me to collect you for dinner.'

He left the room with his head still bowed and pulled the door closed behind him.

~#~

The landing between the two bedrooms felt oddly dark as the tall boy made a slow walk towards the stairs. As his foot hit the first step, the hall was suddenly lit by a bolt of lightning. As he reached the floor below, he heard the corresponding thunder echo in the distance. The storm was still some way off hitting.

With each step he took, Sirius' head kept spinning at a faster rate than he thought possible. He had almost been in a slumber these past few weeks, too lost in his despair to think properly or even consider what was happening in the world around him. The last few moments had quickly shaken him from his previous dejected state of nothingness.

The anger he inherited from his mother was coursing once more through his veins, making him feel more alive and more like himself than he had done in what felt like years.

The weight of Voldemort's offer had lifted almost entirely from his shoulders. To think he was only really considering the offer for his brother's protection, so that he wouldn't be drawn into that world of hate and murder. He had only ever wanted to protect his brother, to keep him sane and to keep him human when even their parents wished the two of them to be otherwise. Sirius had even considered sacrificing his own well-being and going against his own beliefs that he held onto so dearly so that Regulus would not be drawn into the darkest this world had to offer.

Sirius stopped when his feet hit the first floor landing. The anger was building so much inside him that he felt he might burst if he didn't let it out.

Regulus' belief in Voldemort's propaganda felt like a personal blow. The fact that he was clearly following and adoring the acts of these murderers when Sirius was willing to become one to protect him from that world. It felt like betrayal and it crushed him.

Unable to think what to do with himself, Sirius lashed out; his fist connecting with the only solid object within reach. He felt his knuckles shift in his hand as they left a dent in the perfect pale green wall of the first floor landing.

Leaning forward until his forehead lightly touched the wall in front of him, Sirius exhaled slowly before running his uninjured hand through his hair. He counted backwards from twenty in his head (a calming method he had found in a muggle book a year or so ago) before breathing heavily again and restarting his descent to the dining room and dinner. Not entirely calm but calm enough to manage dinner.

~#~

Due to the sheer size of the house, neither Orion nor Walburga had any idea what had occurred on the topmost floor of the house. Instead they were both impatiently sitting in silence at either end of the dining table when Sirius walked in, hand still throbbing and mind still whirling.

He gave a short nod in greeting before taking his seat in between the two.

'Where is Regulus?' Walburga asked curtly.

'I'm sure he's on his way.' Sirius replied with the same bitter tone in his voice.

'Well he can damn well hurry up about it. KREACHER!' His father called, losing the smallest amount of composure in his impatience. When the detestable house elf appeared at Orion's elbow he said, not turning to it, 'bring the boy to dinner, we are waiting.'

Sirius counted the seconds in his head. After eleven seconds, there was a sharp crack as Kreacher returned with one hand clasped in that of a slightly dishevelled and half-dressed Regulus, now recently calm.

Straightening what clothes he had managed to put on Regulus fought to make himself appear more composed. 'Sorry I am late father.' He said turning to one end of the table before politely nodding at his mother at the other and taking his seat across from Sirius.

After the delayed beginning the family managed to make it through the first course and most of the way through the second before any talk was exchanged.

'Did anything interesting happen at the ministry today, Father?' Regulus asked with a jealous tone to his voice.

At that point a bolt of lightning silently illuminated the room, casting light onto the bitter look on Orion Black's face for all present to see. Sirius flinched but kept his eyes on his dinner.

'Mostly the usual.' Orion replied curtly. 'Until Sirius here decided to share his liberal views regarding werewolves with the Deputy Head of the Department for the Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures. The man who is cited to be the next head of department and then the Minister for Magic.' This final sentence was spat out through gritted teeth.

Thunder cracked.

And Sirius flinched in time with it, finding it impossible to place his attention on the food in front of him. He could hear the venom in his father's voice and he knew exactly where he would be after dinner. The dark study across the hall would soon have silencing charms placed on its walls and Kreacher would be ordered to clean all remains of the event in the morning.

'Really Father?' Regulus asked with false politeness on his face. He now knew how he could get back at his older brother for their earlier argument. A look of malice briefly flickered in his eyes before he turned once more to address his father. 'Personally, I believe Sirius to be over-liberal when it comes to half-breeds. After all, he has befriended some. Perhaps just to get back at you Father?'

Sirius looked up, glaring at his younger brother across the table from him. He couldn't believe what he was hearing. Snivellus was forbidden from telling anyone about Remus and yet here was the youngest Black insinuating his knowledge of his friend's condition. Regulus was wearing a superior and smug look which he had clearly learnt from their mother. Sirius hated that look with a passion. It resembled everything wrong with his family and hence everything he stood against.

'Befriended? What do you mean by this Regulus? If this is anymore hearsay and attempts for attention, I promise you will be punished for it.' Orion spoke quietly but there was no mistaking the ferocity in his voice. Orion was a man who got quieter the angrier he became. And one of the few things that angered him the most was anyone who threatened his superiority and control over others.

'I do not say this for attention Father, merely for the good of the family. We don't want word to get out that a Black has been consorting with Beasts such as werewolves. I have it on good authority that there is even one such beast in Gryffindor and we all know how friendly Sirius is with the whole lot of bloodtraitors and mudbloods.'

Sirius chanced a glance towards the other end of the table. Walburga was sat with her hands clenched so tightly around her cutlery her fingers were turning as white as the bone the cutlery handles were made from. There was fire in her eyes. He would get no support from the woman who was supposed to love him unconditionally.

'Is this true boy?' Orion asked from the head of the table, voice now a mere whisper in his anger.

Before today Sirius would have cowered under his father's wrath and taken his punishment with as little noise as he could muster. Today, especially after his argument with Regulus on the upper floor of the house, he felt far more confident in himself and was prepared to fight his corner just as he used to do.

'So what if it is? They're just like us, they just have a few more problems they have to deal with than we do.'

'And when they are tearing apart the magical world as we know it, then what will you do?' Orion bit back.

Previous experience had taught Sirius enough to know that however right he was and however well he argued, he was not going to win this argument or change the events after dinner had finished.

That didn't stop him from trying though. Throughout the last month at home and the two weeks prior at Hogwarts he had forced himself to remain calm but Sirius had always been energetic and quick to anger. All of this energy and emotion had steadily built up within him until he felt he could almost burst.

'They're not about to start a bloody revolution _Father!_ All they care about during their time of the month is surviving it, the rest of the time they've got normal thoughts and feelings. And turning into a werewolf looks like it must really hurt, they're not about to overthrow the world after going through that are they? The biggest danger to the wizarding world is this so called Lord Voldemort.'

'You do not have the right to say his name!' Walburga bellowed, speaking up for the first time, her face purple with anger.

'The Dark Lord has the right idea, it is just people as blind as yourself that cannot see the benefits. He is going to restore the world to its natural food-chain and put the right people back in control. Only those soft in the head believe what he is doing is wrong.' Orion's words quickly quietened his wife's.

'"Food-chain!" What the fuck do you think we are, animals?' Sirius' voice was quickly beginning to rise.

'If we are animals then they are beasts.' Regulus chimed in helpfully, clearly happy with the way the conversation had turned.

Sirius just scowled in his direction, the increasing volume of the thunder adding to the quickly deteriorating atmosphere in the dining room.

'I cannot believe that my own son harbours such heathen views. I thought we brought you up better than this.' Walburga pushed her half-eaten dinner away from her, glaring at her eldest son with contempt.

'You never brought me up! All you ever did was try and force me into a mould and try and brainwash me into believing your misguided and detestable ideas. And when that didn't work all you'd do is shout and scream and curse me until I couldn't even stand.' Sirius was preparing himself to lock horns with his mother once again and go temper for temper with her when his father interrupted in his quiet voice of steal.

'I had thought, nay hoped, that you had turned a corner this summer. You seemed to be acting more appropriately and conscientiously. I had even begun to hope the direction and future of this family would be secure. But now, you throw my efforts back at me. You are a detestable excuse for a Black and I am disappointed you were born my heir.' Orion's voice did not depict any of the disappointment his words suggested. Instead, his words portrayed a personal hatred and betrayal as though Sirius had personally crucio'd every one of his family members until the pain had driven them out of their minds.

'That's just because his so-called friends decided he wasn't worth it Father. Even they abandoned him before the end of term. He is incapable of even making fools and bloodtraitors follow him.' Regulus' voice was snide and boastful.

Orion gave a dark chuckle at these words.

'What were we then, boy? A reserve for when nobody else believed your façade of rebellion. Your beliefs really must be fickle if they are dependent on your allies.' He chuckled again.

Between his brother and his father, they had hit Sirius right in his insecurities and troubles. Where before these words would have made him melancholy, they now fuelled his rising anger.

'With or without my friends, my beliefs are not going to change Father. Just because your own beliefs need the will and submission of others to be heard doesn't mean mine do too.' Sirius' voice came out in a low growl that was so reminiscent of his animagus form.

'And what do you mean by that?' Orion's voice was now deadly and slow, like a shark edging up to his prey.

Sirius did not heed the warning in this, besides he was now in too deep to turn around and swim for safety. 'I mean that your beliefs are only upheld because others are too blind or too scared to reject these beliefs. If people like you were unable to manipulate them, then there would be no Dark Lord and no killings every other weekend. Then there are the sick bastards like Bellatrix and my _dearest _mother that somehow think hurting people is fun! Then there are the sheep like Reg who've been told that this is the only right opinion. And then you've got the fucked up gits like you that control the fucking carnage created by your puppets!'

He had gotten so angry mid-speech that he had forced his chair back from the table and was half-stood with his hands tightly clenched on the table in front of him. His right hand burned as the pressure made his already damaged knuckles to grind together painfully.

Orion retaliated the only way he knew how. By forcing control. He had his wand out of his pocket and clenched in his hand as he elegantly stood from the table and growled, 'Study, now.'

Regulus grinned from ear to ear at the inevitable punishment that his brother would endure. He however, remained seated as Walburga stood to follow Sirius out of the room.

Sirius walked with his head held high as, he thought, it was better to walk into the lion's den than be forcefully dragged.

Lightning flashed and the corresponding thunder cracked mere seconds later.

~#~

His eyes didn't even have time to adjust to the dingy light of the study before the door snapped shut and he was shoved forward into the centre of the room.

A silent force knocked into his chest and sent him wheezing. He knew instantly that this was not his mother's magic and the thought filled him with dread. Orion far preferred dictating his punishments than doling them out himself, he rarely liked to get his hands dirty. Sirius was in for a rough night.

'How dare you undermine me in such a manner? Siding with lesser beings when you are better than that, you are made of better than that.'

The growl resonated around the room, so low in pitch that Sirius' eardrums trembled. His knees quaked with automatic terror at what was sure to face him as he fought to get air back into his lungs.

Positioned in the middle of the dark study, Sirius forced his spine to straighten. Yes he was scared, in fact he was terrified, but this just made him more defiant. He knew he wouldn't be able to walk after his father was finished with him, he knew he would be lucky if he could even drag himself from the room in the morning. So what did he have to lose for having beliefs?

'But I am no better than they are, and they're no worse than we are.' He wheezed back.

For a second, Sirius thought another bolt of lightning had cracked and somehow managed to make itself known in the windowless room. Then he felt the intense pain scorch across his front and the scream rise in his throat and burn out between his lips.

'You are no better than they are. You are as worthless and detestable as they are. And you deserve the same painful death they will all eventually receive.'

Sirius' eyes widened slightly at his father's words. Had he really just promised to kill his own son? Sirius couldn't believe it. He didn't believe it. Orion had threatened his sons before and Sirius was certain this was just another idle threat to scare him.

'You're just scared of them, what with all the charms and protective spells you've put on the house. You're scared. It's not supremacy you want, it's security.'

Where this confidence and outspokenness came from Sirius did not know. Perhaps it arose from all the bigotry he had had to swallow through the holidays. Perhaps it was the pent up energy and emotion he had kept bottled. Or perhaps he was just fed up of being suppressed and diminished when he should have been loved and nourished.

Out of the corner of his eye, Sirius saw a flash of purple light burst from his mother's wand and his eyes had barely the time to widen in fear before the curse hit him, causing deep cuts to tear open across his torso.

At the same time, Orion cast a curse which caused a slow black smoke to edge forwards, encasing Sirius in darkness for several seconds.

Distracted by the opening wounds and the seeping blood, Sirius initially missed the spell his father sent his way. That was until he felt a sharp crack just above his stomach, and then another below his collar bone. The pain was excruciating as approximately fifteen ribs splintered across his chest. He howled in pain but somehow managed to stay on his feet, though now supporting himself on the desk.

'You dare speak to me like that? I am your father and your superior and you will treat me as such.' The venom pouring from Orion's voice was almost tangible. 'Your contemptible, abhorrent ways disgust me and bring shame on me and everything I have created. You epitomise disgrace.'

Sirius' left hip popped at the same moment he felt his right knee shatter. He crumpled to the floor with another shout of pain.

He forced himself up on his palms and spat blood from his mouth, pleased to see he had splattered it on his father's shoes.

'You must be looking in a mirror Father, because that's exactly what I see when I look at you.'

The next thing he knew was that every single nerve ending on his body felt as though they were on fire. It was the worst pain he had ever felt. He vaguely registered that this must be the Cruciatus Curse and a remote part of his mind managed to feel astonished that his own father had turned an Unforgivable on him. As his vision started to swim and black spots began to appear in front of him, the curse was lifted. He would not be given the benefit of unconsciousness tonight. Not yet anyway.

As the curse lifted, and Sirius slumped to the floor once more in a heap of blood and sweat, he heard his mother's inhumane cackle.

'You are not my son.' Orion spat before turning on his blood-soaked heel and exiting his office, slamming the door behind him.

Sirius breathed once more, feeling that he was allowed to pass out now that he was left alone.

Just as his eyelids began to droop, he was picked up by a gust of wind and thrown full force into the wall behind the desk. Crashing to the floor he heard his mother laugh once more. He had forgotten she was still there with his father's former presence monopolising his attention.

He could not ignore her existence when the wall decorations were crashing into his beaten body.

As he tried to force his arms to support his upper body, Sirius felt his hand scrape something wooden and familiar. Startled, he looked down to find his wand resting just next to his palm, clearly jostled out of his pocket during the recent events.

He couldn't believe he had forgotten magic. His anger and determination to prove his parents wrong had made him blind to the one thing that might have helped him.

_But there's no way you would have bested Orion Black in a duel Sirius, you're not that good. _A quiet, rational part of his mind spoke. But his magic might help him now.

Grasping all eleven inches of red oak, Sirius managed to awkwardly roll onto his back and expose his right arm and fire an unknown spell towards the door where he presumed his mother stood.

It was sheer magic that he sent across the room not a hex or a curse. His brain was barely functioning now with blood loss and it was only instinct that kept him conscious. Unfortunately his near delirium meant he couldn't pinpoint where his mother stood. Hence, it was the wall that took the brunt of the power Sirius emitted. The walls shook and yet more heavy objects fell on his crumpled body.

'EXPELLIARMUS' Walburga bellowed.

Sirius tried desperately to hold onto his wand but his hand was slippery with blood and sweat and it soon flew from his grasp.

The splintering noise that followed made Sirius want to be sick. His lifeline was gone, he had no way of protecting himself and he had clearly angered his mother further in his attempt to stop her hurting him.

As a bolt of power slammed into him, further damaging his broken ribs, a thought occurred to him. _This might be the day I die._

The more he thought it, the more he began to believe it as a long deep gash ripped open his face and he gasped in pain as blood swam into his eyes.

His head sunk to the floor and the last thing he registered was the click of the door as Walburga left the room and her eldest son under a heavy pile of ornaments and rubble.

~#~

Unfortunately, unconsciousness lasted only thirty seconds as pain ripped through the teenager's beaten body once more.

Sirius' first thought was that one of his parents had returned to continue their punishment, but when he heard no voices or screams Sirius' foggy brain realised the pain must have arisen from within, not without.

The weight of the objects fallen from the walls were steadily crushing the boy's legs and ribcage and doing further damage to his shattered ribs.

Instinct and a need to survive took over immediately. Thankfully, both Sirius' arms were relatively intact and he managed to drag himself free of the rubble. Unfortunately this caused various objects to tear into him and pulled his damaged legs into more painful positions.

He couldn't stay here. Not with his parents so close and when they could return at any minute. He'd have to leave but he didn't know if his dislocated hip and shattered knee joint would be able to support him for long. But then, he didn't know how long he'd last bleeding out on the carpet anyway.

Sirius managed to drag himself to the door and from there managed to lever himself into an awkward sitting position. Here he had to stop to breathe, gritting his teeth to prevent the screams from being emitted. He couldn't stop the pained grunts however. It was at this point he saw two lengths of dark wood on the carpet. His stomach lurched as his eyes confirmed what he thought, his mother had snapped his wand in half.

After several minutes of painful breathing and trying to work out which way round his legs were supposed to go, Sirius decided he'd have to try to stand. After all, he would have to be able to walk in order to get out of the house.

If it wasn't for the combination of adrenaline, his innate magic and the anger that even now resided in him, Sirius would have been a crumpled mess. In fact, he still was a crumpled mess but after five minutes he was a standing crumpled mess.

Trying not to think past basic functioning, Sirius didn't wait around for his legs to fail him. He pulled open the door – not worrying about trying to be quiet – and inched along the hallway which was now frequently thrown into light by the raging storm overhead. If it wasn't for the support of the walls and the various hideous and expensive ornaments that decorated them, Sirius didn't think he'd have made it to the door.

Briefly glancing back, Sirius noted with a small amount of macabre glee that he'd left a constant smear of blood along the pale green walls as he'd walked.

Edging open the heavy oak front door, Sirius threw himself out into the downpour.

His delirious mind noted that the storm had finally settled directly overhead with frequent lightning bolts creating enough light to see by, even in the torrential rain.

Sirius' hand slipped off the doorframe as he passed it causing him to stumble and then fall face first towards to concrete pavement.

Once again, instinct and magic saved him as he automatically transformed into Padfoot whose front paws stopped him mid fall. At least in this form, half of Sirius' legs could fully function. The only problem was, he didn't know where to make them take him.

_I'm so sorry for the delay. Apparently moving out of home and starting uni is far more stressful and depressing than anyone ever tells you. I have no idea when the next chapter will be up, that largely depends on how much I can be bothered to do my uni work, so maybe it won't be all that long. Sorry again._


	6. Wands and Wounds

**Chapter 6 – Wands and Wounds**

_Sirius' hand slipped off the doorframe as he passed it, causing him to stumble and then fall face first towards the concrete pavement._

_Once again, instinct and magic saved him as he automatically transformed into Padfoot whose front paws stopped him mid fall. At least in this form, half of Sirius' legs could fully function. The only problem was, he didn't know where to make them take him._

~#~

Stumbling blindly down the road, Sirius tried to force his brain to function. He could hardly think beyond the pain, with every move he could feel his joints grinding together. His back legs were particularly painful. While he knew he had to get somewhere quick, he could not for the life of him think where he could go.

Curling up into a ball next to a collection of bins, Padfoot tried to think through his options. He knew he needed a hospital, but the healers would surely question his injuries and would probably contact his parents due to his age.

Before this summer, he would be most inclined to go to James' as his friend would not hesitate in getting him help and providing sanctuary. And if he couldn't get to James for any reason he would have gone to Remus' as his parents were incredibly accommodating to all of their son's friends. Somehow, Sirius didn't think they'd be so accommodating now.

Sirius thought desperately, he could no longer turn to his friends as he always thought he would be able to should this situation occur. He had betrayed them and in doing so had cut off his only remaining lifeline when he walked out on his family.

But not all of his family. The thought hit Sirius like a bolt of lightning. His uncle Alphard said he would be back in the country by last week. While Alphard was no healer, he cared about Sirius and privately believed the same things the young boy did.

Then a second though hit him as the world around him lit up once more: Alphard hadn't owled him to say that he was back even though he said he would. But he should have been back nearly a week ago and would surely have arrived home by now.

Sirius was desperate and Alphard was the only person he could think of going to. And he didn't live too far away which was always a benefit when one was in the state that Sirius was.

Stumbling back to his feet, Padfoot whined in agony as pain shot through his back legs and his torso almost failed to support his front legs. Staggering back the way he came, Sirius made his clumsy way to Vespan Road, Shepherd's Bush, drawing shallow, shuddery breaths and leaving droplets of blood in his wake.

~#~

The storm passed in the early hours of the morning, allowing a bright sunrise to force its way through the London smog.

It wasn't long after that the usual bustle of London began to start once more for the day with muggles leaving their homes and heading off to work in the City.

While the journey from Grimmauld Place to Vespan road was not a long one, only ten miles, Sirius had not made it all the way.

He was however only two roads away, slumped (as a human) against a set of iron railings and bleeding steadily onto the dark tarmac below. Thankfully muggles only ever saw what they wanted to see and no one wants to see a badly beaten, almost dead teenager when they're on their way to work. Perhaps they saw him as a middle aged drunk, a little worse for wear after a heavy night. But what is certain is that none paid any mind to Sirius, all leaving him at the side of the road until around ten past eight that same morning.

~#~

Moving carefully around his unpacked bags, Alphard Black stretched out his arms before unlocking his front door and stepping out into the bright morning.

He knew he should be resting, cross-continent apparition was incredibly tiring and potentially damaging to one's magic, but he had missed London while he was off on his travels. It had a certain charm to it, he thought. Many could not see past the smog and the cars bundling up and down the busy roads but Alphard loved the way the city sprung to life in the mornings and settled down to a steady hum in the evenings.

A brief walk could only do him good, Alphard reasoned, and so he stepped off his front porch and headed West.

The last thing he expected to find on his morning walk was his nephew, in a state of unconsciousness and collapsed at the side of the road.

Extending his stride slightly so as not to raise alarm, Alphard hurried over to the boy and crouched at his side. While Sirius had looked fairly horrific from a distance, up close the boy looked as though he'd been trampled by a horde of angry centaurs chasing an intruding ministry representative.

'Rennervate,' Alphard muttered, concealing his wand up his sleeve.

Sirius gasped into life, violently coughing up blood before his skin turned even whiter and his eyes rolled backwards and he sunk into unconsciousness once more.

'Shit.' Alphard was scared and he wasn't afraid to admit it. The young man in front of him looked on the point of death, especially if he factored in the haste with which unconsciousness took him so soon after being revived.

He looked around him briefly, glad to note that none of the muggles were paying him any attention, before casting a quick disillusionment charm and levitating his nephew back up the road and to the relative safety of Vespan road.

~#~

Alphard carefully laid Sirius on the bed in his second bedroom before sprinting back downstairs to his library.

While smaller than the one at Grimmauld Place, the library at Vespan Road was far more homely. The only books it contained were ones that were either useful to have in a household or relevant to his travels.

Thus, it was far easier for the owner to locate the small selection of healing books that he owned. Grabbing all of them and bounding back up the stairs, Alphard tripped slightly on one of his many unpacked bags.

Once back in the second bedroom, he spread the gathered books across the other side of the large bed and flicked through the nearest at hand for a standard diagnostic spell.

Alphard could feel the panic rising in him as his eyes flicked down the contents and his mind noticed the sheets turning red in the corners of his vision.

Running back round to the other side of the bed, Alphard drew his wand once more before raking his right hand over his face, with anguish in his eyes.

He'd never been any good at healing magic and he'd never really had cause to practice it. Now though, he would have to try for the crumpled and broken boy laying on his once pristine silk sheets.

'Quid enim mali est vibscum.' He had no idea what the spell was meant to do when it was cast but something was surely likely to happen. When he didn't feel the tingle of magic run through his favoured left hand he reasoned that he must have done something wrong.

He repeated the spell again, this time annunciating as clearly as his tutor had taught him. The sudden rush of information to his brain was crippling. He sunk to his knees as he painstakingly sought through the heap of information the spell had provided him. The louder the phrases were screamed in his mind the more urgent they were, the only problem was that his skull seemed to be full of screaming.

The one that stood out the most however, was 'blood loss.' The diagnostic charm had screamed those two words so loudly that Alphard jumped back to his feet.

Blood pounding in his own head, he ran back down the stairs. At least this he could do fairly soundly. While he was no good at healing charms, Alphard Black had always excelled at potions and a blood replenisher would only take two minutes to make.

He grabbed the largest cauldron he could find and hastily threw the ingredients into it before clambering up the stairs again. Here he had to stop to catch his breath as the full force of his fatigue hit him. He had been on the go for days almost non-stop and had used a great deal of magic in that time.

But he couldn't stop just now. Potions didn't require active magic and thus wouldn't drain him too much more.

Setting down the cauldron next to Sirius' bed, Alphard commenced the ritual of creating the blood replenisher. The process calmed him a little and allowed him to think more clearly of what he had to do.

He really ought to have taken Sirius straight to St. Mungo's but if the boy had come to him instead of returning to his parents then he must have had another argument with them. The healers at St. Mungo's would just firecall his parents and that could make matters worse. That and he didn't know who had done this to his nephew, his gut instinct told him it had to be dark wizards, probably these Death Eaters that had been running about recently.

No, Alphard reasoned. He would not take Sirius to the healers unless he couldn't revive the boy himself or his condition got worse. He gave himself 24 hours to do his best.

~#~

Three hours, four different potions and six spells later, Alphard collapsed back on the old chair he had dragged into the room earlier. He was utterly exhausted but when he repeated the diagnostic charm, there was no more screaming in his skull. Sirius was on the mend.

But there was one more thing Alphard wanted to do before he'd let himself rest.

Leaning forward in the chair, he retrieved his wand from the bedside table and said 'rennervate.'

Sirius' eyelids blinked automatically before a wretched groan forced its way between his lips. Automatically he tried to sit up but a firm hand on his shoulder kept him where he was. His eyes turned wild, searching instinctively for the other man present. When finally his gaze settled on his uncle, Sirius' breathing began to calm and the adrenaline began to fade.

'Why do I hurt?' Sirius groaned as Alphard released his shoulder and slumped back into the chair.

'I was hoping you would tell me. I found you down the road, barely breathing.'

Sirius grimaced at the mental image. His mind steadily began to kick into gear and the events of the past night started to whirl behind his bleary eyes.

Clenching his eyes shut to try and clear the images, they didn't go completely but they at least faded to the background.

'So what happened Sirius? It looked as though you had been attacked.' Alphard's voice was full of concern yet tainted with exhaustion.

Sirius tried to shrug before pain roared through him and he couldn't contain the gasp. Regardless, he tried to smile at his uncle.

'Enough about me. What happened to you, you look like you walked back from wherever it was you were?'

Alphard didn't respond in words. The reprimanding glare sent towards his nephew spoke for him and made the boy flinch again as he realised he wouldn't be able to divert his uncle's attention.

'Errr, do I really have to talk about it?' Sirius replied unsteadily.

'Well, not really. But I would like to know who tried to tear by nephew in two.'

'I don't think you'd like the answer.'

'It wasn't your parents? My sister?' Alphard sounded aghast.

Sirius' eyes took on a pained look as he managed a short nod before his neck cramped up.

'Can you excuse me for a minute?' Alphard didn't wait for a reply as he shoved himself roughly out of his chair and stumbled towards the door. Sirius could hear the uncharacteristic thumping of footsteps and then the shutting of the bathroom door at the end of the hall.

For however hard he tried, Sirius couldn't keep his eyes open much longer. He hurt like he could never imagine, every time he moved pain flared up in another area of his body.

In the seconds before his eyelids closed altogether, Sirius tried hard not to dwell on the cause of his injuries.

Just as he was drifting off into a fitful but natural sleep, Alphard returned to his nephew's bedside, looking considerably greener than when he'd left. He glanced at the tall boy habiting his spare bed, noticing how much calmer his face looked when it wasn't wrought with pain. He cast a quick scourgify on the bed and sheets and conjured a blanket and laid it gently over his body before casting a charm that would alert him the moment Sirius stirred. He stumbled back across the hall and lowered himself onto his bed. He was asleep the second his head hit the pillow.

~#~

Sirius woke slowly, unsure as to what it was that caused him to stir. Blinking blearily at the ceiling above him, it took several seconds to ascertain exactly where he was. He knew he was not in his own bed; the mattress did not feel as though it was oft used and the soft glow peaking in through the window lit the room far more effectively than it did at Grimmauld Place.

Unfortunately the memories returned with a jolt as soon as Sirius tried to raise his head from the pillow. The movement sent a shooting pain through every muscle in his upper body. The pain was so intense that he suddenly felt nauseous and had to force himself to roll sideways so as not to mess the bedding with his bile. All too soon did Sirius remember the events leading up to his current residence.

Looking up from the mess on the floor, Sirius saw his uncle pause in the doorway and survey him with a pitying look. Embarrassment flooded the boy immediately. He had come here out of desperation and now felt as though he was abusing the kindness bestowed upon him by his favourite relative.

Before he could ponder further on his own feelings, he felt two firm hands on either shoulder gently ease him back onto the bed. Wrinkling his nose against the smell, Alphard cast a quick vanishing charm at the pool of vomit on the floor before sitting himself down on the chair next to his nephew.

'How do you feel?' He asked gently.

'Shit.' Sirius replied, screwing his eyes up against the pain.

While usually Alphard would admonish such language from his nephew in an attempt to be a good role model, this time he let it pass. 'You will have to be more specific I am afraid.'

Staring up at the ceiling, Sirius tried to work out just what it was that made him hurt.

'I can't feel anything below my right knee and everything above it feels like it's on fire. My chest hurts like I've got a troll sat on it and I can barely breathe. Oh, and I'm dizzy.' He also felt as though he needed to cough but didn't dare try it for fear of causing himself more pain.

Not liking the sound of Sirius' self-diagnosis, Alphard turned to the bedside table and collected two phials, one a pain reliever and the other a blood replenisher – the dizziness may be because of blood loss but either way, it wouldn't hurt the boy to have the potion.

Trying to feed Sirius the potions was much harder when he was conscious. Even the slightest movement sent excruciating pain arching through every inch of his body. When he had finally managed to swallow them both, they heard a gentle tapping on the bedroom window.

Alphard's head jerked up, he was not expecting post.

Recent events in the wizarding world had forced the older man to become far more cautious. His immediate thoughts were that this was either an owl from his sister and cousin demanding the return of their son, or a letter from the Dark Lord demanding an answer to his proposition. Neither boded well.

Flicking his wand to unlatch the window, Alphard shifted slightly expecting the bird to aim towards him. Instead it landed gently on the empty half of the bed and stuck its leg out expectantly at Sirius.

'It's a Hogwarts letter.' Sirius spoke and Alphard did not realise he was holding his breath until he released it. 'Can you get it for me? I can't reach.'

He nodded and moved around the bed so as not to lean over his nephew and cause him unnecessary pain. 'Do you want to read it or shall I read it to you?'

'Ah, well it's probably much the same as last years. You can read it.'

Sitting back down in the wooden chair, Alphard flipped open the envelope and pulled out the parchment within as the owl took flight once more.

'_Dear Mr Black, we are writing to inform you that the school term will begin- _and so forth with the usual nonsense- _please find enclosed your O.W.L. results and the supply list for all available classes. _Oh I forgot you get your results now. Are you sure you still want me to read it?'

Sirius just waved a hand at him to continue.

'Right so: O's in Transfiguration, Charms, Potions, Defence and Muggle Studies. E's in Care of Magical Creatures and Astronomy. A's in Herbology and History of Magic. Wow, that's really good Sirius, I am jealous, I only got two O's.'

Sirius tried to smile in reply but it just turned into a painful grimace.

'So what are you taking to N.E.W.T. then?' Alphard said with a proud smile plastered over his face.

'Uh, probably the ones I got O's in.'

'We will have to see when we can make it to Diagon Alley and get your books before the first.'

Looking up from the letter, Alphard just caught the pained look that passed through Sirius' eyes. Something told Alphard that this wasn't caused by any physical pain.

'What is it lad?' He asked gently.

'They- She broke my wand before I left.' Sirius replied, not making eye-contact.

'Nothing to worry about, we will get it all sorted.' Nothing seemed to be able to shake Alphard's good mood that arrived with Sirius' exam results.

'Nothing to worry about! Alphard if I've not got a wand then I'm not a wizard, I'm nothing.' The effort it took to expel these words seemed to have drained Sirius of what little energy had returned to him as he grimaced again and appeared to fold back into the mattress with pain.

'Don't you ever say things like that in my presence again Sirius. I thought you knew better than to spurt out our family's hideous notions of the world.' The power with which the man delivered these words forced Sirius out of his self-pitying world of pain long enough to look up at his uncle. 'And regardless of whether or not you have a wand, you are still a wizard.

'Besides, I told you we would get it sorted. When we go to Diagon Alley to get your books, we will stop by Ollivander's. But we will have to wait a while yet. You can hardly breathe, you're not yet up to the ordeal of choosing a new wand. When you're a little better I'll apparate us to the shop and then straight back. I don't want you out in public in your condition for too long. Certainly not in the current climate.' By the time he had finished, both Alphard and Sirius looked and felt much calmer.

"Current climate?" Sirius coughed. He knew what his uncle meant but he wanted to move the conversation on and away from his own feelings of guilt and failure.

'There are dark wizards about Sirius, and I don't trust them. They'd do what our darling relatives did to you all over again. They certainly wouldn't help us.' It seemed Alphard's happy mood had been well and truly extinguished.

'Now, how do you feel about a little breakfast?' He said with a forced smile.

~#~

The next four days passed slowly, with Sirius getting steadily more restless being confined to bed rest. Twice a day Alphard performed the diagnostic charms and asked Sirius how he felt, and steadily, it appeared that he was on the mend.

Alphard did not leave his nephew's bedside, instead bringing his work into the room. It was this, and only this, that kept Sirius sane; he had never been known as one who could sit still.

Just because he wasn't jumping up and down in frustration did not mean that Sirius wasn't bored. He let out a great huff before carefully shifting himself on the bed. He could sit upright now but he was still in a great deal of pain.

'What are you doing now?' Sirius asked for perhaps the fifth time that morning.

'Writing.' Alphard replied, now entirely regretting his choice to keep his nephew company.

Sirius tilted his head to try and read the parchment, it was at this point that something else caught his eye.

'I didn't know you were left-handed. You've never been left-handed before.'

The older man laid down his quill and turned his chair to face the other. 'That, Sirius, is because only the low-born and the malformed are left-handed.'

Sirius huffed a quiet laugh, regretting it the instant he did and pain rocked through his torso. Alphard caught the wince cross his nephew's face and leant forward in his chair, desperate to do something more to help him.

But Alphard was no healer and he'd already done the best he could.

''M alright.' Sirius mumbled, though he was still breathing deeply. He sought quickly for another topic of conversation that would distract his uncle, 'You never did tell me where you disappeared off to for three months?'

Alphard raised his eyebrows, clearly not distracted in the least. 'I was in South America, Western Peru to be exact. The wizards there are fascinating. Far more integrated with the muggle world than we are. And far less judgemental. So now I'm writing to a man I met when I was over there, a couple of additions I thought of for his research.'

This it seemed, was a perfectly adequate topic to engage the pair of them for the rest of the day. Sirius seemed most interested in the Transfiguration research the Peruvian wizard was working on and Alphard more interested in explaining the culture, but they managed to distract each other suitably until it was time for dinner.

'Sometimes I think I really ought to invest in a house elf you know. Somebody to do the cooking for me. But then I remember the ones we had when I was young, nasty little things all of them. None quite as bad as Kreacher but I think my father was a bad influence on them. The mere memory is enough for me to endure my bad cooking.'

So it was over a rather lumpy and congealed bowl of pasta that Alphard suggested checking Sirius' injuries, namely his leg injuries. Thus, once the bowls of barely stomached dinner had been pushed aside, Alphard moved towards the bed that Sirius had not once vacated during his stay, and carefully manoeuvred his nephew towards the edge.

Sirius gently levered himself forward, aware that the other man was standing ready to catch him should he fall. It felt odd moving again, he hadn't moved so much in several days and the pain had caused him to cramp up. As his feet made contact with the floor, pain shot through every ligament he knew existed and some he was just learning about. It was painful yes, but it was not quite unendurable. Still, he could not hide the agony on his face.

'Sit back down Sirius, you are clearly not mended well enough for this yet.'

''M alright. 'S not so bad really.' Sirius grunted out through gritted teeth. Alphard returned his words with a dubious looked that the younger man could not see.

He had managed to shuffle forward several steps before finally letting out a breath. Unfortunately, he'd held it for so long that this caused his barely repaired ribs to shift uncomfortably. With a groan, he shuffled back to the bed and scarcely managed to prevent himself from just falling onto it.

When he was sat comfortably against the headrest again, he turned to his uncle and said: 'next time I complain about wanting to move, remind me of this.'

Alphard laughed, 'And there was me, thinking you were ready to fly for the Tornados.' Sirius chuckled. 'Maybe we'll give it another go before bed, see if the pain reliever potions help. Then maybe we can try Diagon Alley tomorrow?'

Sirius grinned. He'd be getting a new wand. Despite his uncle's words, Sirius did not feel like a wizard without one, and with everything that had happened recently he also felt unprotected.

'Yeah, that'd be good.'

~#~

Hence, the following morning found Sirius perched awkwardly on the end of his over-inhabited bed in a pair of resized borrowed robes. He found it was easier to stand today that it was previously. Most of the cramps had eased and the nagging ache from his relocated hip had mostly gone. There was no hiding the painful limp from his knee however and his ribs still burned with every breath.

Glancing in the mirror to make sure he looked respectable, Sirius saw for the first time just why his uncle winced every time he laid eyes upon him. The gash across his face was still pink and might not be fully faded in time for Hogwarts, he had large bags under his eyes and he looked gaunt. It was hard to hide the pain he had suffered and the emotional trauma he had endured for even longer; still the thoughts of his former friends never ceased to cross his mind. He had not raised the issue with Alphard again: he did not want to be judged for his cowardice in dealing with the issue. His uncle had suggested he explain himself to them, to try and find the words for why he did what he did – but that was the problem, Sirius had never been good with words and now was even worse than usual.

Sirius had not realised he was brooding until Alphard opened the door and said jokingly, 'I knew you were vain but I did not realise you were able to lose yourself in your own image.' He grinned.

The younger man turned, forcing a smile onto his face and trying to expel his darker thoughts.

'Are we ready to go then?' Sirius asked.

'If you are done staring into those deep grey eyes of yours, then yes.' Alphard winked as he moved aside to let a chuckling Sirius into the hallway beyond.

The stairs were a struggle but at least there was only a single floor to manoeuvre rather than the four of Grimmauld Place. Alphard descended first, prepared to catch his nephew should he knee give out or his breathing become too laboured. Eventually they made it to the small back garden of the property and they did so with relative ease and few sharp intakes of breath.

Apparating however, presented an entirely new challenge. It was the best form of travel available to them; flooing would churn even a healthy man's stomach but then there was landing to consider – Sirius' knee would not be able to take the sudden impact which would cause him to fall, potentially damaging his torso even further, flying would be excessively inappropriate and while they were close enough to walk, there was no way Sirius would make it.

Thus, they were left with apparating which still put far too much pressure on his ribs for comfort but the journey time was considerably shorter.

Sirius staggered the minute he felt his feel connect with the cobblestones of Diagon Alley.

Thankfully, Alphard had the foresight to apparate them to the nearest authorised spot to Ollivander's so Sirius would not have to walk far. You used to be able to apparate anywhere in the street but a spate of recent attacks had forced the Ministry to tighten security. Still, that didn't stop the pre-term shoppers or even those out for a casual stroll, the world would have to become much darker for these people to get more cautious.

'Right, now I think this will be quicker and easier for you if we split up. I have got your booklist and we can get your robes fitted at home. So you just need to get your wand which, obviously, you will have to get yourself.' Alphard said as the pair exited the small side alley and turned towards the ancient wand shop. 'How much are wands these days anyway?'

'Seven galleons, the same as they've always been. How old are you?' Sirius joked.

'Watch it.' Alphard said with a glimmer of laughter in his eyes. He knew his nephew was getting better when he started making jokes. 'It is just with the prices of everything else going up, you never know. Right, you go in there and I'll be as quick as I can in Flourish and Blotts. Please do not leave the shop until I am back, I still do not trust people around here.'

Alphard passed his nephew the gold and waited until he had entered the shop before turning back down the road and heading for the book shop. He tried hard to look calm but to any curious onlooker, his swift pace hinted at the tension within.

~#~

The bell above the door tinkled as he entered the dusty shop. He never thought that he'd ever need another wand after his first. But here he was, stood in the centre of the room as Ollivander's ladder snapped against the edge of the shelf marking the owner's entrance, dramatic but the same as it ever was.

'Ah, Mr Black. I did not think I'd see you back in here until you had children of your own. I thought that after your brother, there would be no one else of your line. Very well, who would I be serving then?'

'Er, me.' Sirius didn't know what to say and the frown that briefly crossed the older man's forehead easily highlighted his surprise.

'Oh dear, what happened to your wand – red oak and dragon heartstring, thirteen inches was it not?'

'It snapped, so I need another one.' The words were embarrassing to utter aloud. Everyone knew that it was a poor wizard that let his wand be damaged.

'Of course, of course. Accidents happen after all. Now let me just get you measured up, you will have grown since last you were in here.' Even Sirius could tell that the old man's cheer was forced and this did nothing to raise his mood.

After the tape measure had flitted over every inch of his body, most he thought completely irrelevant to his wand, Mr Ollivander scurried back behind the desk and began building a pile of potential wands.

Each time Sirius removed one from its box, various mishaps would occur before he'd even waved the damn thing. The last, cherry with a dragon heartstring core, sent fiery pain shooting up his arm and even left blisters in his palm.

Eventually however, the wand-maker returned with a dark wand that he declared to be made of a combination of red oak and phoenix feather, his entire body filled with warmth and the ache in his ribs seemed to lessen for a while.

'Ah, there we are. A perfect match, if I do say so myself.' Ollivander said, twisting himself around the small pile of discarded wands to shake Sirius' hand. 'I assume you're happy with it?'

'Yeah.' He replied softly, not taking his eyes off his new wand. It seemed to fit him better than his last one, he thought, though perhaps that was just the lasting feeling of the wand bonding process.

'Good, good. That'll be seven galleons then please. Would you be wanting to keep the box?'

Sirius shook his head as he passed over the required gold, tucking his new wand into his borrowed robes.

Ollivander disappeared behind the shelves as Sirius pushed open the door, only just remembering that his uncle had asked him to wait inside. Sirius didn't often do as he was told, but this time he felt he owed it to the man who brought him back to his home and fix him up.

Still, it was dreadfully boring waiting around on the front steps of the wand shop. Twice he had to move out of the way to let someone in. He was just thinking about wandering slightly further when he caught sight of Alphard, walking steadily up the road with several books clasped under his arm.

'All done? I came by earlier once I had got your books but you were still going so I went for a wander. You were not waiting long, were you?'

'No, it's fine. What are we doing now, heading back?' For however much he loved his uncle, Sirius really didn't want to go back yet, he just wanted to do something that wasn't sitting around all day.

'I thought maybe we could have lunch at the Ghouls' Nook, it is closer than the Leaky Cauldron and quite frankly, the food is better.'

Sirius was relieved. 'Sounds like a plan. Besides, I've not been there before.'

It turned out that the Ghouls' Nook was just as dingy as the pub at the entrance to the alley but it had the advantage of being far less busy with absolutely no through-traffic. And while the food at the other pub always had a rushed quality to it, the food in the 'Nook was rich and plentiful. And yet, the visit went far too quickly for Sirius' liking and he was soon grasping his uncle's shoulder as they span back to Vespan road.

~#~

The following three days passed smoothly enough. Sirius was now well enough to inhabit other rooms of the house but his knee still couldn't really handle the stairs.

Sitting in the living room the night before the first of September, Sirius found that he couldn't focus the Wireless programme he was supposed to be listening to. Instead his mind kept wandering to what he'd be doing tomorrow and who he'd have to face.

He'd tried not to think about it too much over the holidays and over the last week he'd been distracted by his injuries. But now it hit him full force all over again and it had him distracted.

This didn't go unnoticed either. Alphard had just finished washing the dinner pots in the kitchen when he returned to the front room. It didn't take him at all long to notice his nephew's attention was far from the international quidditch game between Gorodok Gargoyles and Haileybury Hammers on the wireless.

He sat down on the chair opposite and cleared his throat. 'What's wrong? You should be happy what with heading back to school tomorrow.'

Sirius sighed, 'yeah…'

'Do not tell me you are still worried about your friends? I thought you had sorted this by now.'

'I tried, but I'm not good with words.'

'You did perfectly well with me. Surely writing to your friends is no more difficult?'

'But it is though. I didn't realise I'd told you till I'd already done it.' Sirius tried his best to force the pained emotion out of his voice but his desperation was still obvious. His friends meant the world to him and he had ruined their friendship with just a handful of words.

'It will be fine Sirius, you just have to tell them what happened from the beginning. You'll see.' He stretched out his legs before standing again. 'Anyway, I am heading up to bed. Make sure you actually sleep, you hear me? And I'll see you in the morning.' With that, he stood and left the room.

Sirius heard his footsteps echo away up the stairs before turning back to the game and trying once more to lose himself in it.

Sirius finally managed to doze off in the early hours of the morning, still sat in the chair in the living room.

~#~

He jolted awake with the sound of Alphard's feet on the steps at nine o'clock the following morning.

'Don't tell me you slept in the chair?' Alphard asked incredulously.

Sirius laughed sheepishly. 'Must have dozed off. What time are we leaving?'

'Oh, I was thinking we would get there early, avoid the rush and all that. Maybe leave about ten?'

'Sure, I didn't really fancy the idea of forcing my way through a load of parents anyway.'

And so, as they sat down to breakfast it was decided that they'd apparate again to avoid Sirius expending too much energy. He wasn't thrilled with the idea. True, he knew his ribs were still a bit dodgy and his knee forced him to limp awkwardly, but he didn't like the idea of changing his life over a few injuries. But still, he'd surrendered to the idea when he realised it meant he'd get a compartment to himself and he wouldn't have to face anybody he didn't want to.

Thus he found himself with an old rucksack over his shoulder (he needed something to take his new things in and his trunk ought to still be in his dormitory at Hogwarts) and limping through the barrier between platforms nine and ten at Kings Cross.

There was not a single person on the platform except for the conductor and the driver who were sitting on a bench next to the front of the great scarlet engine that dominated the platform.

At the sight of the two new arrivals, the conductor hastily stamped out his cigarette and drained the last of his coffee before standing importantly next to the drivers' door.

Alphard nodded in their direction before walking Sirius onto the train to find a suitable compartment. Obviously though, at this time of the morning all the carriages were empty.

Once he had found a compartment far enough from his friends' usual one, Sirius turned to his uncle, trying to work out how to say thank you for everything that had happened in the last week or so.

Fortunately, Alphard got there first. 'Don't mention it lad. You deserve some kindness in your life at the minute. Anyway, I have got you something.' He reached into a pocket of his robes and resized the small square object he retrieved.

Once it was back to its original size, Sirius saw immediately that it was a record. After it was passed over he read its title. His heart gave a small flutter, it was the latest album by Uriah Heep, a muggle band he'd been into since he'd first overheard one of their songs six years ago.

'You didn't have to get me anything.' Sirius said, still captivated by the album cover. His uncle had bought him a record player several years ago for his birthday and he treasured it more than even his broomstick.

'Call it an early birthday present. I picked it up when we were in Diagon Alley, did you know there is a muggle record shop next to the Leaky Cauldron?' Alphard was beaming. It was their shared interest in all things muggle that had drawn the two together in the first place and while the music wasn't really his favourite, Alphard knew that Sirius was enthralled with it.

'Anyway, I should really get going, I have a meeting with a Latvian witch at eleven-thirty and I have no idea where I am supposed to be going.' With a cheerful wave, he shut the compartment door, leaving Sirius to continue staring at his new album, too scared of breaking it to put it in his bag.

It wasn't long before the platform beyond the train window began to fill with excited children and teary parents. Sirius turned his back on the window, not wanting to see the emotions beyond. Propping his still injured knee up on the chair next to him, Sirius waited impatiently for the train to chug away from the platform and carry him away to the inevitable doom of people staring at his injuries and his former friends avoiding him at every available moment.

_**A/N: I would apologise profusely if I thought it'd update this story any quicker. Besides, you've heard enough of them by now. I'll only say that at times I wasn't really in the right headspace for rebuilding Sirius. But I will promise that this story will be finished, there's only going to be one, maybe two more chapters anyway but they will be finished. So I'm going to shut up now and start writing the next instalment.**_


	7. Coming Clean

**Chapter 7 – Coming Clean**

_It wasn't long before the platform beyond the train window began to fill with excited children and teary parents. Sirius turned his back on the window, not wanting to see the emotions beyond. Propping his still injured knee up on the chair next to him, Sirius waited impatiently for the train to chug away from the platform and carry him away to the inevitable doom of people staring at his injuries and his former friends avoiding him at every available moment._

_~#~_

As the train pulled away from the station, Sirius found his eyes fixed on the faces of the parents waiting on the platform, trying to get a last look at their children. Several were crying and many were waving. But soon their image was replaced by that of London and not long after that, with fields.

After thirty minutes of staring at the countryside, Sirius found the gentle rocking of the train was pulling him towards sleep. Nobody had tried to join him in his compartment yet and he reasoned that they would not do so now. Still clutching his new record in his hands, Sirius raised the other leg to rest on the seat beside him and leant his back against the window, feeling the pull of sleep claim him.

For several hours he lay motionless, barely moving as his body caught up with the sleep he had neglected. He didn't even twitch when the trolley lady gently tapped on the door at midday. Yet as the sky began to grow darker, his eyes began to flicker behind his eyelids and his jaw clenched and unclenched.

_His eyes filled with green and he had the feeling of ascension. Soon he began to perceive the feel of wood beneath his feet as he shuffled through the door in front of him. The light swiftly changed to sliver as he moved through the door. But the colour was obscured, he was intrigued. Moving closer he saw that something had been pasted over the walls. _

_Words sprung off the wall at him, making him start. __**Massacre. Slaughter. Dark Mark. Increasing Followers. Dark Lord. World at War. **__He knew he had to get away from the onslaught of literature as he tried shaking his head to clear his mind. _

_Opening his eyes again, he found the silver light clear of any blemishes, there were no more words assaulting his tender eyes. But with the relief he began to notice a rumbling far off in the distance, as though of a man talking._

_Shuffling back out the door, Sirius moved down what appeared to be a corridor. As he did so, the noise became louder and distinctly more familiar. It was deep, but not deeper than his own. Try as he might, he could not place the voice but now the words issued were discernible. _

'_He's got the right idea … I believe in the rights of our race … I'm thinking about joining him … I wish you were gone … I wish you were dead …'_

_The tone of the voice changed, less accusatory but far more boastful. 'Werewolves are beast, dirty creatures … He's consorting with half-breeds … I have it on good authority …'_

_There was a new voice, deeper now than his own, vowel sounds were far more clipped and it gave off an air of authority. Familiar yet still just outside the reach of comprehension. Sirius could not move his feet an inch further, could not tear his eyes from the painfully bright green light._

'_Study, now! … Worthless … Detestable … Deserve the same painful death … You epitomise disgrace … You are not my son …' _

_While every word seemed to have been carried over a protracted length_, _each and every one reverberated around his skull and made him breathless. _

_Light seemed to crack around him as his ears roared. The pain seemed crippling but he could still clearly hear the words floating over to him._

'_I wish you were dead'_

_He felt himself be knocked backwards off his feet, he tried to brace his fall but he could not move. He kept falling, falling into an unknown abyss._

'_Werewolves are beasts'_

_Light continued to flash before his eyes and every sound that was not a word seemed to roar at him as he fell still further._

'_I have it on good authority'_

'_You are not my son'_

_His lungs ached with lack of oxygen, he felt as though his chest was going to burst with agony._

'_I have it on good authority'_

'_I wish you were dead'_

'_I'm thinking about joining him'_

'_I have it on good authority.'_

_He kept tumbling into the chasm, head pounding with the assault of words, entirely unable to act._

The train began to slow and Sirius' legs were tipped off the bench as he jolted awake.

He blinked several times, trying to clear the nightmare from his mind but it would not shift. He wiped a hand over his brow and pushed his sweat-heavy hair out of his eyes.

The train had ground to a halt now but Sirius still could not even out his erratic heartbeat. He could hear the clamour of students on the platform beyond his window and he had no desire to join them. Thankfully foresight had put him in his school robes before leaving for the train that morning so he could afford to wait until the platform cleared a little. This, at least gave him time to compose himself and become more presentable.

Forcing himself onto his feet, he carefully placed his mercifully undamaged record into his bag and steadily made his way out into the breezy night in Hogsmeade.

~#~

The unfortunate side effect of avoiding the crowds at the station was that nearly the entire student population was seated when Sirius finally made it to the Great Hall.

Consciously trying to hide his all too prominent limp but keeping his head held high, he made his way to the Gryffindor table.

It was impossible to ignore the stares. Not least because he was one of the ever popular Marauders entering alone, but also the sheer fact that he was the last person in the last carriage and thus the last to enter.

Some of the students would already know what had happened; pureblood society was rife with gossip at the best of times, but the fall of the heir to the most powerful pureblood family was bound to cause a stir. Other students, mostly Slytherins but some Ravenclaws too, would recognise the signs of a beating, many having received a variation themselves. The rest just saw the tall, well-built Gryffindor beater limping conspicuously into the Great Hall, a look of grim determination on his face.

Thankfully, the only teachers that were present were busy catching up with their colleagues. By the time they had noticed the hushed murmurs and poorly concealed chuckles from select Slytherins, Sirius was sat in his seat at the far end of the Gryffindor table, staring resolutely at the stone wall ahead of him and ignoring the stares at his back.

~#~

Further down the same table, sat three other boys previously deep in a whispered conversation.

'I'm telling you,' the sandy haired boy spoke, cautiously looking about to ensure no one was eavesdropping. 'I walked past his compartment on my prefect round. He was fast asleep so he wouldn't have noticed me but you should've seen the cut across his face. He looked like he'd been attack. Merlin, James what if he's been attacked?'

The dark haired boy looked worried. For however hard he'd tried to look like he didn't care on the train, the worry was beginning to settle into his entire demeanour.

'Should we ask him, later back in the dormitory?' The smallest blonde boy asked.

'That's if he even goes back there. I know what he did was terrible but I'd really hoped he would've gone back before the end of term so I could talk to him. He didn't even come back for his stuff.' Remus stated. The boys were starting to get funny looks from the rest of the students, but thankfully most assumed they were just plotting another prank and looked away pretty quickly.

'Yeah, that's probably my fault.' James spoke at last. 'I told him not to come back. We had this big argument in the common room.' Remus gave him a reproachful look. 'I know, I know, I shouldn't have done it. I should've given him a real chance to explain when you were back but I was so angry.'

Peter was no longer listening. He'd always been good at noticing things others tended to miss and he was also good at picking up on what everyone else was doing.

'Guys. Guys look.' He nodded towards the door. The other's eyes followed his direction, absently noting that nearly everyone else was doing the same. When their eyes had finally locked on to the intended target, they widened but none could look away.

Whispers broke out amongst the students as Peter wrenched his eyes away from the limping boy. 'Christ, I know what you mean Remus. He looks half dead.'

'Circe's pigs, you're right.' James spoke absently in a low voice.

'He's limping. Peter, why's he limping?' Both James and Remus were still staring at the door despite the boy in question having now sat down.

Neither of the other boys could formulate an answer to his question and none could even speak another word until their head of house led the new first years into the Great Hall, providing a merciful distraction.

~#~

He had paid little to no attention to the sorting. He felt apart from the festivities and cheer surrounding him. Besides, his stomach had started to rumble about ten minutes in and that was distracting enough. If there was one thing that had been left undamaged after the altercation in the summer, it was Sirius' appetite, even if he did vomit up everything he'd eaten for the first few days.

He stared at the empty spaces on the table all through the headmaster's speech, willing food to appear. When it finally did, it took every ounce of control he could muster to stop himself putting everything in sight onto his plate.

For however much Sirius loved his uncle, an emotion heightened by the aid he had received, he had to admit, Alphard couldn't cook to save his life. A week living off stodgy, undercooked or burnt food really did give one a better appreciation of expert cooking.

All too soon however, the feast was over. Sirius stood with the rest of the Gryffindors though paused when he realised he hadn't thought where he was going. Should he go to the common room or make a cowardly retreat back to the Room of Requirement?

Thinking that either route involved going upstairs, Sirius began to move towards the Entrance Hall with the stragglers. As his knee gave a twinge that almost made him collapse, he began to think of just how many stairs he'd have to climb. He'd only managed one storey so far and there was no way he'd be able to jump the trick steps.

All thoughts of stairs were quickly wiped from his mind at the sight of a single straggling Slytherin in the Entrance Hall.

Memories of his last night at home and his nightmare on the train assaulted Sirius once more. Regulus' voice seemed to be screaming in his ears.

Suddenly, he found that two and two went together rather well. There was only one other student in the school who knew for sure that Remus was a werewolf. Only one person who could be Regulus' 'good authority.'

And said Snake was grinning broadly in his direction.

Sirius lunged. All thoughts of a still badly injured knee and poorly healed ribs were wrenched from his mind with the thought that this boy had spread Remus' biggest secret. Had turned his little brother against him, probably introduced Regulus to the active side of the dark arts. He was the reason for all the pain that Sirius was feeling and Snape deserved to know exactly how he felt.

Sirius did not hear the single scream at his movement, all he felt was burning hatred and his fists impacting flesh.

The ruckus had managed to attract the attention of several of the teachers still in the Great Hall. Thus it didn't take long for one shrill voice to burst through Sirius' clouded awareness.

'What on earth is the meaning of this?' Even McGonagall's most disapproving voice could not halt the anger and adrenaline coursing through the boy's veins.

Alongside her, the headmaster had also left his seat to investigate the noise. His usually dancing bright eyes narrowed at the sight. When still Sirius didn't stop, aiming his fists at every inch of Snape that he could reach, Dumbledore threw out a simple knock-back jinx to separate the boys. The spell had never harmed a student before, merely put distance between them.

But right now, Sirius was not the most robust of students.

He did not move from the patch of stonework he had landed on. The gentle impact of the spell had completely winded him as he crippled to the floor – his knee refusing to support him any longer - and he could not hold back the groan of agony when he felt his ribs re-break.

Steadily, he became aware of his front becoming warm and sticky as he lay in the foetal position at the feet of some of the remaining students. Dimly he became aware of a voice above him shout out.

'Professor! He's bleeding!' Soon after, the world blurred out of focus as Sirius clung to consciousness with all his might.

~#~

Minerva spared the Slytherin the briefest of looks as she acknowledged that he had the attention of Albus Dumbledore, before turning to her own student.

At first sight she knew he was hurt. Patches of his school shirt were steadily turning crimson and his right leg was resting in an awkward position.

Hastily conjuring a stretcher and levitating the sixth year onto it, she called out, 'Headmaster, I will be in the Hospital Wing.' And striding away before she could see Severus Snape stand and walk shakily away with his housemates.

~#~

Sirius jumped back into total consciousness as he was placed onto the bed, groaning painfully as the movement jarred his knee and ribs. He heard the sound of scurrying footsteps and the voice of the young matron, Madam Pomfrey, ask McGonagall: 'what happened Minerva?'

'I have no idea Poppy. We came upon him fighting with the Snape boy, Albus used an impediment jinx to get the two of them apart and then Black was sprawled on the floor bleeding. I'm sure he was okay during dinner though.'

'An impediment jinx wouldn't harm anyone though.' She began bustling around her patient, carefully relocating his school uniform and vanishing the blood soaked bandages so as to see his bleeding torso better. She gasped. 'This is certainly not the work of a harmless jinx Minerva.'

The Head of Gryffindor moved from the foot of the bed to get a better look before she too drew in a sharp intake of breath. 'He looks as though he's been cursed Poppy.'

'I won't know for certain until I've carried out the complete list of diagnostics, but yes, it certainly looks that way.'

Focusing on the voices grounded Sirius to the real world though he could not relax his tense muscles nor even open his eyes. However, when he felt the familiar probe of magic course through him, he could not suppress the groan.

'My dear boy, you're awake. I had not realised. I'm afraid I can't get you anything for the pain until I know what caused it. Just hold on in there.' Pomfrey said, mind only half on her patient, the other half focused on the results of her first diagnostic charm.

Minerva laid her hand gently on Sirius' shoulder, though whether it was to provide comfort or to prevent him moving during the diagnosis, she did not know.

'Deep lacerations to the torso, thirteen broken ribs – dear me – mild burns, partially healed shattered knee and – oh my merlin – restricted lung capacity and damage to the stomach.' She murmured the diagnostic aloud, face growing pale and causing her friend to stare at her aghast.

'Right, Mr Black. I think we should be able to get away with Mabres' pain reliever for now. Stay here while I fetch it.'

Sirius resisted the urge to curl up in a ball, knowing it would only make the pain worse.

When the matron returned she was followed by Dumbledore who began to pull the curtains closed around the bed. Not even he noticed how the curtain seemed to encounter resistance by some invisible force before it had completely concealed Sirius from view.

Sirius gasped as the matron placed her hand firmly behind his back to ease him into a half sitting position so that he could swallow the potion. He felt almost as bad as he did on that first morning at Alphard's. The pain was searing through his chest and he felt as though he couldn't draw breath. The only difference was that now he was conscious enough to feel the way his ribs moved every time he breathed.

As McGonagall and Pomfrey filled the headmaster in on what they knew, Sirius slumped back into his pillows, trying to will the pain reliever to work quicker.

'Mr Black?' Dumbledore called gently, trying to rouse the teenager out of his pain. 'Sirius?' He forced his eyes open. 'Who did this to you?'

Sirius let out an anguished groan in reply as Dumbledore rested himself on the end of the hospital bed, the movement jostling his knee.

'Albus, at least let the pain reliever get to work before questioning him.' Pomfrey said sternly. Her first duty was, as always, to her students not to her employer.

Sirius tried to shoot her a grateful look but he wasn't entirely sure the meaning was properly conveyed.

All three adults remained in silence for several minutes before Sirius finally heaved a tremendous sigh, finally feeling as though he could get enough air into his lungs. Madam Pomfrey nodded to the headmaster when he looked at her questioningly. She moved towards the head of the bed, and gently eased Sirius back into a sitting position, moving the pillows until he looked comfortable.

'Sirius?' The boy raised his eyes until they reached those of an electric blue. He had never heard Professor Dumbledore speak to him in such a soft tone before. 'What caused your injuries?'

Sirius lightly rubbed the fresh bandages across his chest that Pomfrey had carefully begun wrapping around his torso.

'Er. I don't really want to talk about it.' The headmaster's words caught his attention, his mind automatically and unwillingly focused on his answer bringing with it memories of bright lights, clouds of smoke and harsh words.

Both professors had caught the vacant look in his eyes. Minerva moved her hand back so that it rested on Sirius' shoulder once more, unknowingly grounding Sirius back to the present. He focused with all his might on the weight of the hand on his shoulder, willing the memories back into the corner of his mind he had originally forced them into.

'Did it happen over the summer? Whilst you were at home?' Minerva asked, having always had suspicions over Sirius' upbringing.

The boy nodded stiffly.

'Your parents?' She asked again, in the same gentle, searching tone.

Again, he had to force himself to focus on the here and now, on the hand on his shoulder, even the still throbbing pain in his chest and knee. Anything to stop his mind whirling back to that night of the 21st of August.

He nodded slowly.

'Your parents did this to you Sirius?' Dumbledore asked from the foot of the bed. When Sirius nodded again, he asked 'why?'

'I, er… werewolves.' His voice was quiet, but not quiet enough for those present not to hear.

Madam Pomfrey was now carefully moving around her colleagues, casting various additional diagnostic charms and waiting silently for their results. Through her movement, no one heard to small intake of breath from the chair beside the bed.

'What do you mean?' Dumbledore's voice had the same unfamiliar soft tone. 'I understand that you do not want to think about it but we must know so that we can help you.'

Sirius could not halt the snort or derision which, unfortunately, caused him to cough sharply which forced him to roll into the foetal position with his eyes screwed shut in pain. He had forgotten how much normal reactions hurt.

McGonagall's hand shifted sharply from his shoulder the minute he coughed. She did not want to be in the way and inadvertently cause more damage.

Madam Pomfrey, previously stood at the foot of the bed with a medical tome perched on the footboard as she tried to find a way to heal her patient's injuries, snapped her book closed and hurried closer to the bedside.

'Easy there. Try and breathe more slowly.' She gently rubbed the boy's back, trying to ease the pressure in his lungs. Only the two adults present saw the concerned look on her face as spots of red appeared on the formerly pristine bandages.

Eventually, Sirius managed to wheeze: 'you won't be able to help. You don't even care.' Before his breath became too laboured and his throat burned.

When finally the coughing had ceased and Madam Pomfrey deemed him fit enough to talk again (after another dose of pain reliever), Albus Dumbledore leaned forward from his spot perched on the end of the bed.

'I care for all my students Mr Black, and while I may not always be able to make much difference, I will always try.' Sirius still looked a little incredulous. 'Now, can you tell me what happened or would you prefer I left you to talk to Professor McGonagall instead?'

He shrugged gently. Regardless who he spoke to, both teachers would know about it not long afterwards.

'We - Father and I - were at the Ministry. He was talking to someone from the Werewolf registration office… I disagreed with what they were talking about. Father and I came home.' His speech was patchy and disjoined, partly because he was still breathing fairly erratically but also because he was unsure what he should say.

Both professors nodded encouragingly and even Madam Pomfrey had ceased her flicking through the _Healing Directory_ to listen better.

'Then I had a falling out with Regulus-' here Sirius hesitated.

'Over what?' Minerva spoke softly.

'Er, just- just stuff.' He didn't know why he didn't tell them about Regulus' aspirations to join the Dark Lord but the words wouldn't even form in his mind. 'And er, Father brought up werewolves again over dinner. Reg- um Regulus said that he'd heard from someone that there was a werewolf in the school. And well, I knew he was talking about Remus but I didn't really know who'd told him 'til today.'

'Mr Snape?' The headmaster asked.

'Who else?' Sirius retorted sarcastically; he was in pain and he was fed up with being probed.

'And how did you come about your injuries?' Dumbledore asked, choosing to ignore the tone of his student which would normally earn a stern reprimand.

'The argument afterwards. Started off about werewolves and ended up on their dark beliefs. Didn't really end well after that.' Sirius finished with as much of a shrug he could manage.

'And then they cursed you?' Minerva probed.

'Mostly Father I think. I don't really remember.'

'What did you do after that?' Dumbledore asked.

'Not a great deal I could do. When I came round I managed to get out. Didn't want to stay there a great deal longer after that. Went to my Uncle Alphard's in the end. He patched me up best he could.'

Poppy huffed quietly at the end of the bed, thinking of how badly healed the boy's injuries must have been if they could open up again so easily.

'He did the best he could.' Sirius retorted angrily, trying his hardest to defend his favourite uncle after he'd done so much for him. 'I was alright before I got here.'

McGonagall laid a hand warningly on his shoulder again.

'And you are sure that it was Mr Snape that told your brother?' Dumbledore asked in the same gentle but serious tone.

'There was no one else who knew about Remus and Regulus isn't bright enough or sneaky enough to find it out by himself.'

Dumbledore nodded. 'In that case, I will leave you in the hands of your head of house and our healer and wish you all the best.' He rose from the bed, again jostling Sirius' knee. 'Poppy, how would a simple impediment jinx cause his wounds to reopen?' He asked, turning to the healer.

'I believe it was the coming into contact with magic, Professor. As the wounds were only barely healed, and poorly at that, any small amount of magic would have caused them to reopen. Curse wounds such as this are particularly resistant to healing, I doubt it would have taken them long to reopen now that he's back at Hogwarts.'

Dumbledore gave her a tight smile before patting Sirius on the foot, jostling his knee still further before sweeping out between the curtains, not hearing Sirius' grunt of agony.

Madam Pomfrey's head snapped round at the sound and her attention was drawn now to her patient's legs as she began to attempt to heal her patient.

'Why did you not tell me how your parents were before now?' Minerva asked, moving towards the foot of the bed in the headmaster's absence.

Sirius shrugged again. 'Didn't think it'd do much good.'

'I think it's time I began healing now Professor.' Pomfrey interrupted.

'Yes of course.' Though she made no attempt to leave.

'It will not be pretty. Unfortunately there's not much use for pain relievers when dark magic is involved.' This last she said to her patient with a pitying look caressing her features.

'Then perhaps I shall stay and provide all the support I can manage.' Minerva replied, though silently she was unsure if this was something she would want to witness.

'In which case, perhaps it would be best if you held Mr Black's shoulders while I try and heal these ribs.'

Sirius looked anxiously between the two adults, not quite being able to comprehend what they were talking about. When his head of house braced his shoulders with her hands with a grim look on her face, it finally clicked.

He gulped and look directly at the witch now raising her wand and pointing it at his torso. He tried not to flinch. 'This doesn't look like it's going to be fun.' He muttered, eyes growing wide.

Why was it, that for however good magical medicine got, there was always the drawback that some healing methods demanded to be felt?

~#~

Only three hours into the new term and Poppy was already dealing with a patient. She had mentally prepared herself over the summer for what was sure to be a busier year for her now that the war was getting worse. She wasn't naïve enough to think that the war would remain outside of Hogwarts' walls.

Three hours in and she had just heard and witnessed the worst case of child abuse she had ever encountered. The poor boy had worse injuries than the poor Lupin boy after a full moon.

Despite her calm demeanour when dealing with her patient, seeing the teenager in this state broke her heart. And it broke it even more to have to increase his pain to try and heal him. But she had to stay calm and steady, if at least for the boy's sake.

A corner of her mind was grateful for the silencing charms on the curtains. She couldn't imagine what would have happened if the boy's friends had come to investigate his disappearance.

Thirty minutes later and she was ready to crawl into her bed and sob herself to sleep.

Slumping against the side of the bed, Poppy finally lowered her wand. The curse wounds were not yet fully healed but they were set on their way.

Black let out a low, pained groan before his eyes fluttered shut and he finally fell into unconsciousness.

Turning to her friend, she said: 'I think that's us done for the day Minerva. There's nothing more we can do just now.'

Minerva McGonagall looked incredibly pale. 'I think I am going to need a drink before I can sleep this off Poppy.'

'That is a sentiment I can agree with. I have a bottle of Firewhiskey in my office.'

Minerva raised her eyebrows. 'What are you doing with alcohol in your office?' She said, trying with all her might to lighten the atmosphere.

'Well, I'm not always treating patients Minerva.' Poppy replied defensively.

She checked her patient one last time before brushing aside a curtain and ushering her older friend through before following her.

~#~

Remus could not believe what he had just witnessed. He, James and Peter had been halfway up the first staircase when they had heard the gasps and screams of the rest of the students in the Entrance Hall. All three were transfixed when Snape and Sirius were thrown apart and Sirius didn't pick himself up off the floor.

When Sirius was lifted onto a stretcher and levitated off to the Hospital Wing, Remus had turned to a wide-eyed James and demanded to be given his invisibility cloak. He didn't think he'd get there in time, but thankfully Remus just managed to get to the bedside chair before the curtains were fully closed.

It was hard to stay quiet through all that he heard. It was harder still to remember that he was meant to be angry with Sirius.

Sirius had never mentioned that his parents were abusive. They all knew that Sirius didn't get on with his family but his friend had just said that all they ever did was argue. Whenever the holidays were mentioned, Sirius would just say that he stayed out of the way and that it was nothing special. None of them ever knew what was really going on.

Part of Remus' brain tried to refuse the information in front of him, but he'd never heard Sirius' voice so flat or dead, not even when he'd come to see him last summer after the incident. Besides, his eyes could not tear away from the bloody sheet and the strained look on the matron's face. There was no way he could logically refute what he'd heard, no matter how much he didn't want to believe it.

Even when Professor McGonagall and Madam Pomfrey had left, Remus couldn't move from the bedside. Whatever was left of his anger dissipated at the sight in front of him. Sirius was out cold but his pale face still looked pained. His bandaged chest was still visible and there was a sizeable lump in the region of his friend's knee where it had had to be splinted and braced before bandaging.

Remus didn't know how long he sat there. He didn't even notice when the invisibility cloak slipped off his face and pooled into his lap.

~#~

Several hours later, Sirius groaned and his eyes fluttered open eventually fixing on the boy in the chair beside the bed.

''Emus?' He groaned. He wasn't entirely sure whether or not he was hallucinating. There was no way Remus would be near him but then, when he'd been hallucinating before, he'd only seen his parents and Regulus.

'Sirius?' Remus jumped forward in his seat. 'Are you alright? No that's a stupid question, of course you're not. How do you feel?'

'I'm so sorry Remus, I never meant to do it.' Sirius said, not breaking eye contact with the blonde-haired boy.

'Eh? What are you on about? I can't imagine you meant to end up like this.' He gestured to the bandages sticking out from under the sheets.

Sirius' head was steadily becoming clearer as he forced aside the pain. It was important that Remus knew everything, he was the one person he'd hurt the most, everything else was secondary.

'No, about what happened last summer. I didn't mean to do it. I never explained properly. I was so angry, with Mother, with Dumbledore, and then Snape turned up and kept running his mouth and I just snapped. I know it's no excuse but you've got to understand I didn't want to kill him and I didn't want to hurt or use you. I am so sorry Remus.' All his words came out in a loud rush.

'Shh, Sirius it's alright.' Remus frowned, he'd managed to forget about the Willow incident with everything he'd witnessed tonight. His brain steadily kicked back into gear.

He never had gotten the full story from Sirius, apparently even James and Peter hadn't really been told. All James had said was that Sirius couldn't provide a good enough excuse. Peter, on the other hand, had said that Sirius looked too cut up to even talk properly. At the time, Remus didn't know if Peter had only said that to make him feel better but now he thought there was some truth in it.

'Can you tell me what happened Sirius? From the beginning?'

Sirius nodded as he tried to prop himself up on his elbows before gasping in pain and slumping back down. Remus rushed forward and carefully placed his hand on his friend's back and gently lifted him into a sitting position and piled some pillows behind him to keep him upright, unknowingly providing the same care his friends were used to giving him after a full moon.

'I'd got back from Hogsmeade about an hour and a half before the moon came up. Got collared by McGonagall on the fourth floor and she hauled me off her office. She said she'd been looking for me, seems I'd missed a detention, but the headmaster wanted to see me, said he'd got my mother in.

'So when we'd got there she was all angry, Mother that is, and she kept going on about how I was such a disgrace; hexing my betters and cavorting with mudbloods and all the rest of that bullshit. You know how that sort of stuff gets to me? Well, we started arguing and then I thought she was going to curse me there and then-'

'Where were Professor Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall?' Remus interjected.

'Mother made them leave but they came back after that. Dumbledore acted like nothing had happened.

'So then I was told to leave. I'd gotten down to the second floor when I'd bumped into Snape, quite literally mind you. That's when he started running his mouth, insinuating what he knew about you and I was so wound up that I jinxed him. I honestly don't remember the exact words I said to him after that. Something about how he was too thick to find the knot on the tree. I knocked him unconscious then, and I expected him to go back to the dungeons when he woke up.

'I went off to calm down a bit 'cause at this point I was raging.' Remus didn't comment on the phrase Sirius had picked up in their first year from a Cumbrian third year despite still finding it funny. 'And you know, when you transform you're overly sensitive to emotions and I wasn't taking that chance again.'

'What do you mean: "again"?' Remus asked, voice low and worried.

Sirius caught the offhand shrug just in time. 'It was nothing really. The third full moon with you was after I got into an argument with Regulus. You went for me a bit. James pushed you back then me and Pete left you with James for the rest of the night. Apparently you were alright with James afterwards. It's no big deal.'

'I didn't hurt any of you did I?' Remus was aghast. It was his worst nightmare to hurt someone, especially one of his friends who'd been so accepting of him.

'Of course not.' Sirius did not want to mention the long scar across his ribs that he'd acquired from that very incident. 'Anyway, I was explaining myself. Where was I? Oh, yeah. Hiding in a broom cupboard.

'After I'd calmed down a bit I made it onto the grounds. The moon was already up and James was wondering where I'd been. Then Pete ran up to us and said that Snape had gone down the Willow.'

Remus stiffened. It was hard to hear this, yet at the same time it was a relief to finally hear the truth.

'James ran off while I stood there useless and Pete ran off to get a teacher. McGonagall got there just as James got back with Snape. They were both unharmed, if a little shaken.

'I'm so sorry Remus. I never even meant to tell him anything. I know you always said any reaction was just confirming his thoughts but he just really winds me up. That and I think he knew anyway. Honestly Remus, I never meant to hurt or betray you. Or Snape.'

Sirius' eyes were pleading. There was nothing in the world he wanted more than for his friend to understand that he didn't mean what he did. For however hard it had been to write Remus a letter over the summer, when face to face, the words poured out of him like water through a sieve.

Remus nodded. 'I believe you.' Sirius let out a breath he didn't realise he had been holding. 'I don't think I ever really believed it, I certainly never wanted to.' The boys shared a bittersweet smile. It was as if all the pain of the summer had never happened. 'Anyway, what caused all this?' Remus gestured to Sirius' bandaged ribs and bulging knee. 'You said something about werewolves. You didn't get into trouble over me did you?'

Mood considerably lightened, Sirius barely felt the restriction of his ribs or the shooting pain from his knee as he recounted the events of his summer.

~#~

When Poppy forced herself out of her bed at two o'clock that morning to check on her patient and try and give him some potions, the last thing she expected to find was her long-term patient sat in the chair next to Mr Black, head slumped to the side in sleep.

If she didn't know of the falling out last year she probably wouldn't have been half as surprised to see Remus there.

When she set the tray down on the overbed table with a gentle 'thunk', both boys began to stir. Black groaned and she rushed forward with a dose of Mabres' and a soothing voice.

When he was settled she began recasting diagnostics while Remus looked on worriedly.

'You shouldn't be here Remus. You know the rules better than anyone: no visitors out of designated hours.' She looked at him sternly. There was a reason those rules were in place, not least because it kept students from getting in the way of her healing, either physically or simply by keeping her patients awake.

'But… Madam Pomfrey please.' The boy looked at her wide-eyed. She could see the desperation in his eyes. If it wasn't because she had seen Remus after a full moon for the last five years and if she hadn't had to heal every self-inflicted wound then she might not have been so lenient.

Privately, she didn't think she would have been so lenient if it had been any other patient either. Especially with a case as severe as this, nobody deserved to see their friend in such pain. But there was a soft spot in Poppy's heart where the blonde-haired, amber-eyed boy was concerned.

'Okay, but you must stay out of the way and not wake Mr Black while he is sleeping. But I can't have the other two in here at all hours too, do you hear me? You, and only you, can stay the night but you must go to breakfast in the morning.'

'Thank you Madam Pomfrey.' The boy replied softly as she turned back to her diagnostics.

~#~

_Oooh, we're nearly there now. Perhaps only a single chapter to go._

_I'm overly impressed with this chapter and I'm really happy with the way it turned out. Let me know what you think, it means the world to me._


	8. Mending Broken Wounds

**Chapter 8 – Mending Broken Wounds**

'_Okay, but you must stay out of the way and not wake Mr Black while he is sleeping. But I can't have the other two in here at all hours too, do you hear me? You, and only you, can stay the night but you must go to breakfast in the morning.'_

'_Thank you Madam Pomfrey.' The boy replied softly as she turned back to her diagnostics._

~#~

Sirius awoke the following morning groggy and confused. It took him a moment to realise where he was and why. His memory stumbling back to him, the teenager looked around and found the pain in his chest surprisingly dulled. Spotting Remus in the chair next to him, head lolled to one side and snoring gently, Sirius' heart warmed. The conversation they'd had the previous night had clearly not been a dream after all.

His worst fear for the new term had not come to fruition. Remus had heard him out and even said that he believed everything Sirius had told him. He now had one friend who was now willing to sit by his bedside throughout the night.

Remus snorted and jolted awake as his head tipped back. Sirius struggled not to laugh at his friend's undignified way of waking. Unfortunately Remus noticed the look of mirth on the other boy's face and glared at him good-naturedly before twisting his neck to work the ache out of it.

'Feeling better I take it?' The sandy haired boy asked.

Sirius smiled broadly, he had not felt better all summer. Yes his knee still hurt and his chest still ached but one of his friends had forgiven him. 'Yep.' He replied, popping his 'p'.

Remus couldn't help but grin back as an almost giddy feeling overcame them both.

Madam Pomfrey pushed aside the curtains as she bustled in with an array of potions set upon a tray. She smiled slightly at her patient, pleased to see him awake and clearly in good spirits.

'I see you're both awake. Remus, breakfast starts in ten minutes so I suggest you go change and get fed before your lessons start.'

Remus made to protest but stopped at the stern glare from the matron, he glanced across at Sirius, gave him a reassuring smile and left the hospital wing. He fully intended to talk his other two friends into giving Sirius a chance to explain himself. The way Sirius had talked last night made far more sense than the disjointed answer he had gotten from the others. The last few months had been hard on them all, there had always been four of them and there was always meant to be. Having their number cut to three in such a manner had left them all disorientated and at least a little depressed.

~#~

Back in the Hospital Wing, Sirius couldn't wipe the broad grin off his face even as Madam Pomfrey began to prod and probe to see what healing still needed to be done. Unfortunately the matron seemed to take his giddy nature as a sign that he'd perhaps had too much pain reliever through the night and suggested he take it less regularly from now on.

The morning's healing was far less painful than the night before. With the groundwork having been done, Madam Pomfrey was mainly just checking that his ribs had set right and the wounds on his torso had not reopened over-night. The only problem seemed to be his knee which had already managed to set incorrectly.

'It'll be hard work and you'll have to take it easy.' Madam Pomfrey said in response to the panicked look that crossed Sirius' face. 'You will have to stay in for the rest of the week regardless, we don't want anything to go amiss and for you to end up like you were yesterday.'

Sirius groaned at the thought of being stuck in bed for another week again.

'It's for the best. As it is I don't think you're quite capable of making it to your common room so a little rest won't do you any harm.'

With that she handed him two small vials, one a toxic green colour and the other a putrid brown. Sirius glared at them, hoping against hope that he wouldn't have to ingest them.

'Drink up, they're for your lungs and stomach. Healing hasn't even touched those yet so we can't delay. Merlin knows what kind of damage there'll be if we don't sort it out now.'

Unstopping the first vial, the teen held his nose before attempting to down it in one. However, the taste was even worse than the smell and he gagged half-way through.

'Oh don't be so dramatic. That one doesn't even taste that bad. You finish those two and I'll see about sorting out some breakfast for you.' Pomfrey said huffily. None of her students ever liked taking potions but quite often they were a necessary part of healing, and far less painful than any alternatives.

With potions painfully swallowed, Sirius eased himself into a sitting position, determined that the lingering taste of healing potion wouldn't ruin his breakfast.

~#~

Breakfast in the Hospital Wing was never as good as in the Great Hall or directly from the kitchen, there was never enough of it for one thing. This said, Sirius was still enjoying eradicating the taste of potions and instead replacing it with the taste of scrambled eggs and toast.

The curtains fluttered aside once more, almost afraid that it was Madam Pomfrey returning to force-feed him more potions, Sirius glanced up.

'No need to look so afraid Mr Black, Madam Pomfrey is still in her office.' Minerva McGonagall said smiling gently, noting the nervous look on her student's face. She walked around the bed before perching herself gently on the chair that Remus had previously vacated.

'I thought I would drop by to see how you were doing.' The professor asked in response to Sirius' now questioning expression, fork still halfway to his mouth. 'Besides, I needed to sort out your timetable anyway.'

'I'm doing alright. Stuck in here for the next week though.' He replied. Minerva smiled at the bitter tone understanding her student all too well.

'I am glad. I must admit you had me worried last night. Though I am a little disappointed you did not tell me about your parents before.' She answered softly.

'I didn't think there was anything you could do. Besides it's sort of private.' Sirius replied quietly, not making eye contact.

'Perhaps not, though I would have liked to have known, if just to reassure myself that you were okay. Now, on a different note: have you given any thought as to what N.E.W.T.s you would like to take this year? Congratulations on your O.W.L. results by the way.'

'Thanks. Umm, I thought I'd just carry on the ones I got O's in. So Charms, Potions, Transfig', Defence and Muggle Studies.' Slightly happier with the change in topic, Sirius was still uncomfortable having a conversation with his head of house when he wasn't in class or in trouble.

'Very well. Though are you sure you will be okay with five subjects? Most students prefer to only carry on four unless they have a particular career in mind.' Tapping the empty timetable with her wand, she passed it over to the sixth year who glanced at it briefly before placing it on his bedside table.

'Yeah, it'll be fine. And besides, having five N.E.W.T.s will be useful when I know what I want to do after all this.' He gestured around vaguely. 'And thanks Professor. For coming to see me.' This Sirius said softly and in the vague direction of his feet. He had always felt closer to Professor McGonagall than to any of the other professors, perhaps it was because she was his head of year and he interacted with her more often but he felt she understood him better than most people. That and she was one of few adults he actually trusted. This didn't stop him feeling awkward around her though and expressing his emotions was not Sirius' forte.

Minerva was surprised at this last pronouncement. Sirius was not often one to express himself but perhaps this was something that had changed over the summer, along with everything else. Though, when she thought about it, nothing really had changed for the boy it was just her knowledge of him that had changed. That thought did nothing to cheer her mood however.

'You are welcome. Please remember that I am always here to talk should you need it and if you need any help, you know where to find me. Now, I suggest you start reading your textbooks to make sure you do not fall too far behind in your lessons.'

Sirius nodded absently and muttered a thanks at his professor's offer of help.

'And now I really must be getting to my second years. It would not do to arrive after they do.' She stood gracefully and bestowed a kind smile on her student before noticing his very clean breakfast plate. 'And perhaps I could convince Madam Pomfrey to give you some more breakfast before I leave.' She smiled gently which Sirius warily returned gratefully before she pushed aside the curtains and slipped out quietly.

~#~

Remus entered a very busy Great Hall after sprinting to his dormitory and hastily changing his clothes from his unpacked trunk.

He made his way quickly over to James and Peter who were sat in their usual seats near the end of the table. Fortunately for him, Professor McGonagall had not yet gotten to them to hand them their new timetables for the year.

Piling bacon, eggs and beans onto his plate he turned to his friends. 'We need to talk about Sirius.'

James firmly put down his fork, a look of concern plastered across his face. 'How was he? Did you stay with him all night?' His response to Remus' question was so vastly different to how it had been two months previously.

'He's not great. He was putting on a brave face this morning but last night scared me. And yeah, I stayed with him.'

'So what was it?' Peter asked. 'Did Snape curse him or what?'

'No it wasn't Snape. He said it was his parents.'

'What?!' James exclaimed, forgetting to keep his voice quiet. Several heads turned their way suspiciously but looked away when all three boys glared at them fiercely.

'Yeah, apparently they had this massive row – over werewolves of all things – and yeah, he said his dad cursed him. He ran away afterwards, went to his uncle's or something.'

'His parents? But he never said they hurt him. I know he didn't like them but he just said they argued and whatever but never actually hit him or anything.' Peter claimed fearfully.

James looked deeply disturbed at this information, he thought he knew everything about his best friend – former best friend, he reminded himself – but now that he thought about it, Sirius had always been evasive when they talked of family. He'd say as little as he could get away with and leave it at that. And he always moved gingerly after the holidays for a few days too, as if he were in pain.

'They were arguing over werewolves?' James asked, putting the rest of the information to the back of his mind for the meantime.

'Yeah. Said he and his father ran into someone at the WRC at the Ministry. They had some sort of disagreement at the time and then his brother brought it up again at dinner, said he'd heard from someone here that there was a werewolf at Hogwarts-' Here Remus paused, and gave the others a significant look.

'But Sniv' wouldn't have told anyone, Dumbledore'd have him expelled if he did.' James said quietly, remembering that night in the headmaster's office only too clearly. That night had haunted him in his dreams all summer.

'Let's hope so.' Remus murmured. 'Anyway, the whole werewolf thing escalated into an argument which apparently got personal soon after.'

'And what, they- they cursed him?' Peter asked shakily.

'Yeah, then he left. Went to his Uncle Alfie's or whatever.'

'Bloody hell.' James breathed, breakfast ignored.

'We should all go see him later, after dinner.' Remus said adamantly turning back to his breakfast.

Peter nodded slowly but James looked a little reluctant.

'Did he say anything about… you know, _that _night?' The messy haired boy asked, not making eye-contact with his friend instead staring sullenly into his porridge.

'When he realised I was there, he explained himself. Made more sense that what you two said.' The werewolf answered curtly.

'Right, right. And, er… was he sorry? And… did you- did you forgive him?' James seemed as though he wanted to be anywhere but asking these questions of Remus but he had to know. There was no way he could forgive Sirius if he hadn't even attempted to apologise. His feelings for his best friend (_former _best friend) were conflicted. He felt empty without him by his side and the horror he felt at hearing he was abused was unparalleled by anything he'd ever felt. But Sirius had betrayed them, in the worst way possible too. To James, loyalty was everything.

But perhaps there was no harm in hearing Sirius out.

~#~

Sirius was relieved by lunch time. He'd had a rough morning of healing as it turned out his injuries had only gotten worse with time, perhaps an effect of the dark curses.

His relief however, quickly turned to anxiety with the sight of his three former friends walking carefully through the door to the Hospital Wing.

Remus smiled broadly as he approached the boy in the bed before sitting casually by the footboard, back leaning against it and feet spread out on the pristine sheets. His position was not lost on Sirius; Remus was occupying the same space Sirius used to after a full moon.

Peter perched on the edge of the chair wringing his hands nervously. James, apparently too apprehensive to sit, stood two feet from the bed on the opposite side to Remus and Peter.

Sirius' eyes were wide and his mouth popped open in surprise.

'Told you I'd be back later.' Remus commented with a smile.

It took him a while to find his tongue, 'yeah.' He said faintly.

'Hey Padfoot.' James greeted quietly, still not approaching the bed and eyes seemingly unconsciously scouring his former friend for injuries.

Sirius' head swivelled at the noise, clearly not expecting James to talk to him.

'Remus told us what happened. Are you alright?' James' voice still did not rise above a whisper. When Sirius continued to gape in his direction, James continued. 'Why didn't you ever say anything? We could have helped. You could have moved in with me. We could have looked after you. How dare you not tell me? I'm your best friend, I have a right to know.' James' voice had steadily got louder, all his anxiety of the past twenty four hours coming out now that he could see the state of his friend.

Sirius continued to gape.

'Say something dammit!'

Sirius' mouth opened, then closed, then opened again. It seemed absurd that James was even standing anywhere near him, let alone talk to him. What do you say to someone whom you'd betrayed so thoroughly?

Thankfully Remus caught on quickly to Sirius' quandary.

'I told them what happened Pads. And then I told them what you said to me last night.' Sirius' eyes still did not leave James but he nodded slightly.

'And…?' Sirius asked, his voice pained.

'And I want to hear you say the words Sirius. I don't know what to think but I never did find out what really happened. What you really told Snape that night.' Finally James moved closer to the bed, gently perching on its edge and staring intensely at the other dark haired boy.

'I, I.' Sirius' throat was dry and he swallowed painfully.

'I think- I think I told him that he wouldn't be able to get past the Willow if it danced in front of him. I was teasing him. I knocked him out and went to calm down. When I got back he was gone. I guess I just assumed he'd forgotten all about it and gone back to his common room.' Sirius' voice was quiet but pleading, he wanted his friends to understand that he didn't mean what he did, that he'd regretted it every minute since.

'But Snape said you told him explicitly how to get to the Shack?' James asked confused.

'No. I don't think even then I would have told him anything in detail. But as I say, it's all a bit foggy. I was drunk and angry and I can't really remember what happened, but I've got no excuse.' He hung his head, not daring himself to look any of the three boys in the eye waiting for condemnation to pour forth.

'I suppose he _was_ following us around for ages _and_ he'd been hinting that he knew about Remus for even longer. He might have followed us one night and just put two and two together and worked the rest out for himself.' Peter suggested. Being the perceptive one he always picked up on things the other three missed, like the sheer extent of Snape's interest in them.

'I still think Snivellous must be thicker than he looks to willingly walk towards a werewolf during the full moon. I mean, he said he heard Moony growling and still kept walking.' James said incredulously as Remus blanched.

Sirius' heart started to lift, it looked as though they believed what he said.

James caught his hopeful look. For someone who'd always been difficult to read, James was astonished at how open Sirius was being.

'I believe you Pads. I can't believe I never gave you a chance to explain yourself before. I'm sorry.'

Sirius looked away once more but with his friends surrounding his bed it was hard not to make eye contact with any of them. 'You've no need to be sorry Prongs, it was my fault and I shouldn't have let myself get riled. I shouldn't have said anything in the first place.'

'Don't be daft.' Remus said, clearly elated that all his friends were back together again. 'You'd had a really bad day and we all know how you get when your emotions get on top of you.'

Sirius nodded and let out a small smile. He couldn't believe he was forgiven.

James huffed a sigh of relief at the sight and pushed himself more fully onto the bed, accidentally jostling Sirius' still unhealed knee.

With Sirius' quiet groan of pain, James jumped back off the bed worried that he'd done lasting damage. Just as he moved to go and fetch Pomfrey, Sirius gasped, 'no, I'm fine. Don't worry, don't need Pomfrey.'

All three other boys raised their eyebrows in unison.

James carefully eased himself back on the bed, trying to word his next question so that it wouldn't be as accusatory as it sounded in his head.

Unfortunately Sirius had always been able to read his friend like a book.

'Sorry I didn't tell you about all the shit at home Prongs, I didn't want you to worry about me and you know, it's kind of hard to talk about.'

James nodded. 'I get that but I still wish you'd told me. Is what Moony said true then?'

'Having not been with you all day Prongs, I have no idea what Moony told you.' To Sirius' surprise, a gently mocking smile pulled at his lips easily and naturally.

With that smile the remaining tension seemed to lift.

'Did your parents really do this to you?' James answered not quite being able to form the returning smile, mind still full of his best friend's cry of pain earlier.

Sirius nodded slowly, his own smile sliding off his face as his eyes grew dark with recollection.

'Why?' Peter breathed, now leaning back comfortably in his chair.

''Cause they're evil gits?' Sirius replied, trying to lighten the atmosphere again but to no avail. It was second nature to him now to try to force up his cold mask and deflect unwanted questions with humour. Unfortunately for him, the other three boys now saw straight through it like they had never been able to before.

'Padfoot.' James called seriously. 'Why did they really do it?'

The other boy huffed a sigh. 'They just don't like me.' At James' querying eyebrow he continued, 'they don't like that I'm different, that I don't believe the things they do.'

'Like werewolves for instance.' Remus spoke.

'Yeah, like that. And then there's the fact that I don't live up to their carefully laid out expectations.' He said bitterly.

'What d'you mean?' Peter asked timidly, leaning forward in his chair.

'Well, they always wanted me to lead the family when I was old enough. Bring more power and acclaim to the family, you know? And well, Gryffindor doesn't really begin to follow the ideals they had set up for me.'

'Have they always been like this, you know, abusive and stuff?' James asked again.

'Dunno. Before Hogwarts I don't think it was so bad. They'd mostly just shout or maybe be just a bit like _that_ when I'd done something wrong, but you know, that's just purebloods.'

James reluctantly nodded, he had heard from other pureblood families his parents were friendly with that physical punishments were quite common. 'And after you got here?' He prompted.

'Yeah, that's when it started to get bad.' Sirius shifted uncomfortably in his bed, unused to this kind of attention.

'Can I go hurt them Padfoot?' James asked fiercely. Remus nodded too, clearly uncomfortable that his friend had managed to hide this for so long.

Sirius smiled at their concern. 'Don't bother, won't change anything now. I'm not going back.'

'Where are you going to go?' Peter asked, seemingly not as willing to go up against the House of Black as the other two.

'Dunno, probably see if Alphard will have be again.'

'You could always stay at mine. There's plenty of space and Mum and Dad won't mind.' James said softly.

Sirius shifted awkwardly again. 'I don't want to get in the way. I'll stay with my uncle, I'll be alright there.'

'Nope. You're staying with me. I'll write to Mum tomorrow and tell her.' James was suddenly more keen on the idea and clearly wouldn't take no for an answer.

When Sirius continued to look awkward Remus turned to James and said, 'perhaps it would be best if you asked permission first James, rather than just tell her that you're moving your pet dog in.'

Sirius couldn't stop the short bark of laughter that escaped his lips, unfortunately loud enough to alert Madam Pomfrey of the Marauder's presence in the Hospital Wing.

Ushering them out so that they would get to their next lessons on time and she could continue treating her patients in peace, the three Marauders picked up their bags reluctantly.

'We'll come back later Pads, and we'll bring chocolate.' James called over his shoulder.

The broad grin on Sirius' face was enough to convince the matron that perhaps the unwelcome visitors were not the worst thing that could have happened.

~#~

True to his promise, James returned that evening (in actual visiting times too) with Remus and Peter in tow. This behaviour was repeated every night until Sirius was discharged, with frequent midday visits included too, all proving to speed Sirius along with his recovery.

After nine days stuck in the Hospital Wing, Sirius had caved into doing something he had never even considered doing before. He had opened his school books and actually managed to keep up with his classwork. He had never been so bored in his life, he almost enjoyed reading through his textbooks.

So it was with an immense look of joy on the second Thursday of term that Sirius Black was finally checked out of the Hospital Wing with a warning that should he even be seen near a broomstick that Madam Pomfrey would demand his return and keep him in there until Christmas.

~#~

Settling back in to Hogwarts life was much more different this year than previous years. The war was starting to take its toll with deaths of people the Marauders actually knew. The others had tried to catch Sirius up on the students who wouldn't be returning while he was still incarcerated. But sat at the breakfast table on his first day back, Sirius didn't think any amount of information would have prepared him for the subdued nature of the Great Hall.

Before now Sirius had never really paid a great deal of attention to his fellow students outside his own year group but while he was struggling to talk to his own friends (still battling his internal guilt) he found his eyes wandering over the other groups of students. Some more quiet than he had ever imagined, some a few members short. The assessment didn't help the dark and gloomy feeling that resided in his gut.

Despite his internal musings, Sirius tried to keep up the happy conversation that thrummed through his group of friends. Even through his lessons Sirius tried his hardest to act the way he always used to when sat beside the other Marauders. His interactions still felt so much harder when he couldn't shake off his guilty feeling that came with betraying his friends. Especially when he looked at Remus, the friend who had been the most ready to forgive him.

James had naively thought that now everything was out in the open that things would go back to normal. He'd always had a very basic and innocent view of the world, he'd always assumed that if things felt a certain way to him then they'd feel the same way to everyone else. What he didn't expect was for his best friend to still be slightly gloomy and withdrawn, despite his best efforts.

He had thought through everything that might be maintaining his best friend's depressed mood and after discarding the idea that it might be caused by his persistent injuries, jumped to the conclusion that Sirius was annoyed that James had shouted at him and not given him the chance to explain himself properly after what they now publicly referred to as the Willow Incident.

At dinner that night James was sat beside his friend who was studiously paying attention to what he was eating. Fed up with the subdued atmosphere, he finally decided it was down to him to change things.

'Hey Sirius? I'm sorry I didn't let you explain before, you know after the Willow incident. I shouldn't've gone off on you like that.' James made sure to keep his voice low.

Sirius looked up startled and just a little bit confused. 'Er, don't worry about it mate. I understand why you did it. I don't blame you.'

James smiled brightly. 'Thanks Pads. Anyway, did you hear the Bats-Arrows score from the other night?'

After replying in the negative, Sirius found himself distracted with a play-by-play analysis by a rather impressed with himself James.

The rest of the evening passed in a whirl for Sirius. It seemed as though his friends were trying to keep him busy by including him in all their conversations and games of chess and exploding snap. While not entirely sure why they were occupying their friend's mind, all three other Marauders noticed Sirius' improved mood when he was busy.

Therefore it wasn't until Sirius was wrapped up in his four poster bed that he really had a chance to think. With one thing and another he hadn't really had time to himself just to think over what had happened to him since the night before he left home. Now that he was out of hospital and nothing was hurting so much he couldn't concentrate, Sirius found his mind full of recent events.

He was over the moon that he had his friends back in his life, he had been _so _sure that they had permanently abandoned him after what he'd done. _And _they seemed to think all was forgiven. But it couldn't be really, he reasoned with himself. Nobody could forgive someone for almost getting them executed for almost killing another student. Nobody could forgive a complete and total betrayal and disregard of all bonds of friendship. Therefore, Sirius figured, they must just be being nice to him out of sympathy for his injuries. Everything'd go back to normal as soon as he was healed and back to normal.

Despite these musings, Sirius' thoughts on his friends were still fairly light-hearted. As he rolled over he even had a smile on his face. Pleased for once to be sleeping in comfort in a warm bed, with the snores of his three best friends serenading him to sleep.

Unburdened by the lack of sleeping potion and limited pain, Sirius began to dream for the first time in a month.

~#~

_He was soaring through the sky, wind whipping his hair back and across his eyes. He had his beater's bat in his right hand and he watched the game unfold around him, keeping an eye on the bludgers and the other beaters. _

_Ravenclaw retrieved the quaffle just as a bludger angled itself vaguely towards Sirius. He adjusted, bat at the ready, preparing to knock that chaser sideways. _

_But he'd misjudged the bludger's angle. Instead of hitting his bat it collided with his chest and threw him from his broom. Luckily he was close to the ground and his landing wasn't particularly hard._

_But he must have hit his head harder than he thought because soon the scene in front of him was swimming, changing, the colours were running and fading. His ears were screaming, at first with the rush of air as he fell but then with the sound of a woman screaming his name._

_When Sirius' eyes cleared up he realised he was on his Aunt Lucretia's grounds. It was his mother calling his name as he lay in the foetal position on the rolling lawns. She called his name over and over sounding far more scared that he ever remembered her sounding. He tried to move and he noticed his body was much smaller than he was used to, no older than four or five._

'_Sirius! Sirius are you well? Oh, dear. Orion! Orion he fell from his broom! Look at his arm, is he going to be okay?' His mother's hands touched him gently, probing him, seeing that he was well._

_Sirius groaned._

_Another set of hands gently reached under his tiny frame and lifted him carefully into the air. His father's voice reached him slowly, gently reassuring him that he was going to be okay, that he hadn't fallen far and that they'd have his arm mended in no time._

_As he buried his head into the other man's robes the sounds and sights of the memory drifted away._

_He was standing now. A little taller than before but not by much. Orion Black was knelt in front of him, hand rested gently on his shoulder, grey eyes looking deep into his own._

'_I am proud of you Sirius. You behaved immaculately tonight and our guests were very impressed with your decorum. You will do us proud son, I am sure of it.'_

_He felt a hand ruffle his hair gently before the scene changed again._

'_Hurry up Reggie!' He shouted at the smaller boy ahead of him. 'She'll catch us.' Between gasps for breath small giggles floated into the air, echoing those of the other boy as he stumbled and rolled gently onto the floor. Sirius fell down onto the grass next to him._

'_Sirius, why is Bella so mad with us? We only put a little slime in her dress.' The little boy giggled again and Sirius felt his lips pull up into a wide grin._

'_Dunno Reg. I think she's gone mad. You know, like Grandmother Hesper did, you remember?' He answered knowledgably though his voice was higher than what he'd gotten used to._

'_Really?' Regulus asked, wide-eyed with wonder._

'_Yeah, it's a family curse. Some of us go insane and start doing bad things like hurting people.'_

'_I hope I never go mad Sirius. I never want to hurt people like Bella does.'_

_The vision of his little brother morphed, grew taller and older looking before his mouth opened once more._

'_So what if I'm joining him, he's got the right idea, purifying the world of the scum that have taken over.'_

_~#~_

Sirius' eyes snapped open and he slumped onto his back, heart racing. He reached under his pillow for his wand and cast a quick time charm, it was half past three.

The series of dreams had left him with an aching in his chest as he realised just how much his life had changed in the past few years. He used to be happy in his family before Hogwarts; his mother cared about him, his father was proud of him and he had a little brother who looked up to him with wide, innocent eyes.

So much had changed and not just because he was sorted into Gryffindor. Even after, Orion had held out hope that his firstborn would continue to uphold the family name. Regulus still talked to him that first year and even part of the second too. But it wasn't just the others that had changed. Sirius wasn't stupid enough to think that. He'd changed just as much, if not more, than the rest of them. It hadn't taken him forever to realise that the world he grew up in was wrong and he had changed with his new beliefs. So it shouldn't have surprised him as much as it did when he quickly grew apart from his relatives.

It didn't surprise him now when he thought about it. But that didn't stop it from hurting. The ache in his chest didn't disappear. It was longing, longing for the family that he would never have again, that would only be a distant memory in the dark recesses of his mind.

Sirius didn't sleep again that night. Every time he went to close his eyes a new memory would burst free from where it had locked itself. Old memories of times gone by where things weren't so dark and his feelings hadn't yet completely changed.

~#~

When he heard his dorm mates begin to rise later that morning, Sirius decided it was time to move. Reaching up to push aside his curtains he feigned a yawn and began the pretence of having just had a good night's sleep.

It didn't go amiss that Sirius was grumpier than he had been the day before, nor that there were slight bags under his eyes that hadn't previously been there. However, by unspoken rule, not a word was mentioned about it and the day continued as normally as possible.

James continued trying to drag Sirius into conversation while Sirius was trying to ascertain whether or not he was truly wanted amongst his friends. As the day wore on, Sirius' mood steadily turned further south. Lack of sleep had always made him grumpy and now was no different, but combined with his feeling of detachment from his friends Sirius' lack of sleep started to allow a small distance to begin to form within the friends again.

Only after the third straight sleepless night and an increasingly quiet and reserved Padfoot did the other Marauders started to notice.

Sirius had just gone up to the dormitory to retrieve his Muggle Studies textbook when Remus turned and leaned in towards the other two.

'He's not right.'

'No.' James replied. 'I thought he was angry at me for not giving him a chance to apologise and explain, you know, before. But every time I mention it he tells me to shut up and that it doesn't matter. It must really be bothering him.'

Peter looked at James curiously. 'I don't think it's that Prongs. I don't think he cares about that at all. I think he still feels guilty.'

'Yeah, like he feels he doesn't really belong with us because of what he did.' Remus replied nodding. James still looked confused. 'He's always trying to remove himself from conversations. I asked his opinion in Potions this morning and he just told me that the textbook would be able to tell me better. It's like he doesn't think he's worth anything.'

'Then what do we do to make it right? To let him know he's just as much a Marauder as before all this shit happened?'

'I dunno James. But there's got to be something.' Remus answered just as Sirius stumped back down the boys' staircase and re-joined them at their table by the fire.

'What'd I miss?' Sirius asked, thumping his textbook down in front of him.

'Not much. We were just thinking up something we could do, we can't do homework forever.' Remus said, the better liar of the three.

'Yeah? Huh, feel like all I've been doing is school work, sounds like a good idea to me. How far did your thinking get?'

'Uh, not far.' James mumbled into his parchment, not trusting himself to look his friend in the eye knowing that he'd be able to tell that they'd been talking about him if he did.

'Hey, we've not done a prank in ages.' Peter said, a little too loudly. All four boys automatically turned to make sure no one overheard. 'Sorry. But we've not done anything since… well, since Easter.'

'Yeah.' James' eyes lit up. 'We should prank the whole school to make sure they've not forgotten about us.'

'Then we'd best think of something to do in the Great Hall, else we won't be able to get everyone together for it.' Sirius pushed aside the parchment on the table, fully engaged in a conversation for the first time. Any time Sirius had started to get distant with his friends in the past, a prank had always been a good way to get him to re-engage.

'Nothing too big or dangerous though.' Remus said quietly. It was always he who had to reign in the pranks before they got too bad though sometimes the others just ignored him, too caught up in their plans. Surprisingly though, Sirius nodded his agreement.

'So what do we do then, charm the floor to look like water again?' Peter asked.

'Nah, we've already done that, there's no fun in doing the same thing twice.'

'Hey, perhaps we could mess with the food. Nothing serious.' Sirius grinned a little, looking at Remus to pacify him a little. 'Put charms on the food that makes everyone do weird stuff.'

'That sounds cool. We could put colour change charms on them-' James started, getting excited.

'So that people's skin changes to their house colour.' James' and Sirius' eyes met and they shared a grin.

'Just one charm, or should we do more?' Remus asked. 'Just one would seem a bit dull. We can do better than that.'

'Loads of different charms, with timing spells so they don't all go off at once!' Peter exclaimed.

'So what spells do we know that we can use?'

'Colour charms are easy enough, we can specialise them to different parts, like hair, skin, clothes.'

'That glitter charm we used on the Slytherin common room last year.'

'I just about remember the singing jinx we looked up in second year, we could use that.'

'What about the jelly legs-hex?'

'Hmm maybe, but people probably won't be walking anywhere while they're eating.'

'What about a vanishing charm then, every time they go to eat something it disappears?'

'Yeah, that sounds cool.'

The four friends continued mapping out the spells they wanted to use for another hour before deciding that for their prank to be successful, they would have to include some spells they had never used before. This thought led the boys to the library, a rare sight if ever there was one. The other students started to get nervous.

They split up so as to avoid detection by the librarian. Remus was sent to look up a time activation spell so the boys wouldn't have to do all the casting at once. Sirius was looking up ways to get colour changing charms to be specific to certain body parts. James was investigating if it were possible to make certain spells target specific people. And Peter was searching for other spells they hadn't discovered before that might be useful for their prank.

At ten o'clock the four were kicked out of the library for being out after curfew. However, none left without a long list of spells they could practice and use for their prank.

The hours before bed were spent fine tuning how and when they were going to prank the school. It was decided that dinner would be best as almost all student were in the Great Hall at similar times. They also decided, just before shutting their bed curtains, that they wouldn't attempt their prank until they were sure they could pull it off.

Sirius shut his curtains and lay back on his bed feeling a smile creep onto his face. That night was the first in many in which he didn't dream.

~#~

It was the following Friday, four days later, when they were finally ready for their prank. Their spells were practiced and they'd sweet-talked the house elves into letting them mess with their carefully prepared food.

They'd also decided that it would be less suspicious if none of them were present in the Great Hall when the chaos started otherwise they'd be the only people in the room not eating for fear of being targeted by the food.

Thus it was, at six o'clock that evening that the Marauders were gathered by the Teachers' Entrance, each staring through the small crack between the door and the frame.

'Thirty seconds to go before the fun starts.' James murmured, watching his classmates happily tuck in to their dinner, blissfully ignorant of what was about to happen.

It was a subtle plan really and no one noticed it happening at first.

The first spells to activate were the quieter ones. Food disappeared off forks, peas avoided spoons, gravy turned to water and potatoes transformed into sprouts.

After three minutes of mild confusion, broken giggles began to echo around the room as students noticed their friends' hair changing colour, the robes turning glittery, and their skin going green. Soon the Gryffindors were wearing yellow, the Slytherins were wearing red, the Hufflepuffs blue and the Ravenclaws green.

Then the havoc kicked up a notch.

A Slytherin opened her mouth to complain at her head of house about her sparkly orange hair when all her words came out like Celestina Warbeck. Every other house broke out into laughter, though some were talking to their friends in rhyme.

Soon various students and teachers alike were growing animal appendages. Snape had snail eyes sticking out of his forehead, Amethyst Kelsall of Ravenclaw had an eagle's beak while several other students were now the owners of tails. Professor Flitwick alone looked happy with his transformation, now sporting an elongated neck like a giraffe he could finally see to the back of the Great Hall.

All four Marauders fell apart laughing at the sight before them. Yes they had pulled better pranks but never on this scale before.

However, unfortunately for the boys they had forgotten to ensure all the teachers were in the Great Hall before setting up camp in the Teachers' Entrance.

There was a quiet clearing of a throat behind the boys causing their laughter to sober instantly.

Standing before them, eyebrows raised was Professor Dumbledore. Hearing the shrieks behind him, the headmaster ushered them all aside so that he could assess the chaos.

Thrusting open the door it took him only twenty seconds to get the gist of their prank. Spinning back round on his heel to face them, Dumbledore's face was serious though his eyes were not. The boys shuffled their feet, not sure whether they should start making up excuses yet.

'I take it you four are the cause of this disruption?' He beckoned at the now wide open door behind him.

The Marauders exchanged glances. They all made a point not to look through the door as they knew they would only start laughing again.

'I do hope you are aware that tampering with meals is against the school rules. Not to mention that you would have had to gain access to the kitchens which is also prohibited?'

James elbowed Sirius sharply in the ribs, it was their age old way of communicating when they were in trouble, and usually it meant something along the lines of: "Sirius, you're the best liar, hurry up and get us out of this."

Warmth surged in Sirius' chest with the painful dig in the ribs. His friends needed him now. They needed his ability to charm and talk himself out of trouble like the rest of them could not.

Clearing his throat, Sirius took a small step forward, raised his head and looked directly into his headmaster's eyes.

'Well Sir, we just so happened to be exploring the castle before heading to dinner and just happened across this passageway when we heard the commotion beyond that door. Intrigued we looked through it and noticed the excellent work of some of the school's pranksters. I was just about to mention to James here how we should have thought of doing something like this. Though I am flattered that you would think that we were responsible.' When attempting to charm his way out of trouble Sirius had always found himself speaking far more eloquently, almost in a way his mother would be proud of if not for the situation.

Dumbledore's eyes sparkled. 'Is that so?'

'Yes Sir!' Peter piped up from his position slightly behind his other friends.

'Well in that case, perhaps you might be able to lend me your expert opinion on when this carnage might ease?'

They boys were now starting to get the impression that Dumbledore might let them off for their fun.

Remus stepped forward so that he was now level with Sirius. 'If it had been us Sir, we'd have made sure the spells wore off eventually.'

'And how long is eventually?'

'Another couple of minutes perhaps Sir.' Remus answered trying hard to conceal his grin.

'Very well. In which case I shall take my seat and await the end. I suggest you four do the same.' With that, he turned once more on his heel and strode through into the Great Hall.

The boys collapsed together with laughter once more.

'I can't believe we got away with that.' James breathed, clapping Sirius on the back in congratulations.

'We should move before McGonagall or someone tries to come through this way.' Remus said once they'd all regained their composure.

'A bit late for that I think Mr Lupin.' Called a stern voice from the doorway.

All four boys spun around so quickly they almost fell to the floor again.

James gulped. Dumbledore had let them off the hook, but there was no chance that McGonagall was going to do the same.

'I am to believe that this spellwork is your doing?'

None of the teens even blinked in reply. They were all equally glad the effects of the spells wore off in time too, they couldn't imagine talking to their head of year without breaking into laughter if she were still sporting furry cat ears.

'Very clever of you to start the subtle spells first. And your charms and transfiguration work it clearly very advanced for your age.'

The Marauders stared at her, eyes as wide as dinner plates. She was supposed to be disciplining them not commending them on their ability.

'It is good to see you all back to normal.' She commented before sweeping past them with a smile and heading back to her office.

It was a while before any of the boys could regain the ability to speak.

'Did that really just happen or did I imagine it?' Sirius asked faintly.

'I heard it too.' Remus said, just as faint.

'Can we leave before any more weird shit happens?' James said not waiting for a reply before stumbling back down the corridor.

The other three quickly followed, still giggling as they chased after their friend. Sirius had not felt so comfortable amongst his friends since before the Willow Incident.

~#~

As the next few days wore on, the boys were surprised to discover that there really were no repercussions from their prank, despite being caught twice!

Most of the spells wore off as they said they would though those inflicted with the voice charms took the rest of the night and Snape and Narcissa had to go and see Madam Pomfrey to have their animal appendages removed.

Revelling in their good luck, the Marauders launched back into their usual behaviour without a thought to what had happened between them. Sirius had almost entirely left behind his memories of home with only the occasional bad dream that he was now helped out of by his friends. He was quickly returning to the wild and rambunctious teenager that he had been this time the previous year.

James had received a reply from his parents saying that 'of course Sirius could live with them from now on.' And that 'under no uncertain terms was he to stay at Hogwarts for Christmas' and they 'will be gladly greeting him off the train with joy in time for their annual family get-together.'

While James blew raspberries at Remus in an 'I told you so' manner while Sirius' heart warmed at the words knowing that he was unconditionally accepted somewhere by people who barely knew him.

~#~

Three days before his seventeenth birthday, the 24th of September, Sirius was sat at the breakfast table a little bleary-eyed as he tried to engage with the waking world before his lessons started.

Peter had just received a care package of sweets from his mother and was in the process of passing it round when a late owl swooped through the upper windows of the Great Hall.

The deep black feathers caught the eye teachers and students alike, all of their eyes following its progress, wondering where on earth it was going to land. The teachers looked on with apprehension, most having a fair idea as to what that owl signified in this age of war. The Slytherins looked at one another expectantly when it became known that the owl was not a small Ministry sooty owl come to deliver news of another attack.

The owl finished its loop of the hall ensuring that every inhabitant had noticed its arrival. It sunk into a dive above the Gryffindor table before clapping Sirius sharply on the head with its wing and dropping a short note onto his plate. The now vaguely familiar owl came to land just in front of him, staring intently with its large red eyes.

Sirius looked down at the note, comprehension slowly dawning on him as he slowly opened the letter, sure that this would be the final of final demands from Voldemort himself.

Sure enough the letter contained only a few short words:

_Your time has elapsed. Time to choose your side.  
Lord Voldemort._

Sirius' eyes flitted over the Slytherin table seeking out his younger brother. He was sat between MacNair and Dolohov, across from Evan Rosier – all guaranteed to join the Dark Lord as soon as they could. Sirius' mind jumped back to his last night at Grimmauld Place when Regulus had practically announced his desire to join the Dark Lord. There was no point in Sirius joining Voldemort to protect his younger brother when Regulus would only join him as soon as he could.

The only real leverage Voldemort had on Sirius was empty. Sirius' decision was easy in the end.

Sirius had been so engrossed in his thoughts and actions that he had not noticed the rest of his housemates staring at him. Looking up, his eyes met James' whose eyebrows had knitted in confusion. The expression was so absurd that Sirius could not help the bubble of laughter the erupted from his lips. Soon enough the rest of the house table had gone back to minding their own breakfast and the rest of the school returned to their previous conversations.

'Oi Moony! Can I borrow that quill?' Remus had previously been going over his homework before turning it in first period.

'Sure?' Remus answered, passing his ink-filled quill to his still clearly happy friend.

Sirius wrote only two words on the back of the short letter:

_Get stuffed._

Returning the quill with another laugh, Sirius attached the note to the large black owl's leg and watched as it beat its wings fiercely and took flight once more.

'What was that all about?' James asked, still wearing the same peculiar expression as earlier.

'Nothing Prongs. Just some prat asking for my help. Pass the bacon.' And with that the confusion melted off the raven haired boy's face to be replaced with the same laughter as his friend. James didn't understand the true meaning of his friend's words and he never would, but at that moment he saw his best friend laughing with him and was just glad that he had him back. Soon all four boys were joined together in their laughter though none truly knew what they were laughing over.

None of them noticed the twinkling gaze of their headmaster who watched on with growing pride at the boy who had finally completely defied his family.

~#~

_And that's the official end._

_I apologise endlessly the excuses are as follows: exams, travelling for a month, writer's block, laziness – you get the gist._

_In apology I present to you a super-duper long chapter AND, if you're really lucky, there'll even be an epilogue in it for you. (I promise it'll be written in the course of this bank holiday weekend – if you don't have a bank holiday this weekend then it'll be posted by Monday). I promise._

_Thanks for sticking with me for so long you all mean the world to me. Please review and let me know what you think even if you didn't like it. _


	9. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Christmas dawned at Hogwarts all of a sudden. The entire school population had been so preoccupied with their studies and frantically leafing through the _Prophet_ every morning in the hope that they wouldn't read a name they recognised that they hadn't really noticed the time of year. Then all of a sudden the weather had turned. Instead of rain pouring in droves it was now flurries of snow falling out of the sky.

The last week of term had sent a chill of happiness down everyone's spine, students and teachers alike. With the gloom of the year so far, they all deserved what little joy they could get and Christmas promised to do just that.

With snow on the ground and Hagrid putting up the Christmas trees it was hard to escape the holiday feeling, even if it did start off a little forced. As December had dawned the teachers had seen fit to encourage their students to look forward to Christmas and carols had echoed through the halls of the school. But after a week of enforced cheer the emotion turned genuine as the snow began to lay and the end of term dawned.

James Potter was particularly looking forward to the school holiday. He told everyone who would listen that his best friend would be spending Christmas with _his _family this year and that Sirius Black would be moving into _his_ house to stay forever.

Sirius always smiled politely when this particular conversation arose. Despite constant reassurances by James and James' parents themselves, Sirius still felt uncomfortable with the whole arrangement. He didn't like the idea that he would be imposing on his favourite family at this celebrated time of year. He knew the Potters always made a big deal out of Christmas and that it was a big family affair. Thus, Sirius didn't think that it would be right for him to intrude when he wasn't part of the family.

The teen was still in two minds until he received a letter addressed directly to him and signed by Dorea Potter herself. It stated, in no uncertain terms, was he to remain at Hogwarts. And that he shouldn't feel out of place because he was now as much family as James was and had been since he had first spent a couple of weeks at their home the summer of second year.

Sirius' heart had warmed at the words and he couldn't bring himself to inform her that he wouldn't be joining them, especially when she said she had already made up and decorated a room for him to live in from now on.

So there he was, the Saturday after term had finished, stood with the majority of the school facing the scarlet steam engine that would bring them back to their families. For the first time in his life, the view from Hogsmeade Station was not a depressing one for Sirius. The train would not be taking him back to the harsh and violent world of his family, instead he would be going to James', to people who wanted him there enough to write to him.

The conversation between the Marauders did not dwindle the way it usually did as the train ride wore on. Despite his nervousness, Sirius did not recede into his mind as he was so used to doing as they pulled up at King's Cross station.

The four boys said their goodbyes before exiting the train so they wouldn't be interrupted by people pushing past them.

'Have a good Christmas guys.' Remus said, grabbing on to his trunk and beginning to haul it through the door. He was looking forward to this Christmas more knowing that the month's full moon was over and done with.

'Yeah, you too. Stay in touch.' Peter said, following his friend through the door.

Once they were alone, James turned to his friend and noticed his rather strained smile. 'Oh don't worry Padfoot. You've been to mine before. You know my parents like you.'

'I know but it's different knowing that I'm going to stay there.'

'How does it?'

'It just does alright. Now are we going or not?' Sirius just wanted the whole awkwardness over and done with. He had soon dragged his trunk off the train and was scanning the crowd for Mr and Mrs Potter with James huffing along at his heels.

James soon spotted his parents stood at the fair end of the platform, near to the queue for the exit. He quickly overtook Sirius in his urgency to greet his parents. With the war in the stage that it was, nobody was ever too sure if they'd see their loved ones again.

Sirius' pace had slowed as he neared the Potters. James was still hugging his mother and Sirius didn't want to get in the way. Unfortunately for him, Charlus Potter had already hugged his son and had noticed his other houseguest standing off to the side.

'Sirius! What're you doing over there?'

He didn't have the chance to even open his mouth before he was clapped on the back and pushed into the small circle of family. Mrs Potter gently pushed James to the side so that she could hug Sirius just as lovingly.

'You ready to go home lad?' Mr Potter asked Sirius causing Sirius' eyebrows to furrow slightly before a small smile spread across his lips when he understood the meaning behind the man's words.

Soon the greetings were over and the Potters plus Sirius apparated to the Potter manor in Berkshire. There were anti-apparition wards over the lands so the group had to walk from the main road, levitating the trunks ahead of them (James had to get his father to levitate his trunk as he'd not yet turned seventeen).

As soon as they were through the door, Mrs Potter grabbed Sirius' arm and tried to drag him up the stairs, causing his trunk to drop heavily to the floor.

'Calm down Dorea. He's here for two weeks I'm sure he'll see his room soon enough.' Mr Potter chuckled.

'Oh Sirius. I just want to know that it's okay for you.'

'I'm sure it'll be fine Mrs Potter.' Sirius answered a little awkwardly. It felt off for someone to pay this much attention to him, especially when it was positive attention.

'At least come and drop your trunk off before dinner. I want you to be comfortable here and know that you're loved.' Dorea still hadn't let go of his arm.

Sirius studied his shoes intently feeling his cheeks heat up. This was worse than he had expected. It was not rejection he had feared when moving in with the Potters, it was that they'd try to compensate for the family that they now knew he had come from.

Quickly understanding Sirius' predicament, Charlus Potter laid a hand on his wife's arm – the one still clinging onto Sirius – and turned to his son's best friend.

'How about you two go outside and fly for a bit before dinner, you don't have to unpack just yet. Feel free to leave your bags here, I'll get Totsy to take them upstairs.'

James smiled broadly at his father. 'Good idea Dad. Come on Sirius, you can use one of the brooms in the shed instead of fishing yours out of your bag.' James had felt awkward watching his mother accost his friend. He knew it made Sirius uncomfortable but he couldn't very well tell his own mother to leave him alone.

The two boys rushed through the house and out the back door, both equally glad to be out of that difficult situation.

Back in the hallway, the Potter matriarch was curled up against her husband's chest as he wrapped his arm around her.

'You don't need to coddle him you know. He's a good kid, he knows we want him here.' Charlus said softly.

'I just feel so bad. All those times he was in this house and I never thought he was in danger. Oh Charlus, did you see that scar on his face? To think that parents can do that to their own child!' Dorea was very close to tears now.

'I know dear. But he knows he doesn't have to go back. I made sure James stressed the point. But obsessing over him will only make him feel awkward. Let the lad take it at his own pace.'

Mrs Potter wiped her eyes before pulling back from the hug and pecking her husband on the lips. He gave her a small smile and gently pushed her in the direction of the living room.

'Best you go and rest up before dinner. I'll go and make sure everything is on track.'

~#~

Sirius opened the door to his new bedroom cautiously. He had made sure he was alone and that Mrs Potter was preoccupied two floors away, James was in the shower and he had waited until he heard the water turn on. He didn't want an audience for this.

The room beyond the door was slightly larger than he had expected. The spare rooms on the top floor were smaller than those occupied by the Potter family on the floor below. However, this room was large enough for a four-poster bed, wardrobe, desk and en-suite bathroom. The walls were painted beige while the carpet and all the furnishings were a deep red.

It was everything his room at Grimmauld Place wasn't. This room was warm, carefully designed to let in the light and filled with soft furnishings. He liked it as soon as saw it. He sat carefully on the edge of the bed, looking around.

A small photo frame caught his eye, in it was a picture a year or two old. He and James had painted faces; Sirius was yellow and black for his team the Wimbourne Wasps, James was light blue with a dark blue T across his face representing the Tornados. Mr Potter was in pale blue robes matching his son's face and was arm in arm with a neutrally dressed Mrs Potter. Sirius remembered that day. It had been his first professional quidditch match and his first 'family' day out with the Potters. He didn't know that a picture of that day existed.

A single, happy tear rolled down his face.

Standing suddenly, Sirius quickly showered and dressed. He hurried downstairs, ignoring James' room and kept going until he got to the ground floor.

He located Mrs Potter in the living room, staring at pictures on the mantelpiece, there was no one else in the room. He shuffled over quietly until he was stood next to her.

'Mrs Potter?' He said quietly.

She spun around, almost dropping the photo in her hands in her haste, 'Sirius?'

'Thank you.' The teen mumbled before wrapping his arms around Dorea's waist and hugged her gently. She ruffled his hair affectionately before hugging him back and pulling away.

'We just want you to feel at home dear. After what James told us about you feeling awkward spending Christmas here, we wanted to make sure you knew that you are family.' She gestured towards the pictures she had previously been occupied with. 'You're in as many of these pictures as James is.'

Sirius stared. He'd had no idea the Potters thought of him as family, let alone that they had kept pictures from the times he'd spent at their house.

The moment was broken when the living room door was thrown open by a wet haired James.

'Sirius, there you are. I was looking for you. What are you doing down here?'

'What, I'm not allowed to roam about my own home?' Sirius grinned at James who grinned broadly back before the two sat side by side on the sofa.

'James, be a dear at go and dry your hair properly, you'll catch a cold.' Mrs Potter admonished gently. Sirius snorted in laughter.

'Yeah, Prongs. Be a deer.' He couldn't stop laughing. When James through a cushion at him before standing, Sirius' only reply was to wiggle his hands above his head in imitation of antlers. James huffed and left the room.

Still chuckling to himself, Sirius looked back at Mrs Potter who was looking at him strangely almost as if she thought he had gone insane.

'It was a er… transfiguration accident. Er, James accidentally sprouted antlers.' Sirius' usually fluid lying was interrupted both by his giggles and a sudden inability to lie to the woman who had given him a home.

'Right… Anyway, I think dinner should be nearly ready.'

~#~

Christmas day dawned slowly and darkly on account of the rain pouring past the window. James had risen as soon as the clock chimed seven o'clock and was soon clambering up the stairs to Sirius' room. He didn't even bothering knocking on the door before barging in and diving onto the sleeping form of his friend.

Sirius groaned into his pillow.

'Come on Pads. Get up, it's Christmas!' James shouted into his ear.

'Yeah and it'll still be Christmas in a few hours. Piss of and let me sleep Prongs.' Sirius grabbed the second pillow and covered his head.

Not put out the slightest, James bounced off the bed, seized the quilt covers and yanked them off the bed. Sirius squeaked as the cold hit his bare skin and curled up into a ball. James grabbed his ankle and pulled him off the bed.

Sirius sat up from the floor with a glare on his face.

'Come _on _Padfoot.'

'Fine.' Sirius huffed before grabbing a pair of old jeans and loose jumper. Unlike James, Sirius slept only in his underwear and he didn't think Mrs Potter would appreciate him sitting in their living room barely dressed.

Within five minutes James had managed to rouse both his parents and gathered the entire household in the front room.

Sirius was still rubbing sleep out of his eyes when the Wireless was turned on and James threw his first present at him.

After James had ensured the bottom of the Christmas tree was cleared he sat back next to his own pile and threw off the wrapping paper of the first one he picked up. It was a new pair of Quidditch gloves from a vaguely distant uncle.

Just as he reached for another present he was stopped by a gentle cough from his mother.

'Seeing as you're no longer the only child in the house James, I thought we should do this properly this year. Rather than just watching you open your presents all at once.'

James looked vaguely surprised but looked over to Sirius expectantly.

'Actually, James is the only child in the house Mrs Potter.'

James threw his wrapping paper at the other boy. 'It's my birthday in a couple of months! We'll see who's laughing then.' Mr Potter chuckled. 'Just open your bloody presents.'

'_James_.' Mrs Potter admonished. 'Language.'

'Sorry mum.'

Sirius didn't know where to start. It looked like he had more presents than normal this year. Deciding he'd just start at the top, he picked up a light, elongated present from James. He unwrapped it carefully to find that it was a poster. He unrolled it before chuckling at what he saw. It was a detailed poster of the current Holyhead Harpies team.

'Thanks James.' He said, grinning.

'But I thought you supported the Wasps?' Mrs Potter said, confused.

'That's not why he wants the poster dear.' Mr Potter answered, winking at Sirius.

'What? _Oh_. Sirius!' The boys all laughed gently at her indignation.

The unwrapping continued with Sirius receiving a new chess set and board, a photo album, a set of eagle quills, a dark blue jumper, a camera, a ticket to the final of the Quidditch league on the 29th of this month and a bumper box of sweets from Honeydukes from Mr and Mrs Potter.

He looked at them astounded. Every year previous the Potters had only gifted him one present and the Honeydukes box.

'We knew there were things you couldn't salvage before you left home so we thought we'd help out.' Mr Potter said by way of explanation.

Sirius continued to gape.

'You're family now dear.' Mrs Potter said, as though that explained everything. 'You get treated the same way James does.'

'Th- thank you.' Sirius stammered still a little wide-eyed.

'Don't worry about it lad.' Charlus said, grinning at the boy's reaction.

Sirius also received Adorjan Conlido's biography (a world famous beater) from Remus; Honeydukes chocolate from Peter; a book on defence techniques and a pair of quidditch gloves from his Uncle Alphard; and a deck of Exploding Snap with a long letter containing pictures of baby Nymphadora from his cousin.

It was the most presents he had ever received in one sitting. It didn't even bother him that only two family members had bothered to give him anything.

Mrs Potter gushed over her present from Sirius: a beautiful silver necklace with a small willow tree dangling from it. Sirius quickly found himself wrapped up in a tight hug.

When Sirius could breathe again he was clapped on the back by Charlus Potter in thanks for his embossed ink holder.

The rest of the morning passed pleasantly though James and Sirius did have a wrapping paper fight when James gloated at his team beating Sirius' the previous evening.

Sirius discovered that the Potter house elf also liked to pull out the stops at Christmas. There was enough food to fill the entire dining table (which wasn't even close to being described as small), not to mention three different desserts.

Thus it was, by the time dinner had finished Sirius was slumped back in his chair contentedly listening to the conversation around him, trying to ease the waistband of his jeans. He'd also discovered that the Potters didn't like to make Christmas a formal event, Sirius had been encouraged to dress comfortably that day which made a change to the formal dress robes he used to be forced to wear.

~#~

Sirius was sat at the breakfast bar in the kitchen watching Mrs Potter bustling around baking cinnamon biscuits the following day. Sirius, having come from an old pureblood family, was still a little perplexed by the idea that a pureblood woman would want to do anything such as baking when there was a house elf to do that sort of thing for her. But he found he liked the idea, especially when said biscuits tasted better than elf-made ones.

Mrs Potter passed him a slightly floury butterbeer as she continued rambling to him about her old friends from St. Mungo's that she was meeting up with the following day.

Just then, Mr Potter entered the kitchen through the back door, shaking his hair free of rain water.

'Post's here. For some reason the owl went to me instead of you seeing this is all yours except for one.' He said, pecking his wife in the lips before sitting beside Sirius with his own butterbeer.

'Thank you. Where's James?' Dorea asked, wiping her hands on a dish cloth to clear it of flour.

'He's upstairs writing a letter to some girl or another who doesn't want to talk to him.' Sirius snorted into his bottle. That could only be Lily Evans.

'Oh that reminds me, I got you two boys a post-Christmas present. Well, maybe it's a pre-New Year present.' Mrs Potter passed Sirius one of the two packages Mr Potter had brought in.

Sirius took off the brown paper packaging curiously. It was a small bottle of Oakridge's cologne. He looked up with raised eyebrows, wondering why on earth Mrs Potter had thought to buy him cologne, especially expensive cologne.

'I know you don't usually wear cologne but I quite liked the smell of that one and Charlus has his favourites already.'

'I'm not sure that was a good idea darling, all it'll do is attract the opposite sex and I'm sure Sirius doesn't need any more help with the ladies. From what I hear, he needs more help fending them off.' Charlus chuckled nudging Sirius with his elbow.

'Charlus! You should not encourage that sort of behaviour. I know Sirius has a bit of a reputation but he needs to learn that girls don't exist solely for his pleasure.' Mrs Potter cuffed her husband on the ear.

Sirius looked down at his bottle awkwardly. He'd never been scolded for the behaviour in itself before, only his choice in girl. In fact his father had practically encouraged the whole thing, providing of course, they were at least half-blood girls.

'Sorry Mrs Potter. I don't mean anything bad by it and I try not to be disrespectful. It's just nice to be told that someone loves you.' Sirius said quietly not making eye contact.

Instantly Dorea Potter regretted her words and seized her practically adopted son in a hug.

Sirius was pretty sure Mrs Potter was trying to hug the sadness out of him.

'_We_ love you Sirius.' She mumbled in his ear.

~#~

James and Sirius had both received quidditch tickets for Christmas and were both overjoyed to be going though they did have to be escorted by Charlus Potter who didn't 'trust his sons out there while the attacks are as bad and as frequent as they are.'

Even though neither of their teams were playing, both boys were on the edge of their seats for the entire game. They were over the moon that it took five hours before the snitch was even spotted and Mr Potter was glad that he too was a quidditch fan else he would have been bored to tears by now with the length of the game even though it was a hard fought match.

The three of them returned home drenched to the skin with confetti stuck to every part of them. They looked so ridiculous that Mrs Potter couldn't help but laugh at the sight of them.

~#~

Sirius found himself relaxing into a pattern of happiness at the Potter residence. Just knowing that nothing he did would be rewarded with a beating was enough to put his mind at ease. Yes he had stayed here before but some part of his brain assumed it would be different now that he would be calling this place home.

And it was different in a way. Sirius had his own room this time whereas before James had always insisted he share his room. He also had the occasional chore but nothing that took any length of time.

On the evening of the second of January, Sirius was in his room reading the autobiography that Remus had given him instead of packing his trunk as he was supposed to be doing.

There was a knock on his door, expecting it to be James, Sirius called out to invite him in.

Instead of James however, it was Mrs Potter holding his washing. She glanced about his room and frowned at the obvious appearance of disarray suggesting Sirius had barely even started packing.

Noticing him on the bed reading a book, she placed the clothes on the end of the bed and cleared her throat.

Sirius started and dropped his book, face flushed with embarrassment at having been caught out.

'I thought you were packing?' Mrs Potter asked with raised eyebrows.

'I er, got distracted.' He answered, retrieving his book from where it'd fallen.

'Well best you get a move on, there won't time in the morning.' She said pointedly. Sirius shuffled off his bed and grabbed his empty trunk out from under the bed where he'd stored it and quickly packed his freshly laundered clothes.

On her way out of the room, Mrs Potter glared at Sirius' new poster. Wilhema McKenna had just gone into a sharp dive causing her robe to push down a little too far for it to be decent. Mrs Potter's scowl deepened and she shut the door with a sharp click.

With the door shut, Sirius smiled at the poster. His own mother wouldn't have let him hear the end of it if she had seen the poster but Mrs Potter just disapproved that the thing had been made in the first place, she didn't object to Sirius having it though she would have preferred him not to have put it up on his wall.

Sitting down on his finally packed trunk later that night, Sirius reflected once more on the differences between his new family and his old one. It surprised him that he now thought of the Potters as family though it wasn't too weird, he thought. He had long felt like James was a brother to him, why shouldn't he feel affectionate to that brother's parents too.

The warmth in his chest made him realise that perhaps you didn't need blood relatives to have a family. He would always miss his real parents, or at least, how they used to be, but he wasn't as alone in the world as he had believed. People still cared about him. Or more specifically, he now had somewhere he could call home.

~#~

_And that is that. The actual, final chapter. For real this time._

_Thank you so much for you for sticking with me, especially those who've been with me from the very beginning – more than a year ago now. And thank you to all those who've reviewed, you've kept me going in ways I can't describe. It's nice to know that other people enjoy something you've created._

_Thanks for putting up with me._

_Over and out._


End file.
